protectiveparents

Allen v Farrow - Panel Series

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 03:23:13 GMT

California Protective Parents Association is honored to be a host organization to a 4-part panel series for Allen v Farrow from the amazing partners Jane Do Films, RAINN, Center for Judicial Excellence, and The National Family Violence Law Center at GW.

Starting on September 23, 2021 and every Thursday for 4 weeks, a special panel has/will be discussing the themes of each episode of the award nominated Allen v Farrow on HBO by Jane Do Films. This is an opportunity to use this powerful documentary as a launching pad and tool to discuss the family court crisis, learn how we can move to name abuse to protect children and ensure the child safety is the first priority.

You can watch the episode on HBO to follow along, but the panels series is an amazing stand alone. Note, you can also listen to the Allen v Farrow podcasts .

Sept 23 (Episode 1): Grooming + Child Protection

Moderator:

Viola Vaughan-Eden, PhD, MJ, LSW (She/Her), Clinical & Forensic Social Worker

Panelists:
- Lundy Bancroft (He/Him), Author, Expert on Domestic Violence
- Camille Cooper (She/Her), Vice President of Public Policy, RAINN
- Amy Herdy (She/Her), Co-Creator + Producer, Allen v. Farrow
- Joyanna Silberg, Ph.D. (She/Her), Child Psychologist

Sept 30 (Episode 2): The Protective Parent’s Dilemma

Moderator:

Kathleen Russell, Executive Director, Center for Judicial Excellence

PANELISTS:
- Kathy Sherlock, Mother, Advocate, Kayden's Korner
- Adrian Ionescu, Father, Advocate
- Darrel Riley, Father, Advocate
- Priscilla Gilman, Mother, Author, Farrow Family Friend

Oct 7 (Episode 3): Parental Alienation Syndrome & Family Courts
- Moderator:
  - Joan Meier, Founder and Director, National Family Violence Law Center
- PANELISTS:
  - Maralee McLean, Author, Speaker, Child Advocate, Domestic Violence Expert
  - Richard Ducote, Domestic Violence and Family Court Litigator, Law Reformer
  - Annie Kenny, Mother, Advocate Safety Advocate
  - Suzanne Chester, Managing Attorney, The Child's Advocate Legal Aid of North Carolina

Oct 21 (Episode 4): Long Term Effects of Abuse on Survivors
- Moderator
  - Jamie Rogers, Producer, Allen v. Farrow
- PANELISTS:
  - Dylan Farrow, Author, Advocate
  - Lori Pitts, Founder, Healing Coach & Energy/Spiritual Healer, Still Whole Wellness
  - Danielle Pollack, Policy Manager, National Family Violence Law Center

Oct 13 Allen v Farrow Episode 3 Panel with Museum of Tolerance and Breakthrough LA
Note: this is a stand alone panel from the 4-part series above
Moderator
- Liebe Geft, Museum of Tolerance Director
PANELISTS
- Mikaela Shwer, Allen v. Farrow editor
- Thomas D. Lyon, Judge Edward J. and Ruey L. Guirado Chair in Law and Psychology at the University of Southern California and Director of USC Child Interviewing Lab
- Harriet Kerr, Director, Stuart House at Stuart House/Rape Treatment Cente
- Jeff Todahl, University of Oregon, Associate Professor Couples and Family Therapy Program Director, Couples and Family Therapy, Family and Human Services, Prevention Science

Panels will stream live on the Jane Do Films Facebook page and repeat on their Facebook page and YouTube page after the live stream.

Abuse and Father's Day

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sun, 20 Jun 2021 17:23:57 GMT

Fathers, they are so important to a child. They can be so much, make such a difference in a child’s life and lay a foundation for their child to grow up in a healthy, loving and supportive environment and home to thrive as a person. And they can be destructive.

At the California Protective Parents Association, we acknowledge there are many amazing fathers in our world and there are even protective fathers! Sadly, most parents who do abuse though are fathers. We all want to wish all fathers are loving, kind, caring, supportive and safe. Wishing this does not change the fact that there are some fathers who are abusive and toxic to their own children. Hoping they change is not enough, nor is one anger management class.

We believe that cycles of abuse must end. While we know being abused as a child does not make a person an abuser, we know most abusive parents were abused themselves. To end the cycle of abuse in families, we must name it, acknowledge it, actively protect others from a harmful parent and hold those abusive accountable.

We believe a person who truly changes and acknowledges their abuse to their children and spouse can one day have a healthy relationship with their children; that may not happen until their children are adults or it may never happen. Our systems though force a relationship with abusive fathers and their children for they believe children do better when they have a father in their lives and/or the patriarchy demands fathers have control. Yes, two healthy parents are wonderful for any child! But all the studies that state all the facts as to why a father is important in a child’s life, and thus our system that forces children to be with abusive parents, is that these studies do not show the results to a child with being with an abusive father. They do not consider what abuse does to a child.

Forcing a child to be with an abusive father is hurting our country and it is hurting all of those children. Abusive fathers who fight so hard in family court for custody are about wanting to continue to control and dominate, not love and care for their family. Our courts need to recognize that a father wanting custody does not automatically mean they want to care for their children.

This Father’s Day we are grateful for all the men who stand up for their children, but we must see that abuse has no place in a family.

If you are a protective father, thank you for being a safe father.

If you are an abusive father, we ask you to take care of yourself first before you try to care for another. We ask you to truly look at your behavior and ask yourself honest questions. We know most abusive people cannot see their own abuse. We know most have to hit rock bottom sometimes to want to get help. And we know many of you do not get to that bottom point to turn your lives around for you are being enabled to continue your abuse and our systems do not give you boundaries; they are almost begging you to be in our child’s life, even if you are abusive.

If you are an abusive father, please think of yourself as a child. Think about what you would want for yourself from a parent. Don’t think about what you had and think it was good enough, think about what you know now as an adult, what you know about healthy and unhealthy relationships in our world and truly see yourself with a loving parent. Please hold that feeling for yourself. You deserved to be treated with respect, love, compassion, empathy and boundaries. You deserve that now. Love, compassion, empathy and boundaries come with the truth. If you were abused yourself, we are sorry for your pain and suffering. If you are abusive, please find help. You can start on our page here .

If you are a child who is currently being abused or were abused as a child, know it is not your fault. You did not deserve to be mistreated. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, boundaries and with compassion. These are loving acts. The word love for you may be confusing for so many people may tell you how much your parent loves you, even when they know your parent has been abusive, or your abuser may tell you they love you. Abuse is never love. Incest is never love.

Children of abuse, know that we hear you. We see the signs of abuse and are doing all we can to make sure you can grow up without abuse, without fear of a parent and you can be with your safe, protective parent. We are still growing as a nation and species. We are learning more about what you need and it is hard for some people to acknowledge your safety is more important than being with an abusive parent. We will get there though. We want to break the cycle of abuse in families and know you can be that cycle breaker! You matter, your voice matters and you are so worthy of love and safety! Know that on Father’s Day it is OK to not feel good, to be sad, or even mad. Just remember an abusive parent's brokenness does not make you broken. You may be injured from all the abuse and trauma, but that is not who you are, it is just what happened to you. You were made for love and you are worthy of love!

Do You Have the Courage to Protect when the Path has been Clouded?

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 03:43:22 GMT

The plane was scheduled to leave Oakland Airport at 5:30 pm on Wednesday, February 17, 2021. Jane was anxious about boarding the plane with her father. She told multiple people, including her mother, a nurse, the police, and staff at the hospital, she would kill herself if she had to return to Phoenix with him. She escaped momentarily from her father into the restroom and asked a stranger to borrow their phone as one last hope before her flight departed for Phoenix. Why couldn’t the professionals understand her or help her?

Jane's story is more common than most believe. She is a girl who reported her father sexually abused her. At times it was even hard for her to understand this. Children at four years old do not have words to express a molest or rape. They are taking in the entire world around them as their vocabulary increases every day, yet the words to express a sexual abuse are not there for them. Children take in how others are treated and how they are treated. But they may not know the difference between a safe touch and a molest at four. They may feel strange about it. They may have been groomed years before the first molest. But we do know they may feel uncomfortable and even know it is wrong.

At three years old when her parents divorced, and at seven she stopped seeing her father. Jane still did not fully understand the abuse she endured when he left. Her life changed though. Her father moved away without a forwarding phone number, email or address. He remarried. Her mother remarried and soon she would have three more siblings by the time she was a teenager. Where did her father go? Why did he never send her and his sons cards or presents on their birthdays. Why didn’t he call?

Jane went through some tough years. She had not processed her abuse fully. Even though she started disclosing while she was younger and her mother reported these disclosures to CPS, the allegations were unfounded, partly because as a little girl she was unable to explain it to CPS.

But what if she did tell enough when she was younger? Did professionals know how to understand abuse then? This is a reasonable question for she has told professionals this month, years into the #METoo movement, and still she was not given protection from her father. The abuse was denied and she was forced, court ordered, to move back with him to Phoenix.

Here is what you should understand, Jane was confused and in trauma for years. As we know from the ACE Study (Adverse Childhood Experiences), children who are abused are more likely to be anxious, depressed, self harm, struggle to stay in school, have a high rate of teen age pregnancy and suicide. Jane had a typical response to going through abuse and then it being dismissed by those who are responsible for protecting abused children. She was hospitalized multiple times during the time her father was out of her life. She was also searching for more answers from her life with her father.

Last summer when most were trying to cope with the pandemic, Jane reached out on social media to her stepmother. She started telling her stepmother and father about her trauma. Her memory of her father’s abuse to her had been repressed. She needed answers and was searching for more. After hearing of her hospitalizations, her father filed for custody in 2020, something he walked away from in his 2010 divorce.

Jane said to the court she wanted to live with her father. The court granted the 13 year old's request. In California, the judge should consider the wishes of a child if they are of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to custody or visitation (Family Code 3042). The court granted the father custody and Jane went to live with him in October 2020 at his home in Phoenix, with a trip back to see her mother, stepfather and siblings in December 2020.

When Jane arrived home this past December, she told her mother she remembered more of the abuse by her father, she said she did not want to go back with him and she refused to go back on the three separate flights scheduled after the visit to her home with her mother was ordered to end.

This story started with telling you Jane told hospital staff and a nurse she would kill herself. She had already told her mother she would kill herself or run away if she had to go back with her father. The pressure was mounting as her father insisted the court order be followed and she return back to her home with him. She overdosed on over the counter medication at the end of January and was on a 5150 hold. Once again, she told multiple people she was sexually abused by her father and still nobody stepped in to protect her.

While on the 5150 hold, her father went back to court to ensure Jane would need to leave the hospital with him. The February 2 order stated as such; Jane must leave with her father to Phoenix even though she told the court on January 6, 2021 that her father molested her. Communication with both parents was to remain unless the doctor ordered no communication.

The mother reached out to a nonprofit organization on February 6, 2021 for help based on the advice from a potential lawyer as her daughter was scheduled to be released from the hospital to the father on February 7. Was the advice to understand how normal this situation is, that abuse is dismissed and if a protective mother in California raises this, she could have up to an 85% of losing custody to the abusive parent, even one who has raped their child?

While Jane’s mother learned of the rights of 12 year old's in CA, she was able to tell her daughter about these, the right to call an abuse shelter and also ask for restraining order. Jane did call a local shelter from her hospital bed and they said she should call the police because they do not deal with children issues.

Jane told the police and hospital staff four times she would kill herself if she had to leave with her father as they tried to discharge her into his care on the 7th. The police told the father to leave and Jane would, at least for a short period of time, remain at the hospital.

Normally when a child refuses to go with an abusive parent, the abusive parent uses a DARVO strategy, that is they defend, attack and reverse victim and offender. Jane’s father denied the abuse and blamed the mother of making Jane say she was abused. If the child refuses to go with their abusive parent, we know in many cases a reunification process is used, be it in a camp situation, a weekly therapy session or even as we see in Jane’s case, a hospital situation.

Jane was told she could not speak with her mother any longer. Even Jane’s grandmother was barred from speaking with her. It is unclear if the doctor ordered this or the father insisted the mother’s and daughter's communication end. She was also told to leave the hospital she would need to have four positive calls with her father. This was a difficult week for Jane. Who would listen to her? Why were they forcing her to have a relationship with the man who abused her?

The child advocate called the hospital on February 11 to ask about the lack of communication with the mother, only to get a message that said they would call back within a week. A week would be too late.

When Jane told multiple nurses at the hospital that her father molested her, one nurse replied, “give your dad another chance, people change” while the others seem to dismiss it as well. Was there a CPS report made as mandated?

The mother filed for an emergency custody order after Jane had told the police and staff that she would kill herself if she had to be with her father. It was denied.

After four “successful” reunification phone calls with her father, Jane was released to his care and off to the airport. Jane was panicking and desperate to get to a safe space. She wanted to go home with her mother. While at the airport on the 17th of February, she said she needed to use the restroom. Once outside of her father’s supervision, she asked a stranger if she could use her phone to call her mom. The stranger agreed and Jane called her mother, told her she was at the airport and asked what to do next. Her mother told her to call the police. The stranger said she needed to go and left Jane wondering what would happen next.

The mother called the police at the Oakland Airport. They went to speak with Jane and it was determined that she was fine. At the same time, the child advocate received the call back from the hospital. It had nearly been a week since the message was left. The hospital staff member listened and said she should have the advocate speak with the supervisor. The supervisor did not call back, but the advocate checked in with the mother to see what transpired during the week.

After hearing that Jane was at the airport, ready to take off in 40 minutes, the advocate called the airport to speak with the police. Immediately they said they had already spoken with this family. They had dealt with trafficking issues in the past and were ready to take her to child protective services if needed. The office said Jane did not disclose any information that would allow them to take her. The advocate asked why then did she call her mother in desperation from the bathroom.

In a culture that dismisses abuse, we must all learn new steps, have Institutional Courage to name abuse and look beyond the fear-filled statements of a 13 year old that has been forced to leave with her father despite her best efforts to stay safe. The office said a new team was just coming on duty and he agreed to send them to speak with her again.

This time Jane told the officers she did not want to be with him, but agreed he could take her to the hospital.

Another near save, yet did he take her?

The mother received a call from a patient at the hospital whom Jane had befriended. The note stated to call her mother and tell her she was now leaving with the father once again to the airport.

Jane is back in Phoenix. She was silenced. She was dismissed. She was not understood. She is fearful. There are concerns she will hurt herself.

[2.22.21 UPDATE: Jane is currently in a mental health facility in AZ. She is still fearful and concerned she is not being heard and will be sent back to her father's as they are not allowing her to talk with her mother. ]

Reports to CPS were not helpful. The hospital did not report to CPS as far as it is known. The police gave a bit of hope to Jane on the 17th when they intervened a second time, but once again she was back at the airport.

The court listened to a 13 year old when she wanted to live with her father. There was to be another hearing to see if this was indeed what she wanted. Once she said no to living with her father and requesting to live with her mother, the request was denied. Why did the court not listen to her wishes this time as they did when she asked to live with her father?

This time she reported she was sexually abused by her father. Abuse dismissed.

How many times did you read in this story of a missed opportunity to save Jane?

We ask those in Phoenix to step forward to protect Jane. To be noted, Jane is not her real name. Jane is willing to speak to the press, but we know, like many others living in abuse, she does not have a way to have outside communication since she is now homeschooling in Phoenix.

This is Jane’s story. This is a common story. It is time there is Institutional Courage and Jane is heard and protected. To those who are responsible for children’s safety, will you do what is right and just now? Will you allow Jane to have her rights to be safe?

Note: this story has been corrected to reflect her parents divorced when she was three and at seven she stopped seeing her father when he moved away.

November is Family Court Awareness Month

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 03 Nov 2020 21:13:37 GMT

Family Court Awareness Month (FCAM) was conceptualized in 2020 by Tina Swithin, founder and CEO of One Mom’s Battle. Tina’s mission is to shine a spotlight on the failures of the family court system while honoring the nearly 800 children who have been murdered by separating or divorcing parents since 2008.

Tina realizes it takes a village to bring the needed change. She is literally on the road to meet many of the villages of those abused by the family courts who are now voices for change across America while spreading awareness of the family court crisis. The family court crisis is ongoing abuse after leaving domestic violence. Abuse is silenced, thus more abuse ensues. It is fitting that this awareness for November follows October’s Domestic Violence Awareness month.

To date, the Center for Judicial Excellence has reported 762 children have been murdered by a parent in custody/separation/divorce situations since 2008. We also know based on the work of the Leadership Council that 1,170,000 children have been court ordered to live with their named abuser since 2000. That means 500,000 TODAY are living with their named abusive parent, are at risk of being murdered and their adverse childhood experiences continue to grow.

Starting in Los Angeles, California on November 1, 2020, Tina launched this awareness month with an amazing press conference with advocates and legislators. Watch this impactful press conference with powerful speakers her e .

California Protective Parent Association’s (CPPA) board member, Sandy Ross, read a note of support from Congresswoman Judy Chu who was a cosponsor to H. Con. Res. 72. California’s AB 113 Piqui’s Resolution, which brought much of the same language to California as the federal resolution to have child safety as a first priority in custody adjudications, author was present, Assemblywoman Blanca Rubio, who spoke in support of bringing this awareness to protect children. Her sister, Senator Susan Rubio, a DV survivor, also spoke in support and shared her bill, SB 1141 that added coercive control to family court laws.

Two mothers who have had the horrific experience of having their child murdered by the child’s father spoke of the dismissal of abuse by the family courts and the lack of protection for their children. Ana Estevez is Piqui’s mother, she started Piqui’s Justice and is a board member for CPPA. Jacqueline Franchetti is the founder of the Kyra Franchetti Foundation, named after her daughter, and is based in New York. She is currently working on adding legislation in NY for child safety. Both Ana and Jacqueline traveled to Washington D.C. to help pass H. Con. Res. 72.

Sandy and Tina were able to speak to this abuse as well for many protectives parents have had to share custody with dangerous abusers. While many of these children live, we are learning resilience only comes when they are in a safe home. Adverse childhood experiences are preventable and our courts must do better.

Tina is calling for all to join this movement this month. She has created a new site with press releases for all local advocacy groups to share with their own legislators and local news. The more stories of the dismissal of abuse to protective parents, the louder we become.

Download the graphic and use them on social media. Add the hand graphic to your photo for this month.
Share this awareness with your community: social works, courts, press, legislators and those in need of change.
Join forces and volunteer to be a leader and change maker.

There is no need to live near or in these cities to join! This is a virtual community.

If you do live near these cities, are a protective parent and have contacts with the press and legislators, please sign up to help Tina! Next stop is Little Rock!

11/6 — 8:30am Little Rock, Arkansas

11/10 — 3:00pm Charleston, South Carolina

11/11 — 3:30pm Raleigh, North Carolina

11/13 — 12:00pm Nashville, Tennessee

11/16 — 9:30am Amarillo, Texas

11/17 — 9:00am Albuquerque, New Mexico

While Family Court Awareness Month is this month, we are continually working to make our courts safer every month. We are grateful for this month of more awareness and advocates from across our country joining together to bring attention to this national issue.

CPPA is a proud supporter of Family Court Awareness Month .

Judicial Misconduct in the U.S. by Reuters

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 11 Jul 2020 23:00:19 GMT

Sometimes you see a problem and you know others must see it as well. You try to make a difference, ask for an audit and you push for and wonder what will ever come of the recommendations from the auditor. Knowing you are not alone in seeing the problem is good and bad. First, it is not about you as the opposition would like to suggest you to be ‘just an angry litigant’ and secondly, the problem has risen to the point there are more and more people shining a light onto the crisis. This crisis is our largely unaccountable judicial system.

Michael Berens and John Shiffman start a year long process of looking into judicial accountability in the United States. What they found is overwhelming to most who have not lived through the injustices in our nation’s family courts. Our courts are 90% or more unregulated. With courts such as these, how can there be justice?

What started out as a request to audit due to the lack of oversight with California’s Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP) for family court matters, where abuse is being dismissed, judges act unethically and unlawfully, the CA State Auditor issued a scathing report . We have yet to see the results of their recommendations put into place.

Now with the series of reports from Reuters called The Teflon Robe, we are seeing as much as we expected, this is a national crisis.

Thus far they have released two main articles, Objections Overruled, Part 1| Thousands of U.S. judges who broke laws or oaths remained on the bench , June 30, 2020 and Emboldened by Impunity, Part 2 | With ‘judges judging judges,’ rogues on the bench have little to fear ., July 9, 2020. There is also a background piece on how this was tracked this past year, Secretive systems created obstacles, How Reuters tracked judicial misconduct . They have also created a database of those accused who have been publicly disciplined or are no longer on the bench due to retirement or resigning, Delving into disciplinary records, How to explore the misdeeds of judges across America . All of these stories, and hopefully more to come, can be found in this link, Holding judges accountable, The Teflon Robe, a Reuters Investigation .

Listen to Michael Berens, one of the investigative reporters, on the judicial misconduct Reuters reports on WNYC Studio’s The Takeaway . Hear how they wanted to shine a light on the victims of this lack of accountability. They documented 5,206 victims from 38 states alone and this was the social mission to give voice to the victims due to the consequences of this judicial crisis.

We know many of you who visit our site have personally experienced judicial misconduct. We invite you to share your personal judicial injustice story with Reuters. Please send them details at tips@thomsonreuters.com . Include the name of the judge, the state, details of what the judge may have done wrong, and a way for us to contact you. Reuters investigates such tips and will contact you before publishing.

We thank all who have shared their journeys in this crisis. We will continue to update our Others’ Stories on our website. You can share with us here .

Sharing brings healing., learning and change. We thank Michael Berens, John Shiffman, Jason Schneider and all at Reuters who made this judicial investigation series possible. More light is needed for transparency and accountability. May this help each state move to change to allow for more justice and honor for our courts.

Child Abuse Exposed during COVID-19 Pandemic

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 10 Jun 2020 21:21:05 GMT

We are at a time unlike no other that we have experienced as we live through COVID-19. The world has sheltered in place to flatten the curve of a virus that has no cure. Protective parents have been living with a global crisis that is at pandemic levels, abuse being dismissed.

The world had no choice though but to face this coronavirus where we were at 500,000 child living with their named abusers in the US, wage discrimination for women and Institutional Betrayal in our systems.

The stories that are being published every day speaks to the abuse that we know is happening now as it rises when there is a crisis . It almost feels as if there was an acceptance of the level of abuse prior though, as though is was OK if the abuse only happens half of the week if there is shared custody for a child, if the child can leave abuse for they go to school or if they leave for work. Why has abuse been allowed to continue when we know it has been happening?

The child abuse reports have gone down by 50% in some places , but all counties have seen a drop in child abuse reporting. This New York Times article states child abuse cases are down 51%. We must not forget that only approximately 10% of the prior abuse cases reported are validated. With only 4 to 6% of reports being false, this means up to 86% of children are still living in abuse, even though it had been reported.

The work of many has allowed more voices to be heard this past decade. For the first time ever, more calls to RAINN were made by children than adults. “Of those young people who contacted the hotline in March, 67% identified their perpetrator as a family member and 79% said they were currently living with that perpetrator .”

Yes, we are very concerned to know that this pandemic has brought more abuse to many, some being abused more often without the safety of school, summer camps or work and more being abused due to the rise in the stress and strain of illness, lack of income for many and food and shelter uncertainties.

Abuse is up , live stream abuse is up , online child sexual abuse material (CSAM) has risen , some expect to see more teenage pregnancies , DV searches are up 75% , front line healthcare workers are losing custody if they are female and general custody issues are also rising with fears of exposure.

Here are some ways help has arrived:

Future's Without Violence has created multiple webinars and other resources on how to help during this pandemic.

CA Governor proclaimed April as Child Abuse Prevention Month and issues 211 number for stressed parents to reach out for help and provided resources to ensure for home visits.
CA JCC rules some family court matters must be heard and as many home visits as possible should happen.
More presentations on how to respond to child abuse during a pandemic are happening including this APSAC Zoom with Victor Vieth and a resource page .

91 members of Congress call for increase in funding for DV and sexual violence programs impacted by COVID-19
The C enter for Institutional Courage has opened!

What we must learn from this situation is abuse is never acceptable. We must turn away from the ongoing dismissal of abuse and move to Institutional Courage to believe and protect those in need. We must also financially support those who desire to live a healthier life and rear children to become adults who have respect, good values and healthy boundaries.

The goal is to end abuse cycles that can continue in families generation after generation. May we learn from this moment.

Our prayers for all those who are in need, live in abuse and for all who are working to provide essential needs for us all, especially the front line workers.

Awareness to Change for Child Sexual Abuse Materials

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 10 Jun 2020 20:26:20 GMT

The New York Time's investigative journalists Michael Keller and Gabriel Dance started releasing print stories last September and November 2019 and podcasts on the NYT Daily on February 19 , 20 and 21 , 2020 with Michael Barbaro regarding the online child sexual abuse material crisis. Their reporting was shocking for many and riveting for all to understand the sheer volume of child abuse online (70 million child sexual abuse images reported to authorities last year alone) and how the volume of this imagery is sky rocking. They were willing to have the conversation that is ignored by many, possibly due to the enormity of the problem and it is hard to know where to start to solve this crisis. Change actually started by the New York Times supporting and printing their story to build more general awareness.

Congress took note. With a controversial bill called the EARN IT Act introduced first that had more of a focus for the tech giants, they have now introduced a bill that brings $5 billion over ten years to end child sexual abuse.

We will continue to discuss this bill as time goes on; for now we are grateful for those who have signed on to the Invest in Child Safety Act : Senators Ron Wyden, Kristen Gillibrand, Bob Casey and Sherrod Brown as well as Representatives Anna Eshoo, Kathy Castor, Annie Kuster, Eleanor Norton, Alcee Hastings and Deb Haaland.

Read the full article about the new bill here .

One note here, the name of this bill is so powerful. Invest in Child Safety. This is one of the steps needed for Institutional Courage, fund the goal. We are not just in a pandemic, we are at the shift for ending child abuse.

New Studies Show PA is Used as a Weapon to Silence Abuse and Gender Specific

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 21 Jan 2020 01:15:53 GMT

In the US and the UK, parental alienation claims are being used to silence abuse. Even after Richard Gardner’s debunked theory of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), now more commonly just called parental alienation (PA) or disguised as claims of a protective parent being delusional or even just resentful, protective parents are losing custody to the point of prompting new studies into see if empirical data would agree with these PA claims or show they are used as a weapon and defense against abuse.

Professor Joan Meier from George Washington University published new findings this month in her paper, “U.S. child custody outcomes in cases involving parental alienation and abuse allegations: what do the data show?”

The findings confirm that mothers’ claims of abuse, especially child physical or sexual abuse, increase their risk of losing custody, and that fathers’ cross-claims of alienation virtually double that risk. Alienation’s impact is gender-specific; fathers alleging mothers are abusive are not similarly undermined when mothers cross-claim alienation.

One of the most shocking results are only one out of 51 cases where a mother reported child sexual abuse and a father claimed alienation was the mother’s allegation considered valid by the court. Also, mothers have 2.5 times the odds of losing custody when alleging both forms of child abuse than when they allege child sexual abuse alone.

Her study reviewed 15,000 cases from 10-year period from 2005 to 2014 that used 4,338 cases which met the criteria here: child abuse and parental alienation. These cases are mainly appellate cases and some trial court cases were also used from online publications of these cases.

Read Joan Meier’s paper here , see Table 5, figure 2 above, and listen to her discuss these results on the One in Ten podcast with the National Children’s Alliance here.

Please note, the acronym for the graph are: DV (Domestic Violence), child abuse (CA) and child sexual abuse (CSA) and CH (Child).

A smaller study was conducted by Dr. Andrea Barrnett at Brunel University London from 40 private family law cases in England and Wales from 2000 to 2019. Her paper, “A genealogy of hostility: parental alienation in England and Wales” shows a pattern of abusive parents using alienation claims when the non abusive parent child has custody of the child/children.

Read more about this UK study here and see the full study here .

From Dismissal of Abuse to Institutional Courage at Mercy Corp

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sun, 15 Dec 2019 04:20:48 GMT

On October 8, 2019, The Oregonian published an amazing article, No Mercy, the story of Tania Culver Humphrey, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by her father, the co-founder of Mercy Corp who served from president to being the face of the organization that aids people fleeing wars and disasters.

The story walks us through the abuse that was reported to Mercy Corp 25 years ago and then again last year. For ten years after the first disclosure to Mercy Corp, they dismissed the allegations and her father, Ellsworth Culver, continued with the company until his death in 2005.

The original story is one that, unfortunately, many probably understand first hand. A child is abused by her parent with no protection from the other parent and the abuse goes on from preschool through high school. Once in college she reported the abuse to Mercy Corp who investigated this over two years. They concluded that is was troubling, but inadequate.

This October the story changed.

We invite you to read the original article that the team, Noelle Crombie with Kale Williams and Beth Nakamura who wrote the story, Beth Nakamura who was also the photographer and Dave Killen who was the videographer, that took 10 months to investigate.

Humphrey is an amazing survivor. We are so grateful for her to trust someone again to tell her story and be heard. Her strength is to be respected by all.

Here is what happened after the story ran: Mercy Corp did not get defensive after the article, but moved into righting a wrong which they failed to do 25 years ago and last year as well.

A board member resigned and the website was scrubbed of “good feelings” references to their co-founder, Ellsworth Culver. To be noted, the board member said this was just as painful then as it was 25 years ago.

“We – and this is hard – had an opportunity to right a wrong or at least to try,” Keny-Guyer [the Mercy Corp CEO in October] said. “Instead we failed her with our response. We failed her with our tone. We didn’t do enough to listen to her. We were too legalistic instead of engaging in good faith, and I fear through that we added to her suffering. And for that I’m deeply sorry."

Days later the CEO resigns.

Mercy Corp employees wrote messages of support to Tania Culver Humphrey in front of their office on the sidewalk with chalk. Humphrey drove to see these messages and was embraced by the employees. By the end of the visit, 75 employees came out to encircle her with love and support, saying they believed her.

Shanti Sattler who first wrote the compassionate message said, “Your courage has inspired us all and it will inspire us moving forward. You matter so much. Your voice and everything you have done is being heard around the world.”

NPR covered the story of Humphrey’s courage to go to the Oregonian when she was dismissed again by Mercy Corp last year and outlines the many times she told others to no avail.

Humphrey’s courage and her efforts to not give up changed her own story. Noelle Crombie and the Oregonian team taking on a 10-month investigation into her story allowed for others to have a clear picture of how abuse is dismissed and how it takes an entire village to allow this to continue as it did in this case, as well as so many others. It took Institutional Courage for the CEO to write his letter and for 75 employees to come out and embrace one brave survivor.

Please take a moment to think of the time you could have stood up stronger for someone. Take time to know how one person could have cracked the village of dismissals for Tania. Ask yourself what you can do to be the change in your community and workplace. Be the change!

May you never forget Tania Culver Humphrey, her journey of survival through years of abuse to the embrace of being believed she waited for since preschool.

Learn more about Institutional Courage here .

Read and watch the original Oregonian story & video here .

Read the Oregonian follow-up stories here:

Mercy Corp shaken; board member resigns

CEO Apologizes

CEO Resigns

Mercy Corp workers embrace Humphrey

Read and listen to the NPR story here .

Take time to understand what abuse is and looks like from these free classes here .

Journey to a Safe Harbor: Protective Parents at the Beach

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 05 Dec 2019 08:27:02 GMT

In October this year, advocates for change in the family court system gathered for the Journey to a Safe Harbor: Protective Parents at the Beach Conference. With Center for Judicial Excellence (CJE) and Dianne Bartlow from California State University, Northridge, CPPA joined to bring advocates, educators, legal and medical professionals, survivors, policy makers and the press together to foster change.

It was a powerful three days of hearing from those who are bringing change and who see the next steps we all must take. Friday night started with the awards ceremony for the Champions of Children’s Justice. Saturday was the conference day with speakers from DV experts to a judicial insiders to survivors. Sunday was a day to gather together, tell the journeys and be heard.

The voices that rang out louder than all the amazing speakers, advocates and change makers though were the survivors and even the children who have not survived this last decade. They are the new change makers!

Kate Grahn is a survivor of the family court crisis and a professional singer. She opened the conference with her powerful song she wrote about her journey. She hit a cord with all in the room as a voice for the truth of the crisis that will stay with us. Listen and watch Kate perform one of her powerful songs here .

If you just watched Kate sing, you might have been wondering who did the amazing artwork seen in the video. These are the creations of Valkyrie Vanguard, a survivor of abuse and a system that had controlled her. Valkyrie was able to reach down in her soul to share her experience. Read and see more of Valkyrie’s work here .

Seeing and hearing from survivors is so important. Their stories matter. It was when their voices are heard after the courts can no longer control them or dismiss their abuse, that more come to believe. Our goal is to have all believe a child when they first speak of the abuse with their words, actions and signs, when they are a child! If more people hear the horrors as we all did at the conference, they will be changed forever. After seeing them, you will not give up on these children or this cause to shift a culture to believe a child, protect them and allow them to live with their protective parent.

The young adults spoke of their abuse and the system that did not believe them. The “experts” who dismiss abuse ultimately make it worse by acting as an expert who will protect a child to only re-abuse the child. Everyone on this panel of survivors experienced institutional betrayal on many levels including at reunification camps. Nobody would ever want to walk in their shoes. Their journeys to 18 to leave their abusive situations and no longer be re-abused by those paid to protect children brought most of the audience to tears, anger to know this happened to them, and lit a spark to those new to this crisis.

It helped for the survivors to see they were heard. Their gift of sharing is bringing change. Their own gift is their life they still get to live. Their continued gift to us is all the good they bring to others now through their advocacy, art, words and songs.

During their presentation, they all would glance over to their far right. At the end of the presentation table was the amazing artwork by a parent whose child did not survive. Kathryn Sherlock created what many saw as shimmer of souls murdered by a parent in divorce or separation situations with abuse. They all looked over knowing they were very close to having their names as part of this art. They knew they are truly survivors and victors.

The artwork by Kathryn Sherlock mesmerized everyone. Small clear plaques strung together shimmered in the light and ocean breeze. From afar it was hard to see names of children and the ages they were when they were murdered by a parent were engraved on these small pieces that together made a memorial for over 700 souls from the past decade. The plaques danced as if their souls wanted to be heard, acknowledged by all present and give the support for the movement to continue forward. When one protective parent tells their story, even if the abuse turned to murder, they are put off. It can be dismissed by many as a one-off story, something, as tragic as it is, is rare. Pulling more than 700 names from the CJE database of collected names of these murdered children though allowed those who dismiss abuse to see this is a problem that needs to be addressed. We believe one murder child or one child forced to continue to live in abuse is enough for change.

There are many though, more than ever, understanding this need for change. Many of those who are using their role and talent to protect children were honored as the Champions of Children’s Justice. They are advocates, policy makers, lawyers and the press!

It was an honor to have Peace Over Violence join our effort with longtime DV advocate Patti Higgins helping us as we honor her and others. This year the awards went to Ana Estevez, Protective Parent and Advocate; Jayne O’Donnell and Mabinty Quarshie from USA Today for their story ; Gillian Friedman with the Deseret News, CA Assemblywoman Blanca Rubio who has lead Piqui’s Resolution, AB 1179 and AB 2044; Honorable Greg Laughlin and Craig Saperstein with Pillsbury, Winthrop, Shaw and Pittman who lead the effort for H. Con. Res. 72; Gigi Graciette with Fox 11 News Los Angeles for her story Finding Piqui and Louise Haigh bringing change to the UK as a Member of Parliament. All of their acceptance speeches were powerful to hear. Everyone how stands up for a child needs to be heard. Hear Gigi Graciette here .

For the Saturday conference, CPPA board member and CA Woman of the Year for District 48, Ana Estevez was the keynote speaker on Saturday. As a mother to an amazing five year old, Piqui, who was not heard by the courts, Ana was able to tell her story of moving from a veteran into education in some rough LA neighborhoods which involved policing needs, to working with the police to find her own son who went missing. With the police’s help, Piqui’s body was found 72 days later. Ana has gone onto help change federal and state laws, with California's HR 113 being named Piqui’s Resolution, after her own son. She continues to advocate for change as she prepares to launch a nonprofit in Piqui’s name.

Kathleen Russell, CJE’s Executive Director; Payal Sinha, Peace Over Violence’s Managing Attorney, Legal Advocacy Program Manager; and our ED, Catherine Campbell spoke to the problem and how to advocate, speaking to the road to having the 115th’s H. Con. Res. 72 pass in the House of Representatives, how the Commission on Judicial Performance was audited for the first time since its inception and how speaking at your own county level is helping to bring change. Each time an advocate speaks to end child abuse, someone hears you more than you realize. Continue to speak truth to power.

After the young adult survivors spoke, LA County’s DV Council Executive Director, Eve Sheedy, spoke to the importance of listening to the voices of survivors and how there are many in government positions who are there to help victims. Even with an extensive background in hearing of abuse, Eve was clearly moved after hearing the survivor panel and pledge to continue forward with their message to believe the abuse and give protection.

Kathy Sherlock stood in front with her daughter’s name dancing in the ocean breeze on the art and tribute art sculpture she made and shared her story with us all. Her telling of having to let her daughter go back to her father’s for a visit was heart wrenching, especially when this was the last time Kathy would see Kayden alive. Everyone graphically heard what happened to Kayden. This image of preventable abuse must be known and understood to ensure there is never another Kayden, Piqui, Mikayla or one of the other 700 plus children we have lost in the most unthinkable ways.

Hon. DeAnn Scalcido (Ret.) graced us with her pizazz and energy to see change. As a retired judge she was able to see the corruption within family courts. Her take away for everyone at the conference was to be strong, take back your power and work to bring an end some current practices. Her list included judge’s immunity, evaluators not needing to report if they are on probation, the move judges can take to come back to family court before retirement to be “available” for private judging later, and to not allow psychologists to gain all their income from evaluations, but move to allow only 20% to be evaluations. She suggested after training, judges should have to pass a test which will discourage not fully participating in their classes. Truly more accountability is needed for our judges.

After listening to the journey of trauma, institutional betrayal, preventable murders of children, the conference was gifted with a meditation with some added yoga from Manuri Ranasinghe – Gateas of Soul Fitness LA to center us and prepare us to go out and change the world!

It did not take long for the change to happen. The change makers were spending every spare minute to speak with victims and survivors. Jayne O’Donnell, Gillian Friedman and Dianne Bartlow were able to hear the stories that need to be told. This conference was yet another starting point for many to be heard. We are looking forward to the next wave of press and the new documentary from Dianne Bartlow.

Our thanks to all the sponsors, the vendors who helped bring this all together and the planning committee members.

Sponsors: Anonymous donors, Patti Cohn, Michelle Garcia, Seth Goldstein, Marivic Mabanag, Mindology Fitness Kids, Neotech Products, Elizabeth Schulze and Tina Swithin.

Vendors and contributors: Anneberg Community Beach House, Feast, and Savior Agency.

Planning committee: Dianne Bartlow, Catherine Campbell, Ana Estevez, Betsy Keller, Sarah Kerlow, Sandy Ross and Kathleen Russell.

Start by Believing

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 04 Dec 2019 22:34:35 GMT

We ask people to #BelieveaChild. The foundation of change starts with a belief inside a person. We are asking you to stop the flood of thoughts of how bad this will look for the accused and focus on how bad this already is for a child. It is time we protect children.

Sexual abuse is not good for any child nor is it for an adult. This year we have seen the brilliance of how a rape story was shared, how others carried their story, how others moved with it to bring it to more people, how people are exposed to it, and how it started more to join the movement to how it gives next steps to be part of the change.

We are taking about one rape that was part of a series of rapes and how it was handled that eventually became Netflix’s Unbelievable miniseries, based off of an article was written by Ken Armstrong and T. Christian Miller and co-published by The Marshall Project and ProPublica.

While many still operate from the place of institutional betrayal, with re-abuse to the victim when abuse is dismissed and then the victim blamed as shown in the miniseries, there is a movement to institutional courage. We are grateful this Unbelievable story helps people understand why people do not report as it shows the one side of a system and moves to show how it can be. We support all Dr. Jennifer Freyd's work with the her Project on Institutional Courage. She has ten steps to move from betrayal to courage that every organization should use.

The good news is many are helping others move to have institutional courage and some are even helping individuals move in this direction.

End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) has a website to give tools to law enforcement, medical professionals, advocates and school administrators to help shift a culture to end abuse and allow Institutional Courage to happen! They call it Start by Believing!

Tell, share, spread the news wide and far and give the tools that will allow all to believe the truth of abuse! Bravo to all on this journey to bring change to the crisis of the dismissal of abuse for adults and children.

We could not be more happy to see this evolution from not being believed to the awareness of the facts of how these cases are handled, believed or not believed, to the acceptance of so many that there must be change and to see this organization move to create a site that helps shift a culture that was taught to dismiss abuse to a culture that protects victims and stands up for them. This is institutional courage. This is a change.

We invite all of you to be a part of this change. Please share all of these tools with others. Help us push this movement forward for all.

If you were sexually abused and/or raped, you can seek the help you need to be able to tell through EVAWI’s sister site, Seek then Tell. Remember you did not cause this. It is not your fault. You are not hurting by telling. This is not your shame. It is not your secret to keep.

Our thanks to all the victims; the press, Ken Armstrong and T. Christian Miller, for telling this story; for the publications, The Marshall Project and ProPublica, for actually publishing what is hard to hear; for those who took this to Netflix and produced and wrote this script to all who acted and worked on this production; to Jennifer Freyd and her associates for helping us to clearly see steps to be courageous to believe and protect; to End Violence Against Women International for creating these sites for change; and most importantly to all who believe.

Watch the Netflix miniseries here .

Read the story this miniseries was based on, “An Unbelievable Story of Rape”by Ken Armstrong and T. Christian Miller, co-published by The Marshall Project and ProPublica .

Read the review of the miniseries here as the Atlantic's writer, Sophie Gilbert, speaks to these issues all around us here .

Share the 10 steps to Institutional Courage by Jennifer Freyd and link to her work from our website here .

Get the tools from EVAWI to believe or even get help for yourself if you have been raped here .

Death by ACEs: When Will We Learn?

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 09 Nov 2019 02:54:08 GMT

We lost Morgan Kunz this past month on October 21, 2019. At twenty-five years old, she was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by her stepfather. Knowing the outcome of ACEs, we must ask if her death should be ruled a homicide.

Morgan was a sweet and loving child with an amazing mother, Khriste May. Khriste was able to find what appeared to be a healthy relationship after her relationship with Morgan’s father ended. Morgan’s stepfather was her main father figure. Together, Khriste and her new husband had three children, two boys and a girl. All seemed well in their family.

It was when Morgan was just 10 years old that her stepfather started sexually abusing her. She bravely was able to tell her mother of her abuse by the time she was 13. The molestation continued until she was 16.

One of the most important decisions for Khriste was to believe her daughter. Even when she believed in the man she had trusted and with whom she had three more children, she was able to believe Morgan was molested by him. When a mother believes her child, she knows it means her life is about to change forever. She also knew she was going to change her daughter’s life moving forward. The truth is, their lives had already changed when the abuse started three years earlier. The pain for a protective parent to hear their child was sexually abused by a loved one is excruciating. Immediately seeking help for your child to only be dismissed and forced to share custody with the abuser is beyond what any parent should have to live through.

Khriste stood up to protect her daughter and their three children. While her then estranged husband eventually plead guilty, he was able to plead guilty to a lesser charge, third degree sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a child. Sadly, for Morgan and Khriste, the stepfather’s guilty plea came later, after not being believed by a system meant to protect children from abuse. Khriste’s belief in her daughter’s accusations was correct. It took the “system” that dismisses abuse up to 86% of the time three years to believe Morgan and her mother and allow for her protection from her stepfather.

While Morgan was finally “free” of him at 16 years old, the stepfather was still able to see his own children. Their boys he could see unsupervised and their daughter with a family member supervisor, unfortunately one who proved to be unreliable. Morgan had years of abuse as she was silenced by her stepfather and multiple years of being dismissed by institutions after she was able to tell. We call this dismissal of abuse Institutional Betrayal.

Here is what we know, children with ACEs, Adverse Childhood Experiences, have a higher rate of drug use, anxiety, teenage pregnancy, dropping out of school and suicide. The CDC and Kaiser first completed the ACE Study in 1999. This week we see the CDC has released their new study results that show the crisis at hand, 1 in 6 US citizens have four or more ACEs.

At this time, the cause of Morgan's death is unknown and they are waiting for a completed investigation. She was given tools to help her through all the pain that lived within her from the abuse and the re-abuse when she was not believed. Tools though do not completely minimize the constant struggle. She was cared for and loved by her family, yet she struggled with depression and opioid addiction despite the interventions. She had been to rehab multiple times and she was clean for a good amount of time before it was recently suspected she was using again.

Morgan was worthy of being safe at home. She was an amazing person who was valued and loved by her mother, her siblings and a large extended family. She was loved by her daughter she had at 19 years old, Bella Hope. Beautiful hope. Morgan died, but she had hoped to live a long life with Bella.

We must have hope that our children and all protective parents will be believed when abuse is reported. It is time hope sees action by those who can help. It is time for abuse to be believed.

How many deaths will it take to change minds to believe abuse is happening and protect children? The Center for Judicial Excellence has recorded over 700 murders of children by a parent in these type of abuse and separation situations in the past 11 years. Still we do not have our courts, CPS, nor the police stepping up to help over 80% of the children who report abuse. Protecting 10% is not enough. We do not know the numbers of those who die by suicide, accidental drug overdoses nor from the results of the abuse which increase ACEs and the institutional betrayal.

When a child is murdered by a parent via gunshot, suffocation, hanging, drowning, blunt force, etc., they are usually held accountable for the systems can no longer deny the abuse. When the results of a parents’ abuse leads to the death of person, they should be held accountable. The CDC clearly states the correlation of ACEs and the resulting early deaths of those with multiple ACEs.

In 1981, James Brady was shot by John Hinckley during the attempted murder of President Ronald Reagan; the gunshot wound which caused problems that led to his death in 2014 was stated as the cause of death. Brady’s death was ruled a homicide over three decades later.

We need to see the reality of abuse in families. We can no longer say it did not happen, blame a protective parent for “making it up” nor allowing for a child to be in the care of their abuser. This is causing our children to die much too early in life or live a life of continual struggles. While it may appear some are able to come out of the effects of abuse, are resilient, most children who experience six or more ACEs will lose 20 years off their lives and those with four or more are twice as likely to have a heart attack or cancer.

Morgan had an ACE score of 8 out of 10. Not only was she molested as a child, she knew neglect, substance abuse and emotional abuse from her own father. There was a pattern of him not spending time with her. Her father's absence and actions left Morgan vulnerable to her stepfather. Her father had excuses of why he was not there for her. At the end of her life, Morgan looked to him to be the father she always needed. Instead of being there for her, the week before she died, the emotional abuse continued. Morgan reported her father told her that she liked what her stepfather did to her. He told her she just had to “get over it” and if she did she would be fine.

On November 12, 2019, we were contacted by Morgan's father. He reported he did not make these comments to Morgan. (updated on November 12, 2019)

Abuse is a killer. Abusers cause the abuse. End the silencing of abuse for Morgan, for Khriste, for Bella, for their immediate and extended family members, for all who have been abused and their family members. We must create a society where children are taught the proper boundaries, we teach them to tell, we create a space for them to tell, we believe them and we hold abusers accountable to end this crisis.

Evaluation Forms Signed by Governor

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 07 Aug 2019 17:08:34 GMT

In CPPA's early days, we wanted nothing more than to solve the family court crisis. More than 20 years ago Connie Valentine start off with a group to bring that change in CA. Five years later she and Meera Fox took the charge to bring Family Code Section 3118 into better compliance by pushing for a simple form all evaluators must use to ensure 3118 is being followed.

It may have taken 15 years, but on July 30 Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law AB 1179 introduced by Assemblywoman Blanca Rubio to require a form be produced by the Judicial Council of California for all evaluations involving child sexual abuse. Our thanks to Assemblywoman Rubio, Gov. Newsom and for all who joined the effort to bring this forward including Kathleen Russell and Ana Estevez.

Here is what this law means for change:

The information that was not getting before the judge will be required in a case that has child sexual abuse allegations.
There will be less wriggle room to dismiss abuse.
It will require all evaluators comply to the same standard.
It will ensure all of 3118 is followed.

Read the new law, AB 1179, here .

Rest In Peace, Ray Huckins

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 06:32:30 GMT

With great sadness, we share the news of Ray Huckins' death from cancer today at the age of 62.

Ray had been on the board of California Protective Parents Association since 1999. He was a native to California with a long career in law enforcement within the state. Starting in the California Highway Patrol as a patrolman and pilot and retiring after 25 years from the California Department of Corrections as a Correctional Officer, Ray had been able to see the need for change in California for children. Although "retired," Ray’s passion was serving on the board of CPPA to ensure that protecting children is top priority for the state.

His involvement with CPPA started through his desire to help the woman he loved. Ray was engaged to Josie Cohen, who was trying to protect her son from his abusive father. Unfortunately Josie died 20 years ago of cancer. Ray was able to be a significant person in her son's life and worked to ensure no other child would have to endure the pain and hardship Josie's son experienced.

Ray is back with Josie now and we are sure he will not stop doing all he can do to protect children, even from heaven. Rest in peace, Ray. You will be missed by many.

Abuse by Jeffrey Epstein is Valid for Indictment

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Mon, 08 Jul 2019 17:13:30 GMT

Over 10 years ago an abuse case was settled, sealed and no other person named in the abuse matter would be held liable with the deal of Jeffrey Epstein taking a short sentence with a day pass that left him virtually only going to jail to sleep. Julie K. Brown with the Miami Herald thought this was wrong. She reported on this case and brought light to the abuse of power to dismiss valid abuse and only slap one person on the wrist.

Over the 4th of July weekend when Jeffrey Epstein's private plane landed in NY, he was arrested for alleged for sex trafficking of underaged girls. He is now in the process of being held accountable for his crimes and victims are being validated.

Here is to Julie K. Brown, Project Safe Childhood, the Southern District of New York and all who stood up for justice in this matter.

Read the indictment here .

Read more of this story here .

CA Auditor Continues to See Problems for Child Protection with LA's DFCS

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 01 Jun 2019 20:32:03 GMT

The audit of Los Angeles’ Department of Family and Children Service (DFCS - aka CPS elsewhere) has been release in May by the CA State Auditor, Elaine Howle. This audit comes on the heals of the 2012 audit of the same agency and requested by the LA Board of Supervisors after the deaths of multiple children in the Los Angeles area who were not protected by DFCS.

The published highlights of this auditor are here.

Our review of the health and safety of children in the care of the department revealed the following:

The department has risked the health and safety of children in its care because it has not consistently completed child abuse and neglect investigations, and related safety and risk assessments, on time or accurately.
Social workers completed only 72 percent of safety assessments and 76 percent of risk assessments on time during fiscal year 2017–18.
Social workers did not always accurately identify safety threats present in children’s homes and several assessments were prepared without actually visiting the child’s home.
The department does not have specific time frames for when supervisors must complete reviews of safety and risk assessments.
Supervisors could have corrected many risk and safety issues, but often completed their reviews long after the social worker made decisions affecting children.
The department did not consistently perform required home inspections and criminal background checks before it placed children with relatives.
Once children were in its care, the department did not always meet requirements for evaluating the well‑being of those children.
Although the department reviews the circumstances surrounding child deaths, it has not ensured that it consistently implements recommendations resulting from these reviews.

The auditor has many recommendations to move this department forward in protecting children and these recommendation have been accepted by LA’s DFCS based on their response letter.

This audit report has also been sent to California’s other counties to bring all CPS departments to a level of more protection.

One recommendation is the use of the National Council on Crime & Delinquency’s (NCCD) Structured Decision Making (SDM) tool.

The SDM safety assessment helps the worker identify whether there is a current emergency in the home that threatens a child’s safety. In the SDM system, safety is about the short term protection.

This tool is said to be evidence and research based. We have requested to see what this tool entails for we are unclear on the scope of the assessment.

Currently in CA we are seeing abuse dismissed in most cases when it is not substantiated. The audit for LA’s DFCS shows that even with assessment tools, there are still mistakes.

We need to be a point where we are not just assessing for the next 24 hours, but for the overall welfare of a child. We know the ACE Study results and we need to incorporate changes to the process in assessment. Patterns need to be reviewed and understood.

One class does not change an abuser. It takes years, even lifetimes for an abuser to change their behavior. A child needs to be protected from abuse. They can be resilient, but they first must be removed from the abuse. It is time to believe a child. It is time we protect our children.

Read the full audit here .

Read the lead up stories to this audit here .

Read more about the SDM tool here and see their FAQ's here .

When your mom does not believe you

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 01 Jun 2019 18:37:49 GMT

Ellen DeGeneres, she is known to many from her talk show to her films, but she is talking more about the abuse she experienced as a teenager from her step-father to help anyone who is experiencing this to know you can tell and they do not need to "protect" anyone from the truth.

When Ellen was able tell, she was not believed for years. She told her mom her step-father was touching her breasts. She only told though after years of protecting her mother from this truth.

Children and teens do not want to hurt their parents. They do want their safe parent to know though of the abuse.

Here it is 2019 and still we know that mostly women and some men are not supported in protecting children who are being abused. Lawyers even tell protective parents to not report the abuse during a divorce or their rate of losing custody to the abuser goes up, up to 85%. It is estimated that 500,000 children in the United States are currently forced by court order to live with their abuser who happens to also be their parent.

How do we ensure this changes? We thank those who speak up. We thank Ellen for sharing her story that includes the pain she felt from the abuse and from being dismissed by her mother. We thank the media and press for sharing these journeys. We support people to ensure they know what to do if their child comes up to them to say they are being abused. We are working on having more training for experts in child abuse and domestic violence to allow others to believe the abuse. You are reading this to learn more and move the cause forward. It takes a village and when one person shares their story, it opens the door for another to step forward as well.

When a family is supported, more children will know they can tell.

Read this full story from Today here and go to our website to learn how to respond to a child when they tell you about being abused here.

Amicus brief regarding PAS released

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Mon, 20 May 2019 20:12:06 GMT

The amicus brief regarding the misuse of parental alienation syndrome/parental alienation has been released. Please read this brief on our resources page here .

BMCC 2019 Brings Advocates Together for #WeToo: Connecting the Protective Mothers Movement to the #MeToo Movement

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 30 Apr 2019 06:18:33 GMT

The 14th Battered Mothers Custody Conference, BMCC XIV, was held this past weekend at a new, elegant venue, The Desmond Hotel in Albany, New York, where attendees and presenters commingled around a huge koi pond surrounded by plants and flowers--a cheerful setting for a topic that is far from cheerful.

The conference started on Friday April 26th with a live streamed video greeting by Ruth Glenn, the Executive Director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, which has repeatedly provided financial support and cosponsorship of the conference. Ruth personally has offered encouragement and endorsement of the conference for many years. Her opening was followed by several hours of main session presentations, all of them following along this year's conference theme: #WeToo: Connecting the Protective Mothers Movement to the #MeToo Movement. We heard from Lisa Fishel-Wolovick, the author of Traumatic Divorce and Separation and a long-time legal advocate for battered women, followed by media expert and communications professor Garland Waller's talk, 5 Ways to Tell if You’re Being Gaslighted by the Media. Other presenters included Jennifer Collins, a Courageous Kid (now grown-up) par excellence, and Barry Goldstein, who discussed how to use his book, with Elizabeth Liu, Representing the Domestic Violence Survivor.

Friday afternoon saw two sets of concurrent workshops totaling ten workshops on compelling topics specifically aimed to meet the needs of protective mothers. One of these was a session led by Garland Waller to help mothers who wished to tell their stories how to do so within a four-minute time frame. A number of these moms opted to provide testimony of their experiences in the family court system to the entire conference audience at the Sunday morning Battered Mothers Testimony Session. Other topics included healing from trauma, the failures of batterer programs, and the criminalization and incarceration of protective moms. The Friday evening session consisted of a showing of “What Doesn’t Kill Me,” Rachel Meyrick’s fantastic expose that gives voice to the experiences of a large contingent of protective mothers who have lost custody of their children. A number of those mothers featured in the film attended this year’s conference.

Saturday opened with a colorful and moving retrospective, produced by Kathy Lee Scholpp, on the activities of Mothers of Lost Children and the California Protective Parents Association. Dara Carlin, one of the BMCC Lifetime Achievement Award recipients this year, along with Heather Boltz and Vicki M., talked about homecomings--a preview of what your mother and child reunion may be and what it could entail. Next was a powerful keynote address by the noted psychologist Paula Caplan, who was amply qualified to speak on her topic: how psychiatric diagnoses are used against protective mothers as a weapon—this, when the diagnostic system itself is invalid and scientifically unsupported. As Dr. Caplan put it, over the decades, she became aware of thousands of stories of people whose lives were destroyed, including through loss of a vast array of their human rights, by events that began with and were “justified” by their being diagnosed. One of the most pernicious consequences is the psychiatrization of mothers who report that their children are being molested by their fathers.

Dr. Caplan’s engaging discussion was followed by a much more sobering panel presentation by Barry Goldstein, Andrew Willis, Kathy Giglio, and Leigh Block—the latter two being protective mothers who went through the worst of the worst—experiencing having their precious children murdered by their abusive ex. The remedy is the Safe Child Act, promoted by Barry and the rest of the BMCC community, as a means of avoiding the horrendous outcomes experienced by Kathy and Leigh.

On Saturday afternoon, we heard Camille Cooper talk about best practices in parenting children traumatized by DV and custody litigation. We then were treated to Phyllis Chesler’s keynote, Custody Battles, Pedophile Fathers, and the #MeToo Movement, followed by Nancy Erickson’s keynote address on Parental Alienation and how to fight it. Wendy Murphy then discussed how #MeToo can be used to raise the profile of the protective mothers movement. After this, ten more concurrent workshops covered issues like the history of the DV movement, dealing with young adult children who are estranged from their protective mother, betrayal trauma, and tips for surviving family court. Rita Smith, another BMCC XIV Lifetime Achievement Award winner,

Described the partnerships she developed while at NCADV and what she is doing presently to increase the number of people actively aware of battered mothers’ issues and ways people can work together to combat these problems.

The Saturday working sessions were capped off by an elegant social evening at The Hangar, located (literally) on the runway of the Albany International Airport, about five minutes away from the conference venue. There, protective moms and presenters held a candlelight vigil for Wendi Miller, a protective mom found murdered approximately a week ago, on Easter Sunday, to whom this year’s conference was dedicated. They also enjoyed music, wine, food, and networking.

Sunday’s main session started off with a powerful and moving 90 minute session during which approximately a dozen protective moms told their story in brief, having been coached to do so by Garland Waller. This session was difficult to witness, but the sense of love and support that filled the room as the testimony was going on made up for the heaviness of the topic. We were finally uplifted, however, by the report from Joan Meier that followed. Her talk, Powerful Data and Powerful Voices Bring Real Progress: NIJ Family Courts Study and Congressional Resolution, was filled with good news, including the fact that her years-long research has yielded findings that affirm everything protective mothers have been claiming for years.

The last presentation was given by Renee Beeker and Paul Holdorf, who described findings from the National Family Court Watch Project. The final session was a luncheon at which four prominent leaders and long-time faculty members of the BMCC were honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award: Rita Smith, Dara Carlin, Garland Waller, and Joan Meier. Kristen Hofheimer, the beloved daughter of battered mothers legal advocates Charlie and Diane Hofheimer, received a posthumous award for her lifetime of doing legal representation for protective mothers.

Learn more about the BMCC here .

The CA State Auditor Release Report on Flawed Commission on Judicial Performance

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 27 Apr 2019 00:00:00 GMT

The California State Auditor released their latest audit entitled: Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP), Weaknesses in Its Oversight Have Created Opportunities for Judicial Misconduct to Persist. They used the words and phrases to describe the CJP that are conclusive with the family court advocates voices in regards to this oversight body: flawed, not align with best practices, did not take all reasonable steps, inappropriate demeanor, and have failed to pursue allegations thoroughly and ignored warning signs of ongoing misconduct.

In 2016, CPPA joined Center for Judicial Excellence (CJE), Barbara Kaufman and Court Reform, LLC to request an audit of the CJP based on years of valid family court complaints made to the CJP being dismissed. There had never been an audit of this oversight body in their existence since 1960.

The audit was approve only to have the CJP sue the auditor, stating their recorders were confidential. After the case went into the appeals process and the advocates were able to work with the Assembly and Senate to cut the CJP’s budget, the case settle to move into the audit.

The audit speaks for itself, the judges are not being held accountable and changes are recommended to improve the system. While dismissed originally as disgruntled litigants, even though many were not litigants, the truth was revealed and the advocates were validated in their statement of misconduct by the judges and the dismissal of complaints to the CJP..

As we review the recommendations made by the CA State Auditor, Elaine Howle, we will also look into other suggestions that will aid victims of abuse in our courts. It is time abuse is no longer dismissed in court and judges end the crisis of the abusive parent gaining custody.

The auditors highlights includes:

CJP's investigators failed to pursue allegations thoroughly and ignored warning signs of ongoing misconduct.
- In about one-third of the cases we reviewed, investigators did not take all reasonable steps—interviewing witnesses, obtaining evidence, or observing the judges—to determine the existence or extent of alleged misconduct.
- CJP does not evaluate its complaint data to identify potential patterns of judicial misconduct that could merit investigation.
CJP's structure and disciplinary proceedings are not aligned with judicial discipline best practices.
- Commissioners are involved in both the investigatory and disciplinary functions, resulting in judges facing potential discipline from a body of commissioners that is privy to unfounded allegations of misconduct.
- CJP's reliance on judges to hear cases involving their peers falls short of the voters' intent to increase the public's role in judicial discipline with the passage of Proposition 190 in 1994.
CJP has not taken important steps to improve its transparency and accessibility to the public.
- It has rarely directed its outreach activities toward members of the public—out of more than 120 events held during a five-year period, only three targeted the general public.
- CJP only accepts complaints submitted through the mail instead of allowing for more convenient submissions through its website.
- CJP never holds public meetings to discuss its rules or operations.
Significant changes are necessary to improve CJP's processes for investigating and disciplining judges.
- Changing its structure and operations would require an amendment to the California Constitution.
- It will need additional funding to implement improvements to its internal operations.

Exposing the truth, having transparency and holding our judges accountable for their actions will create an environment that will be more open to protecting children in abusive families with one protective parent.

Read the full audit report here .

Read the reporting in the LA Times and The Recorder .

Family Court Advocate Found Dead

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Fri, 26 Apr 2019 00:00:00 GMT

This month a staunch family court crisis advocate and protective parent reached the day she had been waiting over eight years for, the day her both children reached the end of court order that dismissed abuse and took custody away from her as protective parent. She describe that day as a “freedom” day for her daughter as she turned 18. Sadly, this was also the month of the day we all know will come, the day her life here on earth ended.

Wendi Miller, 48, started Wings for Justice in 2016 to help bring change to the family courts. She recently co-hosted an event, The Medical and Legal Need to Protect Survivors and Children in Family Court, at University California, Irvine with UCI Initiative to End Family Violence and OC Family Violence Council on April 5, 2019. She had been a Marriage and Family Therapist and continued to help women in domestic abuse situations.

It is appearing her murder was random; she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. She went missing the morning of April 20, 2019 and was found on Easter Sunday, April 21. An arrest has been made in her case even though it is ongoing.

She was a devout Christian and lived her life for eternity. It was fortuitous she named her nonprofit Wings for Justice for we believe she is just getting started!

The protective parent community mourns the loss of Wendi Miller. Our sincere condolences to her children and family. May she rest in justice and peace and may her children always feel her protective wings around them.

Learn more about Wendi and her work at Wings to Justice and hear her tell her own story here or here .

Awareness of Tactics Abusers Use and How to Stop this from Progressing

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Mon, 01 Apr 2019 19:25:26 GMT

There is a term that was created that has dismiss abuse. One person started it and abusers used it. It caught on. Abusers learn to play the victims and blame their own victims. DARVO in action! People would rather see men succeed. Women who are truth tellers about men are usually dismissed. Most abusers are men, a small percentage are women.

Women have been used as a scapegoat for years. It is easier to believe a mother did something wrong, is delusional, crazy, vindictive, down right crazy or just a plain liar than to believe a child was abused by the father.

If most people are told a young child was being sexually abused, they would shutter. They would not want to believe it. Their minds may run to a thousand explanations first than believe this horror to be true.

If it were true, they would then be forced to consider, not even believe, that an adult could this to a child. And far worse that a person could do this to their own child. They would only want to think of all the good that person does or how smart that person is, therefore it is not logical.

A person who believed an adult having sex with a child was acceptable came up with Parental Alienation Syndrome, or commonly known as PAS and now downgraded to PA, just plain parental alienation. This person was Richard Gardner. He has since killed himself, but his theory lives on.

PAS does not live in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA). It also does not make the mark for the World Health Organization (WHO). But recent surges by abusers are continuing to push to have this included into both of these important works.

First off, we know that using PAS or PA against a protective parent raises the chance of the abuser having custody of their victims, their abused children. We know that 58,000 children a year are forced to live with their abusers, making that 500,000 children living with their abusers today.

Home is the last place people want to think abuse happens, but it is the first place that needs to be safe for a child. While advocating for child safety in the home as a first priority through H. Con. Res. 72 in the United States House of Representatives, we used the tagline, “Safe Home. Safe Child. Safe World.” When we make our homes safer, we help our world be a safer place, one child at a time.

Today we feature a story by a protective parent. She shares her story for those who do not believe abuse and who many feel pressure to add PAS to mainstream publications. We will share some stories here in our blog and some on our website by those who self added their stories .

Here is her story:

My children told me they were being sexually abused by their father. I did not want to believe it. I believed my children of course, but wanted this to just go away for when I reached out for help, there was no help given. There was no way out I could see.

I thought if my husband stopped drinking it would end. Of course I thought my husband could stop drinking. Both he could not stop. Both continued.

We went to court. I was not believe. My children were dismissed and forced to live with their abuser. At first, my ex made excuses for why the children were saying this, from outright blaming others to planting seeds that is was anyone but him; this included blaming the neighbors, the friends and even the grandfather of being someone who had done this to them. Nothing stuck until I was blamed.

As the children kept speaking out about their abuse, it was dismissed and invalidated time and time again by many departments and agencies designed to protect children and victims.

When it became harder to dismiss the children’s direct cries for help, it became easier to believe I was to blame as a way out for themselves. I “made them hate, dislike and not want to be with their father.”

The truth is I never made them hate or dislike him. I told them they can love a person and dislike a behavior. Children who are abused dislike being abused. They may love the person and even like all that that is showered on them beyond the abuse itself. The grooming process is real. It is the road to abuse and to silence the child.

My children during shared parenting time would come home and say I was saying bad things about their father. They were told this so often by their father that this shared it with me. I would just ask them if that was true. They then realized it was not true. I reminded them they knew the truth; I would listen to them say bad things, but I would not. I was grateful I was told not to badmouth the other parent.

The counselor and “experts’ would actually tell my children I was unhealthy and saying bad things about their father; this was hard on my children. After I lost custody, my child begged me to stop so they could come home. How can I stop doing something I am not doing?

There were expensive trips and adventures, there were unlimited trips to the toys stores, there was no boundaries with bedtime or playtime. It was a fun zone home that came at a price. There was not a supportive parent there. There was no nurturing or healthy love. There was abuse. There was drinking and drunkenness. There was drunk driving. There was the black out days and the hospital stay. There were report after report of the abuse and even neglect reported by someone else in the home. And still they let them live with him.

My children came to believe his lies to a degree, but never all the way. I must have done something wrong they thought, even though what they knew to be true was not wrong. Society at large and some friends believed the abuser as well. Why would the courts remove children from a good mother and place the children with their named abuser? The courts must know more than I do they thought and told me. My children had hope in the experts and when they dismissed the abuse, they were faced with having to function with all of the deceit and lies that dismissed the abuse.

Nobody listened and I was blamed; they all were able to see the truth though. It becoming more and more evident my children were abused did not matter regardless of the first disclosure to all of the evidence they had dismissed in the past, even from the medical professionals.

So while a parent can badmouth a child and confuse a child, the truth never dies. Children, many times, go along with their abuser and repeat what they say to stay safe This can happen up to when they age of the court orders or for years. Speaking the truth can be very dangerous for them. I believe we need a change to allow people to believe abuse. The #MeToo Movement is helping, but people must believe the children, let alone the college student, the coworkers and the lower percentage raped by a stranger. Abused children can favor a safe parent, but that does not mean the father was put down. It means they do not like being abused and nobody needs to tell that to anyone. Abusers put themselves down.

I am writing this to help those who would even consider approving PA or PAS into any diagnostic manual to think again. My children did what they needed to do to stay safe with their abuser. They were able to come home when they turned 18 to be safe once again. If PA or PAS were in the DSM or validated by WHO, I could have been institutionalized and my children would not have a safe place to go once they were free from their abusive father and the system that allowed this to continue. We cannot go backwards and institutionalize truth tellers. We are past that point in our history. We gained the right to leave abuse and it is time we allow that right for children as well. Being a parent does not give you the right to abuse your children.

Yes, some parents badmouth and it is wrong to do so. It happens with married couples and divorced ones. Child though dislike abuse. PAS and PA are used to dismiss abuse and blame the safe parent. The safe parent is not doing this. It is the one already abusing the children. Adding PAS and PA will not stop the abuser, it will hurt the safe parent even more than any bad mouthing has already done. It will weaponizes abuse even more.

Please say no to PAS and PA. We can do better. We can believe the abuse and protect the children from ongoing harm right now. Believe a child.

The inside understanding of the family court crisis

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 14 Mar 2019 03:18:39 GMT

After spending over four years listening to protective parents and adult children survivors of familia abuse, Trey Bundy produced a brilliant look into the family court crisis to help all learn how this abuse is being dismissed.

Center for Judicial Excellence, California Protective Parents Association and attorney Barbara Kaufman brought this crisis to Center for Investigative (CIR), which is now Reveal from Center for Investigative. Together with Whitney Clegg, Bundy met with those involved in the courts, including protective parents.

At first the reporters were told by those who dismiss abuse that parents who report abuse are just after custody for the money. California had moved to linking custody with child support years ago in hope that more fathers would become involved with their children.

What Clegg heard years ago though was not the case with protective parents. Protective parents were there to protect; it was not for financial gain and in fact most lost all of their money as they tried to protect their child/children from abuse.

This hour podcast allows the listener to go into the courtroom and hear first hand to the judge dismiss abuse claims and force children into a reunification camp with the parent the children said was abusive.

Much like the “Leaving Neverland” four-hour documentary on child sexual abuse, this podcast walks us through the steps that help people understand how abuse has been dismissed and to understand this in a way that will not be forgotten.

You will be changed after hearing this.

You will hear directly from the said professional who says there is nothing wrong with her reunification camp. You will hear the orders of not being able to have contact with a protective parent and you will hear much of this from an adult child of abuse.

We also hear from an expert, Joan Meier from George Washington University and founder of DV Leap. Her empirical data shows how abusers work to dismiss abuse and deflect the blame onto the protective parent when abuse is brought to the attention of the family courts.

Let the Reveal team walk you through this now in the podcast they call “ Bitter Custody .”

Acting with True Integrity

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 16 Feb 2019 21:37:43 GMT

We acted with integrity. We forgave him. What if it only happened once.

From the rich, the politicians, the cardinals/bishops/priest, the coaches, the doctors, the Boy Scout leaders, to the parent, we have yet to learn how to deal with child sexual abusers appropriately.

We have put money, power, prestige and age above the safety and wellbeing of our children, our future, for too long.

Yes, there are guidelines from the past 10 to 20 years on how to make it safer for children in the Catholic Church and the scouts, and the #MeToo helped us move forward, but how is it working and how are we dealing with those who have abused in the past?

Today we hear the Catholic Church defrock one of its own, Theodore McCarrick , a former Cardinal accused and found guilty of child sexual abuse, of raping children. This comes at a time when the Catholic Church will gather this coming week to discuss the child sexual abuse scandal part two: how those who did not protect or move into action should be dealt with and how to further protect children from all levels.

Will they be able to move forward? Are those who have covered up abuse the best to know how to move forward in the correct way? The truth is, they must. There has been institutional betrayal everywhere. All need to change. It takes individuals within organizations to stand up.

Advocates New Yorker spent 15 years fighting for the statute of limitations to change for child sexual abuse. The Catholic Church was against such change. When they could see this would move forward, they came out in support of this change.

We are hearing Jeffrey Epstein, though accused of raping and/or molesting over 60 minor children, was given a very light sentence, of which he spent nearly every day out of jail, had his case handled appropriately, “ with integrity .”

When as adults we see all the effects on a child who has been abused and have the facts/evidence of abuse, why are we not prosecuting cases even when the children are unable to speak out about the abuse? Why are we relying on the victims to prove their cases?

The system is one of institutional betrayal . We allow for defense lawyers to bully and deflect in court and outside of court. We have allowed for this environment to continue, possibly for it is still too hard to look at abuse. When we dismiss abuse, we tell others don’t report or you will be dragged through court and wished you had never spoken up. That should not stop victims from moving forward.

Since child sexual abusers rarely have one victim and many have over one hundred, there are more victims than abusers. The victims are a larger group. It is now time for those who are not victims nor abusers to accept that abuse happens and take action.

All of us are imperfect and it is hard to think of someone who has many good qualities and some amazing qualities to be thought of as the evil or sick person who would do such a thing to a child.

When will we know children will be protected? Time, it has taken time. The longer we take though, the more victims there are. We need to continue to move forward. We need to allow those in institutions to know they can step back from the current culture and see the true abuse of power. We are allowed to protect children. We are allowed to speak of abuse even if it makes us or others uncomfortable.

If you are part of an institution, please ask yourself how you are encouraging victims to speak their truth, be heard and be protected. Do you have a culture that dismisses abuse? How can you as an individual ensure you stand up to abuse of power at work, at home and as an example for all?

We have been asking for oversight. H. Con. Res. 72 calls for oversight. We have been asking the Board of Behavioral Sciences, the CA Board of Psychology, the Commission on Judicial Performance and the Judicial Council of California for oversight and change within our family courts. Governor Newsom has started with a huge leap forward with selecting Dr. Nadine Burke Harris to be our state’s first Surgeon General. As an Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) expert and advocate she knows we must lower the ACE scores for all children.

There is much forward motion. We must continue to push forward. We must work together.

It is time for abuse to be believed. You are allowed to believe it. You are allowed to name it.

Moving Past DARVO in the #MeToo Era

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 13 Feb 2019 21:15:52 GMT

Dr. Jennifer Freyd, professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, coined DARVO, Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender , in 1997. Since then many have come to realize sexual abusers use this tactic to gain control and dismiss abuse when a protective parent or victim of sexual abuse speaks up.

Our society has yet to accept most victims at their word. As a whole, society has felt more comfortable with an abuser using DARVO and accept the abusers as the victims. Described as a he said/she said situation, there can be a time when all feels lost for victims of sexual abuse, especially children, and they are left to pick up the pieces due to institutional betrayal.

At the Center for Advance Studies of Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University on February 12, 2019, psychologist Jennifer Freyd and political scientist Vanessa Tyson (both current CASBS fellows) presented at the CASBS Symposium: Betrayal and Courage in the Age of #MeToo to help bring an end to the betrayal blindness in our country.

Dr. Freyd spoke of the need for data to bring change. When surveys are taken at universities to ask if there is a college rape problem in this country, most say yes. Those who say yes though usually say no when asked if it happens on their campus. The data must be collected and shown for most to believe there is a problem where they work, live or study.

With empirical data to show, education must occur, Dr. Freyd explained. This is education must include knowledge of how to respond. We must not shut down the conversation. We cannot let our own uneasiness with abuse silence the abuse.

When asked by the moderator, Paul Brest, former dean and professor emeritus (active) at Stanford Law School, for an example of the courage that is needed to hear abuse, Dr. Freyd gave the example of Brenda Tracy and Coach Riley. Ms. Tracy had been gang raped in 1998 by members of the football team at Oregon State. The case did not move forward and was forgotten by most. In 2014 when Brenda decided to share the story that she had not forgot, and that led her to be able to sit down with the coach she once hated. Coach Riley listened to her. Instead of defending the school, he ordered an investigation. He ended up writing an apology letter, most likely against the school’s recommendation. He had the courage to stand in the truth. He had the courage to say this was wrong. He not only validated Tracy, he ended up working with her to change the rape culture.

There is still a struggle when it comes to what we do after a sexual abuse report is made. Justice has not worked, on many levels. It should not be the victim’s responsibility to bring change as Dr. Freyd noted, but we must all be able to identify what we see without judgement. We need to name the behaviors. She said we cannot debate what happened in the past, as we may never know all the facts, but we can ask what we can know. How is a person responding? Is their behavior a pattern of DARVO, is it gaslighting?

We need to create a safe space for victims to tell if they are ready to share their stories. While the #MeToo movement continues to move the needle towards ending sexual violence, thus enabling more to share their stories, it has been a long road forward with many people raising awareness, the telling of more stories in different sectors and demands for change to end sexual abuse for adults and children.

Our thanks to Margaret Levi at CASBS for hosting this symposium at Stanford, all who participated, especially Dr. Freyd, and for the continuation of this discussion and work to aid awareness for needed change. We hope this story and others abuse stories shared will give all the courage to stand up against abuse.

The video to this discussion can be viewed here .

Dr. Nadine Burke Harris Named CA Surgeon General

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 24 Jan 2019 03:42:06 GMT

Governor Newsom names Dr. Nadine Burke Harris as California's first Surgeon General.

At CPPA we could not be more happy for this direction CA is taking to care for children and prevent adverse experiences for our children.

Many may know Dr. Burke Harris from her TED Talk on ACEs that has been viewed nearly five million times, her book " The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity ," from the conferences by the organization she founded, Center for Youth Wellness or as pictured above, from her Commonwealth Club talk in 2018.

What we all know is she is someone who knows we must change the current situation of ACE scores for our children rising and the effects of these adverse childhood experiences. Her mission is to prevent, screen and heal. To prevent abuse, we all must know it exists and continue to move towards child being removed from abusive situations.

Press Release from Governor Newsom's office:

SACRAMENTO — Governor Gavin Newsom today announced the appointment of two nationally-recognized experts in child development to be key leaders in his administration’s efforts to help the youngest Californians. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a national leader in pediatric medicine, will serve as California’s first-ever Surgeon General, and Kris Perry, a national leader in early childhood policy, will serve as Deputy Secretary of the California Health and Human Services Agency for Early Childhood Development and Senior Advisor to the Governor on Implementation of Early Childhood Development Initiatives.

There is overwhelming consensus in the scientific community around early warning signs and childhood determinants of serious health outcomes. As Surgeon General, Dr. Burke Harris will urge policymakers at every level of government and leaders across the state to consider the social determinants of health, especially for children. Her work will focus on combating the root causes of serious health conditions — like adverse childhood experiences and toxic stress — and using the platform of Surgeon General to reach young families across the state.

Read the full press release from Governor Newsom here .

Press Release from Center for Youth Wellness:

San Francisco, CA — The toxic health crisis, one of the most underreported and serious health conditions in the United States affecting as many as 35 million children, is moving under a giant spotlight this week, with historic new leadership on the issue and ambitious new advocacy efforts.

California Governor Gavin Newsom’s appointment today of toxic stress leader Dr. Nadine Burke Harris as the state’s first surgeon general is a ground-breaking step and an important validation of the need for greater awareness of toxic stress. Burke Harris is the founder of the Center for Youth Wellness (CYW) and has been its CEO for the last six years and is the author of “The Deepest Well,” a landmark book about toxic stress. CYW is the nation’s leading toxic stress organization, with a robust advocacy and education arm and a network of pediatric clinics that screen children for risk of toxic stress.

Read the full press release from Center for Youth Wellness here .

Awarding speaking truth to power

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 13 Dec 2018 07:08:48 GMT

And the award goes to…those who speak truth to power, those who speak for the truth to be known to bring change, and those who refuse to be silent regardless of the reaction of others.

Rachael Denhollander is the recipient of the Sports Illustrated’s “Inspiration of the Year” award this year. She refused to stay silent about her abuse and made way for hundreds of girls and women to come forward and speak of their abuse by Larry Nassar.

One person can bring change. One person abused is wrong. As we continue to learn, an abuser usually has more than one victim.

Denhollander has not only inspired gymnasts to speak up about their abuse, she inspires all to speak up and know it is not their fault.

“We cannot define ourselves to be defined by others,” are the words of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. Dr. Ford spoke up about her abuse by Judge Kavanugh and now is showing the world she will be a voice against abuse and stand with those who speak up about their own abuse when she presented this award to Ms. Denhollander.

Bravo to both of these women. Read the full story here in the Washington Post .

Time has chosen four journalists and a news organization as its Person of the Year for 2018, hailing them for "taking great risks in pursuit of greater truths" in what the magazine called a "war on truth." To all protective parents, we hear you! We thank you for sharing your stories, and we honor you for being guardians of the truth!

Read about this amazing selection of journalists by Time here .

2018 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to Denis Mukwege and Nadia Murad for their efforts to end the use of sexual violence as a weapon of war and armed conflict. Read more of their stories here .

The year started with the Cecil B. DeMille award at the Golden Globes going to Oprah Winfrey.

"Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have," said Winfrey. "I am especially proud of all of the women who have felt strong enough and empowered enough to speak up and share their personal stories. Each of us in this room are celebrated because of the stories we tell and this year, we became the story." Read this full story here .

May the truth be louder in the year ahead and may all have a voice to end abuse.

Victims being heard in Epstein Case

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 14:42:58 GMT

The world of abuse has changed through the telling of the facts. It comes when people are able to speak up and be heard. It moves forward to ending abuse when publications print what journalist gather and risk writing such a piece. It ends the silence of abuse.

This month an older abuse case is receiving more light before even more facts may be revealed in an upcoming December 4, 2018 hearing. This abuse case dates back to before the #MeToo Movement began, a time when the rich and powerful could continue to silence abuse. It is a case that allowed an accused child rapist and molester to not be federally prosecuted.

In his Trump Cabinet hearing for secretary of labor, Alexander Acosta downplayed how he allowed a man with now over 80 identified victims of child sexual abuse take a plea deal that would allow Jeffrey Epstein, a wealthy hedge fund manager, to escape living out the rest of his life in jail. Instead victims were silenced; Epstein, who is now a registered sex offender, only spent 13 months in jail to sleep as he was allowed to go to his “office” for 12 hours a day.

Our thanks to the Julie K. Brown and the Miami Herald for investigating and writing this new story of abuse silenced. Our thanks to those who are helping to expose and bring new litigation to the handling of this serial child rapist matter.

Read the excellent and in depth article here .

#GivingTuesday

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 27 Nov 2018 14:06:52 GMT

Today is #GivingTuesday. It is a day to give to nonprofits whom you want to continue to bring change to make this world a better place. At California Protective Parents, we are grateful for all who help us continue to move forward. We are being heard now like never before. Today we are heading to Washington D.C. to continue to be heard and to move H. Con. Res. 72 through the Senate. We will not stop until children can be safe at home with their protective parent.

You can help by donating now. You have helped us make 2018 the year we were heard like never before. Help us make 2019 the year there is no turning back!

Donate here .

Speaking of Abuse after Aging Out

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sun, 11 Nov 2018 18:39:41 GMT

Here is a story told by a young man about the abuse he said he received and witnessed at the hands of his father, residential schools and then the family court. Sadly in sixth grade, Fletcher Fox was forced into joint custody with his parents. While he preferred to stay with his mother, he was forced to live with his abusive father and his father’s partner. Fletcher tells his story of survival as his father attempted to silence him from speaking of the abuse.

The trauma caused by living with his abusive father led Fletcher to be unable to keep up with his schooling. His father was then able to place him in Logan River Academy in Utah. Threats of isolation rooms, non-contact with parents, restraints and, physical actions at the residential school put fear into Fletcher. He was later transferred to Frederick L. Chamberlain International School in Massachusetts. Parent contact at this school was extremely limited. Fletcher became suicidal due to the situation he was forced into from the abuse to the silencing of abuse.

The school ended up testifying against Fletcher’s mother during a custody hearing and with the judge dismissed the abuse allegations, his father ended up with full custody. Suicide attempts continued, as he tried to leave the school and get help.

Fletcher was unable to speak with his mother nor talk about her with others.

Where have we gone as a society to force children to be separated from their protective parents? Why are we forcing children to live with their abusers?

From reunification camps to any residential camp that silences abuse, our children are being harmed. Abuse to a child is allowed while others profit from the continued abuse to a child is considered trafficking. This must end.

We are grateful Fletcher is now safe and has decided to share his story with us and all of you. At 18 he was able to go back into the loving care of his mother. Healing has begun. It is time we learn from the survivors such as Fletcher. His words must bring awareness for change. It is time all believe abuse happens, protect children from abusive parents and allow children to live with their protective parents.

Watch his story here .

Congress Works to Ensure Children Are Protected in Custody Disputes

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 26 Sep 2018 22:57:53 GMT

H. CON. RES. 72 Pushes State Courts to Consider Children’s Safety Above All Else

WASHINGTON, September 25, 2018—In a triumph for parents and children who have been the victims of family violence, the U.S. House of Representatives passed a concurrent resolution urging state courts to determine family violence claims and risks to children before considering other ‘best interest’ factors. The resolution encourages states to ensure courts rely only on admissible evidence and qualified experts, and adopt qualification standards for third-party appointees. It also affirms that Congress is prepared to use its oversight authority to protect at-risk children.

DV LEAP, the Center for Judicial Excellence and the California Protective Parents Association (CPPA)—three well-known and established non-profit organizations advocating for victims of abuse—have worked tirelessly with Pillsbury, acting as pro bono counsel, to ensure H. CON. RES. 72’s passage. Together they assembled a coalition of more than fifty advocacy organizations supporting the initiative. The bipartisan resolution, spearheaded by Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX) and Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-NY), and cosponsored by more than 80 lawmakers, passed without a vote earlier this evening.

“This day has been a very long time coming,” stated Founder and Legal Director of DV LEAP Joan Meier. “We and our grass-roots allies have been asking Congress to address this problem for over a decade and we are incredibly grateful to our amazing pro bono lawyers at Pillsbury and leading co-sponsors Maloney and Sessions for generating this outpouring of Congressional support. It is not hyperbole to state that this Resolution, by catalyzing improved state court practices, will save some children’s lives and protect others from a childhood full of abuse.”

“California Protective Parents Association is incredibly thankful to all who led, cosponsored and passed this important legislation to help protective parents defend their abused children,” added CPPA Executive Director Catherine Campbell. “By passing this resolution, Congress has assured those children that they need to be heard and believed. They are avowing that, as a nation, we consistently put a child’s right to be safe first.”

The Resolution is a direct response to state family courts’ difficulties hearing and evaluating claims of child abuse and domestic violence during custody litigation. According to the Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence, an estimated 58,000 U.S. children per year are court-ordered into the unsafe custody or care of abusive parents, over the objections of caring parents. Over the past decade, the Center for Judicial Excellence has documented 653 child homicides across the U.S. by a parent involved in a conflict related to divorce, separation, custody, visitation or child support.

“Many of these child homicides were preventable, if family courts had just prioritized child safety,” said Kathleen Russell, the executive director of the Center for Judicial Excellence. “This resolution commemorates the lives of these innocents and helps ensure that more parents are spared the immeasurable grief of losing a child at the hands of an ex-spouse.”

In just two examples of hundreds, Kyra Franchetti, age 2, was murdered in 2016 by her father, who then committed suicide. Her mother’s claims that Kyra’s father was suicidal, abusive and had severe anger issues were repeatedly dismissed by a judge who at the time commented, “this is not a life or death matter”. And just last year, 5-year-old Piqui was murdered by his father after a trip to Disneyland, just days after a family court denied the request of his loving mother, Ana Estevez, to supervise the father’s visitation. The court minimized the father’s past violence toward the child and the father’s threats to kill Piqui’s mother as simply “bad parenting.”

“While Kyra’s voice has been silenced by family violence, her story resonated loud and clear,” said Jacqueline Franchetti, Kyra’s mother. “I want to thank the Congressional members and staff who supported this Resolution for their kindness and compassion. While I miss Kyra every second of every day, this is an important first step to creating lasting change for so many children left vulnerable by our divorce/family court system.”

Piqui’s mother Ana Estevez, a child advocate who has lobbied in Washington on numerous occasions, continued: “Our children deserve to live full lives—my Piqui deserved to live more than 5 years—and this powerful statement by the House gives me real hope that the family court coverups and denials of child abuse are finally being exposed. California passed Piqui’s Resolution a month ago, in honor of my son, and like this federal Resolution, it urges family courts to make child safety their number one priority.”

The list of organizations that have been advocating for passage of H. Con. Res 72 includes Advocates for Child Empowerment & Safety (ACES) ; California Protective Parents Association (CPPA) ; Center for Judicial Excellence (CJE) ; City of Covina ; Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project (DV LEAP) ; ACTION OHIO Coalition For Battered Women ; Azusa City Council ; Battered Mothers' Custody Conference ; Baldwin Park City Council ; California Partnership to End Domestic Violence (CPEDV) ; Center for Child Protection and Family Support ; Child Abuse Forensic Institute (CAFI) ; Child Abuse Solutions, Inc. ; Child Justice ; Child Protection Institute (CPI) at Liberty University ; Child USA ; Children’s Civil Rights Union (CCRU); Children's Justice Fund ; Coalition Against Domestic Violence – Lynchburg VA ; Courageous Kids Network (CKN) ; Darkness to Light ; Distinction in Family Courts (DFC) ; Families Against Court Travesties ; Family Violence Appellate Project (FVAP) ; Futures Without Violence (FUTURES) ; Incest Survivors Speakers Bureau (ISSB) ; Joan of Arc Lawyers Foundation, Inc. ; Justice for Children ; Kids Are Human ; Legislative Coalition to Prevent Child Abuse; Legal Momentum ; Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department ; Lundy Bancroft ; MassKids (Massachusetts Citizens for Children) ; Moms Fight Back ; Mothers of Lost Children ; National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) ; National Coalition for Family Justice (NCFJ) ; National Domestic Violence Hotline ; National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) ; National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS) ; National Organization for Women (NOW) ; National Partnership to End Interpersonal Violence (NPEIV) ; National Task Force to End Sexual and Domestic Violence ; Peace Over Violence ; Piqui's Justice ; Senator Ed Hernandez ; SOAR for Justice ; Stop Abuse Campaign ; Support Network of Advocates for Protective Parents (SNAPP); Talk About Abuse to Liberate Kids (TAALK) ; The Hofheimer Family Law Firm ; The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence ; The Nurtured Parent ; US Alliance to End the Hitting of Children ; and Wings for Justice .

Watch H. Con. Res. 72 be presented and passed here .

Learn more about CPPA's part of the movement to end human rights violations against children here .

Audit of CJP may start - get your complaints to the CA Auditor now!

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 19 Sep 2018 06:49:55 GMT

What was expected to just be a change to Rule 102 of the California Constitution, the lawsuit filed by the Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP) ended on September 18, 2018 with a joint Application for Stipulated Reversal filed on September 17, 2018 being granted in the case of Commission on Judicial Performance vs. Howle et al (the CA Auditor).

The CJP has been dismissing valid complaints, which in turn has allowed for abuse, including sexual abuse of children, to continue. An audit was requested by advocates, but soon after the Legislature approved the audit, the CJP sued the CA Auditor claiming the complaints were confidential and cannot be viewed.

Advocates also requested CJP’s budget be cut (the Senate and the Assembly both voted to cut CJP’s budget by $500,000) to stop the CJP from working without any oversight or accountability.

The erosion of public trust is being stated as a reason for this reversal of the lower court’s ruling to allow the CJP to keep the complaints from the auditor. How could there be any trust when valid complaints are being dismissed and abuse continued for many?

One has to wonder if the PA Grand Jury Investigation (read pages 297 to 313 for the summary of the PA Grand Jury Investigation) into the allegation of sexual abuse in Catholic Church influenced this decision to finalize this in September, even though the agreement was signed in July. The valid complaints being dismissed by the CJP can be compared to abuse being covered up for decades in the church. The PA Grand Jury reviewed 70 years. The audit of the CJP is to review only five years, while it will be the first audit in the entire 58 years of the CJP.

We are asking for anyone who had turned in a complaint to the CJP since August 2011 to submit their complaint as well as proof of submission to the CJP to the California State Auditor. Please ask for the auditor to ensure your complaint survived these past two years post the ordering of the audit and actual audit beginning.

The explanation of disposition states, "The parties stipulated to a reversal so the Auditor can review all of the CJP's documents and conduct a full and fair audit. At the conclusion of this process, the public will have more information, not less. "Public trust" will be enhanced, not eroded by the stipulated reversal."

Let us help ensure this will be a full and fair audit. An audit with complaints “lost” will not enhance the public’s trust. Abuse has been dismissed. It is time the facts are known, all the facts.

Read the full disposition comments here .

Read the settlement agreement here .

Read more here on our page and in The Recorder here .

Send your previously submitted complaint to the CJP (from August 2011 to present) to:

Att: CJP Audit

Elaine Howle

California State Auditor

621 Capitol Mall
Suite 1200
Sacramento, California 95814

CJP Rule Changes and Orders Public Censure and Bar

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Fri, 31 Aug 2018 06:46:01 GMT

Is the public beginning to be heard when it comes to judges who do not follow the law?

After years of valid complaints being dismissed, we are seeing a shift with the Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP).

In August 2018, the CJP has reversed their stand after fighting the CA State ordered audit approved two years ago by the Legislature. The CJP sued the auditor in 2016, claiming the auditor did not right to review the complaints submitted to the CJP, include the valid complaints which were dismissed. After winning in the lower court and during the appeal, the CPJ has offered a proposed rule change that will allow for the audit be beginning as soon as September 4, 2018 with the change to Rule 102 in place.

The CJP has also recently come down hard on California’s Contra Costa County Retired (May 2018) Judge Bruce Clayton Mills. In August, they ruled he is barred from being a judicial officer and is censured. Per the order from the Judicial Council:

The masters found that the charges in the Notice were proven by clear and convincing evidence and concluded that Judge Mills engaged in three instances of willful misconduct, the most serious level of judicial misconduct. The masters also found, in aggravation, that Judge Mills gave evolving and inconsistent statements in response to the charges in the Sweeney matter. Upon careful review of the record in this matter, the commission has reached the same conclusions.

Given the seriousness of the misconduct, the judge’s extensive history of discipline, his failure to appreciate the impropriety of his conduct, and his lack of candor as evidenced by his shifting explanations for his conduct, we conclude that there is a strong likelihood that Judge Mills will engage in subsequent misconduct if he were to serve in a judicial capacity in the future. In order to protect the public and maintain public confidence in the integrity and impartiality of the judiciary, the commission has determined to censure and bar former Judge Bruce Clayton Mills from seeking or holding judicial office, or accepting a position or an assignment as judicial officer, subordinate judicial officer or judge pro tem with any court in the State of California, or accepting reference of work from any California state court, at any time in the future. This is the most severe level of discipline that may be imposed on a retired judge. (Cal. Const., art. VI, § 18(d).)

See the Court Ruling on Retired Judge Mills here .

The systematic dismissal of abuse in family court

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 05:31:00 GMT

Decency. Where did it go in our family courts?

The truth about abuse rarely survives or is even heard in family court anymore. It is pummeled and trampled upon. Lies fly through the halls and rooms made for justice, all while the courts do not seem to care any longer. But it matters. It all matters. And it has always mattered.

When the #MeToo movement went viral almost a year ago, some people stated sexual harassment was no longer OK in the work place. Victims knew though it was never OK.

Is it only not OK if you will be held accountable? Is it OK because you can get away with it?

Living in a world with no accountability for sexual abuse allows abusers to dig a deeper hole. Those who dismiss abuse permit the abuse to continue, even to the point it hurts the abuser and increases the rate of abuse, most likely even enabling an abuser to have more victims. We need not go any further than to look at the Catholic abuse grand jury investigation from PA to understand what happens when abuse is systematically covered up and dismissed. Lives are shattered.

We are at a breaking point though. And it is not just the fact that we are closer to a Federal Resolution for child safety with H. Con. Res. 72, that CA passed HR 113 - Piqui’s Resolution and that the Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP) is about to change a rule to allow the CA State Auditor to have the confidential complaints to review after two years of declaring them “confidential” even to the auditor.

No, there is a breaking point for those who cover up abuse. The abuse does not “go away” when a lawyer convinces a judge that abuse did not happen or the judge just ignored the abuse. Anyone who defends an abuser is allowed to give them a good defense. A good defense though does not include lying, cheating nor illegally manipulating a system designed to allow the truth to bring justice. Anyone who sits on the bench, does not allow evidence of abuse to be entered, and dismisses the abuse presented is also an abuser.

All those who do not follow their oath and honor of the practice of law, not only hurt the system, but they hurt themselves. They carry with them all the harm caused to children when the abuse is dismissed and no safety is given. While we all make mistakes and may be conned by a classic manipulator who abuses, we are at a point where malice has taken over in our courts.

Every lawyer and professional who has dismissed abuse, and even perjured themselves to allow an abuser to have custody of a child for they are just doing their “best” for their client, is on call. To say your actions will catch up with you and stay with you, regardless of how much you dismiss your own responsibility in the corruption of the legal system, is true.

Advocates are demanding the truth to be known. How many valid complaints did our courts watchdog, the CJP, dismiss and allow for abuse to continue? How many family court evaluators dismissed abuse and blamed the protective parent to allow for the abuser to retain or get custody? Why is the Board of Psychology and the Board of Behavioral Sciences not disciplining their licensees when abuse was dismissed and false statements are used against a protective parent? Why are DA’s not prosecuting for perjury? Why have we allowed abuse to children that happens in homes be covered up?

The systematic abuse coverup in family court and by agencies paid to protect children must end. It must end and all those responsible need to be held accountable.

This past week though, we saw justice on an upswing. August 23 is being seen as a day of justice.

On this day in 2018, Piqui’s Resolution, HR 113, was adopted into the CA Legislation to ensure child safety is a first priority and includes other safeguards: court reporters, proper trauma informed training, and knowledge of this resolution to the Judicial Council of CA.

On this day in 2017, justice also came by way of Piqui’s own father being convicted of murdering Piqui and ordered to 25 years to life in prison. Piqui’s mother, Ana Estevez, heard her son declare abuse by his father. The courts dismissed it regardless of the evidence presented, and on the first week following the courts dismissing the abuse, the father suffocated his only child to death.

And on this day in 2018, Piqui’s father’s lawyer, Rebecca Lizarraga, became involved in a two-hour standoff after she was randomly firing a weapon and may have been suicidal. One could speculate living with the guilt of being part of a team that allowed this murdering father to have custody must have been eating away at this lawyer. Within hours of the CA Assembly passing Piqui’s Resolution, the woman who presented lie after lie to the court went to the place Piqui’s body was found more than 70 days after he went missing in 2017. How did she know where Piqui’s body lay decaying? Detectives wanted to know more and were scheduled to speak with Ms. Lizarraga over the weekend in the hospital.

Ms. Lizarraga is on call. Abusers are on call.

All are on call to rise up against abuse.

We understand hurt people hurt people. If you were abused, you can break an abuse cycle instead of abusing others. Get help, instead of abusing others. If you are unable to control yourself, remove yourself from your position as a lawyer, judge, evaluator, counselor or even a parental role. Help is available. Accountability is required. Be accountable to yourself. Require others to be accountable.

There is little to no decency in family court for the abused. That is changing now.

Piqui's Resolution is adopted by the CA State Assembly

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 05:12:33 GMT

August 23, 2018 is a historic day for California and the safety of our children. Assemblywoman Blanca Rubio brought Piqui's Resolution to the floor. While Piqui's mom, Ana Estevez; Center for Judicial Excellence's Kathleen Russell; California Protective Parents, Catherine Campbell, Sandy Ross and Connie Valentine all sat in the gallery, Assemblywoman Rubio spoke from her heart as she told of the horrific death Piqui endured for the abuse was dismissed. Assemblymember Mike Gipson spoke in support of this need for child safety as a first priority. With their voices and the efforts of all the advocates in support of this resolution, all but three members of the Assembly signed on as coauthors!

Learn more about Piqui's Resolution here .

The right to seek safety

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 05:30:02 GMT

Ayten Gündoğdu, Associate Professor of Political Science at Barnard College-Columbia University spoke recently about her book, Rightlessness in an Age of Rights: Hannah Arendt and the Contemporary Struggles of Migrants (Oxford, 2015) at Stanford Summer Human Rights Series: Borders of Personhood: Migration, Human Rights, and Sovereignty.

Professor Gündoğdu spoke about how rights are far from realized for the 65 million refugees in our world (the current U.S. Administration allows for 40K per year, down from 110K). This talk was especially poignant for CA with the recent border crisis of separating protective parents from their children of those seeking asylum in the US.

The talk centered on rightlessness, if you are not a citizen should that equal no rights? It was noted how criminals are given rights over the refugee. This is similar to protective parents who seek protection for their child, but if they cannot afford a lawyer, no lawyer is provided; a criminal is allowed a lawyer though.

Like asylum-seekers, refugees, and undocumented immigrants, protective parents need to be recognized for the "right to have rights." There are many similarities of refugees loss of rights and those of protective parents:

· Loss of legal personhood - protective parents unable to retain a parent role for their own child

· Loss of political community - protective parents not given due process in courts and abuse is dismissed

· Expulsion from humanity - protective parents shamed with loss of custody and are left penniless trying to protect their child

o Near human being

o Isolated

o Basic needs only

They become “precarious personhood,” subjected to another person. They are a person without inherent rights unlike being treated as a human with entitled rights.

Professor Gündoğdu believes all humans should be treated by their actions and opinions, be allowed to belong to an organized community, have due process regardless of status and should be allowed to seek work.

Many compare the US border situation with the family court crisis. Both are protective parents leaving abuse and oppression. The children are taken away from a protective parent and many are abused where they are forced to go. The Leadership Council states with 58,000 children a year in the US forced to have full or part custody with their named abusers, there is an estimated 500,000 children right now in the United States in crisis. On the day that all the border separated children were to be returned to their protective parent, there were over 2,920 children still separated.

Refugees and protective parents must be treated humanely. It is time to recognize the rights of all seeking a better life from abuse.

See Professor Gündoğdu's book here .

Anita Hill 27 years later

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 04:24:58 GMT

Anita Hill continues to stand up calmly in the face of adversity. Twenty-seven years later, while there has been much change, women are still looked upon as the problem for sexual harassment in the work place.

The culture to blame the women continues to happen. It happens in the workplace, it happens on college campuses, and it happens in the home.

If the awareness does not bring change, the cycle to abuse continues. If there is no accountability, there is no change.

Anita Hill sat down with Last Week’s Tonight’s John Oliver. She stated, "We do not need to make rules about the things that rarely happen [false claims], until we finish making the rules about the things that are happening regularly [sexual harassment and assault].”

“There are no innocent bystanders. If you are aware of it, acknowledge it, know it is wrong, but you don’t do anything about it, then it is the same as participating in it,” Hill declared.

Watch the interview on Last Week Tonight, here .

See Anita Hill speak at Silicon Valley YWCA Inspire Luncheon on October 30. Find out more information here .

DBT - a life worth living

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 01 Aug 2018 00:34:53 GMT

Some protective parents are able to provide input and some have medical decision making for their children. At CPPA, we share therapies that have been recommended to us that may be helpful for many children who have experienced abuse. This month we are focusing on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT).

DBT is therapy being used for teens and young adults who struggle with depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), drug and alcohol additions and eating disorders. Dr. Marsha Linehan, Professor of Psychology and an adjunct Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Washington as well as Director of the Behavioral Research and Therapy Clinics, developed this therapy that TIME honored in their book, 100 New Scientific Discoveries.

This therapy is designed to create a life worth living. It focuses on acceptance of where the person is at that moment and helps them move towards change. It is not a suicide prevention program, but a program designed to help the patient live their best life. The goal is to decrease harmful and unhealthy behaviors and allow for new health behaviors to be a pathway to a well-balanced life.

The program includes skill training, individual therapy, coaching, case management and a other therapists for the personal therapist to work as a team.

Learn more about this program here .

Watch the UCSF DBT Program for Adolescents and Young Adults video here .

Image from UCSF DBT Program for Adolescents and Young Adults video.

New research shows lasting effects of trauma

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 26 Jul 2018 23:47:41 GMT

New research has been published in Scientific Reports by researchers from the University of Wisconsin–Madison. Their research showed the stress of a child leaves a lasting mark on the child’s DNA into adulthood.

Many involved in child safety have seen much work regarding the biological results from the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study to the work of Dr. Nadine Burke Harris. This study confirms and advances what has been know already, stress and childhood diversity leads to a change in a person’s DNA and correlates to psychiatric disorders.

The changes to the genes are like fossils, showing up even after 10 years.

The researchers were able to look at the genomes of 22 girls ages 9 -12, half with tranquil lives and half with many adversities.

“’We know that early life stress and the development of psychiatric disorders are related. We want to know how one leads to the other,’ says Leslie Seltzer , a researcher at UW–Madison’s Waisman Center and a lead author on the study with neuroepigenetics researcher Ligia Papale ,” as noted by Chris Barncard on the University of Wisconsin–Madison’s news site.

John Schmid, of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel added a quote by University of Wisconsin–Madison neurosurgery professor Reid Alisch, “The Madison study also could lead the way to create new diagnostic tools. One side-effect of childhood trauma is that victims sometimes cannot recall with accuracy what happened to them.”

Every protective mother would value a saliva test that shows the stress caused to a child. When children are threatened not to tell, protection is often not given. Having evidence to show the impact to a child would be remarkable.

Our hope is these tests continue as well as the research that shows how trauma bodies can continue to heal past the trauma.

Read more from John Schmid, of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, here .

Read more from Chris Barncard, of the University of Wisconsin–Madison’s news site, here .

It is a clear "yes" for child safety

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 26 Jul 2018 23:20:44 GMT

In today’s world, the truth is not always clear. But if you ask children for their opinions, you will usually get candid or sometimes brutally honest answers. If you ask what they think of going to the store before going to the park, or eating their peas before having dessert, their answers are unequivocal. If you ask them how they like your new hat with flowers and bows, prepare yourself for the unvarnished truth.

And if you ask them if all children should be safe at home, the answer comes quickly, clearly, with a direct look and intention of stating a strong “yes!”

Every person knows this should be a given. Every child should be safe at home.

This week a Congressman had his family visiting him on Capitol Hill. His preteen granddaughter was there with him, along with her mother, aunt and their entire families, when advocates for child safety arrived at his office for a meeting about a resolution that would make child safety the first priority in custody decisions.

The Congressman asked to be briefed in person about why this resolution was needed, since the advocates asked for him to be a co-sponsor

With the Congressman's family members present, the advocate showed a graphic of 636 children known to have been murdered after custody was allowed with an abusive or violent parent. The graphic shows a map with red dots in each state for each child murdered, with all of their names and their ages when they died on the back.

It is a powerful image.

The Congressman looked at his young granddaughter and starting explaining H. Con. Res. 72 to her so she could help him decide if he should support this resolution. He was able to explain how some children are not believed when abuse happens to them and they have to live with a parent that is not safe. He was able to help her understand the how it effects children when they are not treated well or are harmed. He told her the resolution is to make keeping children safe the first priority, and if he signed onto the resolution, he would be asking for all states to make child safety the first priority.

His granddaughter responded immediately. “Yes," she said. "I think you should.”

Congressman Joe Barton and his granddaughter, Viviann Day, support H. Con. Res. 72 .

They join 67 other members of Congress and all of the organizations below in supporting child safety as the first priority in custody and visitation decisions.

Is it time your U.S. House Representative cosponsors the resolution that every child needs and every child will tell you is needed?

Our thanks to all the advocates who share the problem and move to solutions, to the new lead sponsor Congressman Pete Sessions, to all the cosponsors and organizations in support of the resolution, and to our new young heroine Viviann!

Current Cosponsors

Rep. Maloney, Carolyn B. [D-NY-12]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Franks, Trent [R-AZ-8]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Suozzi, Thomas R. [D-NY-3]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Raskin, Jamie [D-MD-8]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Eshoo, Anna G. [D-CA-18]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Speier, Jackie [D-CA-14]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Carter, John R. [R-TX-31]*	07/24/2017
Rep. Cole, Tom [R-OK-4]	07/25/2017
Rep. McNerney, Jerry [D-CA-9]	08/04/2017
Rep. Knight, Stephen [R-CA-25]	08/04/2017
Rep. Green, Gene [D-TX-29]	09/28/2017
Rep. Gallego, Ruben [D-AZ-7]	10/02/2017
Rep. Lieu, Ted [D-CA-33]	10/04/2017
Rep. Ryan, Tim [D-OH-13]	10/04/2017
Rep. Rice, Kathleen M. [D-NY-4]	10/04/2017
Rep. Donovan, Daniel M., Jr. [R-NY-11]	10/11/2017
Rep. O'Halleran, Tom [D-AZ-1]	10/11/2017
Rep. Napolitano, Grace F. [D-CA-32]	10/12/2017
Rep. Jeffries, Hakeem S. [D-NY-8]	10/12/2017
Rep. Royce, Edward R. [R-CA-39]	11/16/2017
Rep. Chu, Judy [D-CA-27]	11/16/2017
Rep. Cook, Paul [R-CA-8]	12/07/2017
Rep. Engel, Eliot L. [D-NY-16]	12/07/2017
Rep. Smith, Lamar [R-TX-21]	01/03/2018
Rep. Farenthold, Blake [R-TX-27]	01/03/2018
Rep. Bass, Karen [D-CA-37]	01/03/2018
Rep. Polis, Jared [D-CO-2]	01/03/2018
Rep. DeLauro, Rosa L. [D-CT-3]	01/29/2018
Rep. Lowenthal, Alan S. [D-CA-47]	01/29/2018
Rep. Peters, Scott H. [D-CA-52]	01/29/2018
Rep. Jayapal, Pramila [D-WA-7]	01/29/2018
Rep. Lofgren, Zoe [D-CA-19]	01/29/2018
Rep. Schiff, Adam B. [D-CA-28]	01/29/2018
Rep. Blumenauer, Earl [D-OR-3]	03/20/2018
Rep. Poe, Ted [R-TX-2]	04/05/2018
Rep. Lee, Barbara [D-CA-13]	04/23/2018
Rep. Matsui, Doris O. [D-CA-6]	05/22/2018
Rep. Norton, Eleanor Holmes [D-DC-At Large]	06/05/2018
Rep. Comstock, Barbara [R-VA-10]	06/06/2018
Rep. Roybal-Allard, Lucille [D-CA-40]	06/07/2018
Rep. Faso, John J. [R-NY-19]	06/07/2018
Rep. King, Peter T. [R-NY-2]	06/07/2018
Rep. Gaetz, Matt [R-FL-1]	06/08/2018
Rep. Sensenbrenner, F. James, Jr. [R-WI-5]	06/08/2018
Rep. Meeks, Gregory W. [D-NY-5]	06/08/2018
Rep. Rohrabacher, Dana [R-CA-48]	06/12/2018
Rep. Cohen, Steve [D-TN-9]	06/12/2018
Rep. Stefanik, Elise M. [R-NY-21]	06/13/2018
Rep. Correa, J. Luis [D-CA-46]	06/27/2018
Rep. Garamendi, John [D-CA-3]	07/03/2018
Rep. Swalwell, Eric [D-CA-15]	07/11/2018
Rep. Lowey, Nita M. [D-NY-17]	07/12/2018
Rep. Meng, Grace [D-NY-6]	07/13/2018
Rep. Johnson, Henry C. "Hank," Jr. [D-GA-4]	07/13/2018
Rep. Reichert, David G. [R-WA-8]	07/16/2018
Rep. Carbajal, Salud O. [D-CA-24]	07/16/2018
Rep. LaMalfa, Doug [R-CA-1]	07/16/2018
Rep. Jones, Walter B., Jr. [R-NC-3]	07/18/2018
Rep. Waters, Maxine [D-CA-43]	07/18/2018
Rep. Sanchez, Linda T. [D-CA-38]	07/23/2018
Rep. Marino, Tom [R-PA-10]	07/23/2018
Rep. Issa, Darrell E. [R-CA-49]	07/23/2018
Rep. DeSaulnier, Mark [D-CA-11]	07/23/2018
Rep. Calvert, Ken [R-CA-42]	07/24/2018
Rep. Johnson, Eddie Bernice [D-TX-30]	07/25/2018
Rep. Jackson Lee, Sheila [D-TX-18]	07/25/2018
Rep. Barton, Joe [R-TX-6]	07/25/2018

Current Supporters

Advocates for Child Empowerment & Safety (ACES) www.acesforkids.org

California Protective Parents Association (CPPA) www.caprotectiveparents.org

Center for Judicial Excellence (CJE) www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org

Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project (DV LEAP) www.dvleap.org

ACTION OHIO Coalition For Battered Women www.actionohio.org

Azusa City Council http://www.ci.azusa.ca.us/71/City-Council

Battered Mothers' Custody Conference http://www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org

Baldwin Park City Council https://baldwinpark.com/

California Partnership to End Domestic Violence (CPEDV) www.cpedv.org

Center for Child Protection and Family Support http://www.centerchildprotection.org

Child Abuse Forensic Institute (CAFI) www.childabuseforensics.org

Child Abuse Solutions, Inc. http://childabusesolutions.com

Child Justice http://child-justice.org

Child Protection Institute (CPI) at Liberty University http://www.drjudithreisman.com/contact.html

Child USA http://childusa.org/

Children’s Civil Rights Union (CCRU)

Children's Justice Fund http://childrensjustice.fund

City of Covina https://covinaca.gov/

Courageous Kids Network (CKN) http://www.courageouskids.net

Darkness to Light https://www.d2l.org

Distinction in Family Courts (DFC) http://distinctioninfamilycourts.org

Family Violence Appellate Project (FVAP) http://www.fvaplaw.org

Futures Without Violence (FUTURES) https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org

Incest Survivors Speakers Bureau (ISSB) http://www.issb.us

Joan of Arc Lawyers Foundation, Inc. http://www.joanofarclawyers.org

Justice for Children http://justiceforchildren.org

Legislative Coalition to Prevent Child Abuse

Legal Momentum http://www.legalmomentum.org

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department www.lasd.org

MassKids (Massachusetts Citizens for Children) http://www.masskids.org

Moms Fight Back http://momsfightback.org/

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) www.ncadv.org

National Coalition for Family Justice (NCFJ) http://www.ncfj.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.thehotline.org

National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) http://nnedv.org

National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS) http://nomas.org

National Organization for Women (NOW) http://now.org

National Partnership to End Interpersonal Violence (NPEIV) https://www.npeiv.org

National Task Force to End Sexual and Domestic Violence http://www.4vawa.org

Peace Over Violence https://www.peaceoverviolence.org/

Piqui's Justice https://www.facebook.com/SeekingJusticeForPiqui/

Senator Ed Hernandez http://sd22.senate.ca.gov/

SOAR for Justice http://soarforjustice.org/

Stop Abuse Campaign http://stopabusecampaign.org

Support Network of Advocates for Protective Parents (SNAPP)

Talk About Abuse to Liberate Kids (TAALK) https://www.taalk.org

The Hofheimer Family Law Firm https://hoflaw.com/

The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence http://www.leadershipcouncil.org

The Nurtured Parent http://nurturedparent.org

US Alliance to End the Hitting of Children http://endhittingusa.org

Wings for Justice http://wingsforjustice.com

The reliability of custody evaluations in question

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 24 Jul 2018 13:23:14 GMT

There is an excellent, new article in the New York Law Journal by Timothy M. Tippins called “Psychological Testing: Controversy and Consensus” this month. The article describes court cases used to determine the reliability of psychological testing in custody cases. From Frye, Frye v. United States (293 F. 1013 [D.C. Cir 1923]), to Daubert, Daubert v. Merrill Dow Pharmaceuticals (113 S.Ct. 2786 [1993]), there has been a shift to not having a general acceptance of the reliability of the findings and testimony.

One issue they look into is the computer generated outcomes of psychological testing, something both side of the evaluation argument agreed upon. These generated outcomes provide an analysis that may not be correct, that all cases are not cookie cutter, the algorithms used are unknown and the psychologist may cherry pick the finding from the report to include as their own work without putting them in quotes to show the finding came from another source. If the psychologist is questioned about a finding, he or she would not be able to point to the source of the finding if it was quoted from another source.

These may just be the beginning of the problems though. While many protective parents are ordered into evaluations, which can include many psychological tests, the protective parent may feel more comfortable without the psychologists own interpretation since many feel there is already a bias with many evaluators dismissing evidence, allegations or even convictions of abuse.

These case reference could be very helpful to the pro per litigant when having to cross exam the evaluator. There is even a quote in the article by one prominent psychologist, Robyn M. Dawes, who stated a person should walk out of an evaluation if asked to perform an ink blot test or other types of these psychological tests. It should be noted, many evaluators may view the refusal of a test as contentious and may have a negative outcome.

The question of using evaluators is also being questioned by some family court reform advocates. The evaluations can cost tens of thousands of dollars which are many times paid for by the named abusive parent. Many of the evaluators are not trauma informed and do not have abuse expertise. Even without psychological testing, many believe the psychologists are not protecting the child/children when they consistently dismiss abuse.

Currently the Board of Psychology has not been addressing many concerns of protective parents who see a bias and/or missteps of psychologists in their evaluations. The next California Board of Psychology meeting will be Thursday to Friday, August 16-17, at 9 am both days. Public comment will be soon after the start on both days, although the Enforcement Report will be on Friday, August 17. If you have a complaint that has not been processed correctly, you may prepare a statement. If you have an open case or plan to open a complaint, they request you do not give specifics since this board reviews complaints.

The questions of evaluations and the use of psychologists in custody cases shall continue.

Read the New York Law Journal article here .

Find out more information on the Board of Psychology meeting here .

The Arthur Ashe Award for Courage

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 19 Jul 2018 07:33:02 GMT

Abuse, silence, victory. Abuse, silence, victory.

ESPN’s ESPY Awards saved the best for last this year. The Arthur Ashe Award for Courage was given to the survivors of USA Gymnastics and Michigan State’s dismissed sexual abuse for they continued to speak until they were heard.

An Indiana newspaper had the courage to share the story. It allowed more and more athletes to say me too. Years and years of sexual abuse occurred to over hundreds of girls. Rachael Denhollander was the first gymnast to go public. Along with the work of Detective Lieutenant Andrea Mumford of the Michigan State Police Department and Assistant Attorney General Angela Povilaitis who prosecuted the case, the abuser has been stopped.

They told in 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2004, 2011, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016. Childhood sexual abuse was reported and dismissed, invalidated and the abuser was admired.

Their stories are amazing. Jennifer Garner introduced the award. It was as if she had to warn the audience even though most had seen the victim impact statements made at the trial of Larry Nassar at the beginning of 2018. “Because it needs to be said.”

The ESPY video compilation is amazing. This is a less than 10 minute journey worth taking. It is “Sister Survivors” walking us through the journey of their courage. Courage to stand up to those who dismissed the abuse, year after year, is nothing short of heroic. It is beyond courageous, it is life changing and we hope it helps end the culture that dismisses abuse.

Listen to the acceptance speeches.

· "We must start to care more about children's safety more than we care about adults' reputations."

· "You cannot silence the strong forever!"

· "1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2004, 2011, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. These were the years we spoke up about Larry Nassar's abuse"

· "All we needed was just one adult to stand between us and Larry Nassar."

· "Do not let anyone rewrite your story."

Aly Raisman is now working with Darkness to Light to help adults spot the signs of sexual abuse. We encourage all to take this online class, Flip the Switch. A child may only tell once. Know how to respond to their cry for help. Thus far 1,600 people have taken this course!

Together we can end the culture to dismiss abuse and make a child’s safety everyone’s first priority.

Watch the ESPY Sister Survivor video here .

Watch the ESPY Arthur Ashe Award for Courage acceptance speeches here .

Flip the Switch here .

Read the IndyStar article here: Out of Balance: An IndyStar investigation into USA Gymnastics

Separated for seeking help

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sun, 15 Jul 2018 02:59:58 GMT

"I had no idea that I would be separated from my child for seeking help."

These words by Mirian , a citizen from Honduruas, are from her declaration regarding seeking asylum in the United States of America and having her son separated from her.

Sadly in America, protective parents are shocked to know this same, sad truth. Seeking help may result in not just being separated from your child, but also losing custody of your child. Abuse is denied in most cases; as according to the data from the Lucile Packard Packard Foundation , abuse is only substantiated 1.4 to 13.6 % of the time in California counties. Lawyers will tell protective parents across the U.S., if you report abuse of your child during a custody hearing you have very high odds of losing custody. Research from George Washington University professor Joan Meier shows when abuse is reported by a woman, the more likely she is to lose custody to the abusive father.

The following are Mirian’s quotes and the facts of protective parents reporting abuse by the other parent to their own child in the United States.

“They did not provide any reason.”

Many parents lose custody for no reason know to the protective parent; frankly, due to the fact that there is no correct reason. When a protective parent losing custody, it is usually due to claims of the protective parent being crazy, delusional, bad mouthing the other parent, being a non-friendly parent, or even “alienating” the child from the named abuser, even when there is no evidence of abuse or illness by the protective parent.

“I need to be able to hold him and reassure him that he is safe and his mother is here for him.”

Protective parents protect. If a child is not protected by a parent, they can be charged and lose custody of their child for failure to protect. It is a catch-22, report and you most likely will lose custody or do not report and also risk losing custody.

When abuse is reported, it has been shown protective parents are told to deny the abuse and tell the children they are safe to enable them to retain custody, even when the child has reported abuse by the other parent. No parent should ever have to lie to their child, dismissing their abuse, to keep custody of their child.

“My son also needs my care to make sure he is healthy and doing well.”

A child needs a protective and nurturing parent. This is what a child needs to be healthy. The research continues to be highlighted in the news of the danger of toxic stress to the children for not being with their safe parent.

“On April 3, 2018, I received a positive, credible fear finding from a San Antonio immigration judge.”

Even with evidence of abuse, regardless of the credible fear of a protective parent to leave a child with an abuser, abuse is dismissed. As many know, some evidence is not allowed in court. Parents in the United States have had their worst fears come true. In the past 10 years, there are 636 known children who have been murdered by a parent in custody and separation situations. There is reason to fear for a child’s safety and wellbeing when abuse is dismissed and the abuser is given unsupervised time with their child; in some cases even supervised time is harmful to a child.

“I will do everything that I need to do to seek protection in the United States.”

One study has shown 27% of protective parents go bankrupt for standing up to protect their child in America. While most will pay their last dime to protect their children, it Is not enough to protect them. Seeking protection from abuse here in the United States is not only what many do, some have had to flee to find protection. One family fled the U.S. to seek asylum in another country for no protection was given here at home. See the documentary, “ No Way Out But One .”

“It would not be safe for my son and me to return to Honduras.”

It is not safe for children to live with abusers. Do protective parents need to leave America to seek asylum outside the United States? When will there be more protection for children in the U.S.?

It is not safe for children when adults and systems designed to protect children dismiss most abuse cases. It is time to believe a child and bring the American children back with a protective parent as well as Mirian’s child and all of those illegally separated at the border.

Families Belong Together, and so do protective parents and abused children

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 11 Jul 2018 03:36:14 GMT

The Families Belong Together crisis has moved many Americans to stand up against the separation of protective families. Fundraising has garnered over $20 million dollars to reunite immigrant parents with their children. Marches took place in approximately 700 locations in our United States with tens of thousands people to protest the actions of these children being taken from their families.

People spoke out from Nadine Burke Harris describing how trauma changes the brain of a child taken from a healthy parent to the US Senate introducing S.3036 – Keep Families Together Act with 48 cosponsors by June 18. On June 20, President Trump ended the policy of separating these children by an executive order .

Today is the deadline to reunite the children five years old and younger with their parents. It is reported only about half of those in this age group will be reunited.

That leaves half of the five and under still without their parents and the approximate 2,900 other children separated.

How many American children are still separated from a protective parent? With 58,000 children a year forced into unsupervised time with a physically or sexually abused parent per the Leadership Council , there could be 500,000 children currently living with an abusive parent here, in America .

These stories matter to us. Many protective parents have spoken out, some with much pain and confusion. Even though they may support the border crisis families, some cannot understand how Americans can rally for these 3,000 children when their child/children are still forced into unsupervised time with the abusive parent, with many of these protective parents having zero custody, some not having seen their own child/children for years and multiple children being trafficked when not with the protective parent.

We understand the issues of fleeing abuse in the US needs to be addressed. When protection is not given, or even if some protective orders are in place, once the family courts become involved, abuse, more often than not, is dismissed. Our work continues to change the awareness of the problem and bring the needed change to our courts to protect these children to begin with and reunite those already separated.

Our hope it to have all children with their protective parents as soon as possible. It is up to each and every one of us to stand up to abuse and protect children. We need to change the culture and we are grateful Americans stood up for the children separated at the border. Now let us all stand up for the American children needing refuge from abuse in the same way with our words, actions, money and requests for our government to do more to protect children.

Are our courts forcing women into single parenting?

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 10 Jul 2018 20:01:03 GMT

Are our courts forcing protective parents into single motherhood to avoid having abuse dismissed by the courts? Here is one story that says, yes, America is not keeping most of their protective parents and their children safe from ongoing abuse.

We thank Hera McLeod for sharing her story and congratulation her on being a strong and wonderful single, protective parent!

In an article she wrote for the Huffington Post, she explains, “Even more importantly, I also have the power to eliminate toxic people from my life without fear that a judge will tell me that biology trumps my child’s right to safety.”

After losing her son due to the lack of protection from her abusive, former husband which led to him killing their son, she is now the proud mother to a daughter. Will this be a choice that will see an upwards trend?

According to the March 17, 2016 National Health Statistic Reports, Trends in Attitudes About Marriage, Childbearing, and Sexual Behavior: United States, 2002, 2006–2010, and 2011–2013, there is a high percentage of women who feel it is OK for a woman to be a single parent.

“A higher percentage of women aged 25–34 (81.6%) agreed with the statement, “It is okay for an unmarried female to have and raise a child,” compared with those aged 15–24 (76.5%), but the difference in percentages between women aged 15–24 (76.5%) and 35–44 (76.8%) was not significant.”

For many, not finding the right partner could be the reason for this high percentage of unmarried new mothers. The CDC reports in 2016 there were 1,569,796 live births to unmarried women, which was 39.8% of all live births.

McLeod believes finding the right partner is essential since 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce in the US according to the American Psychological Association. While there are no guarantees your marriage will work and not include domestic violence, marriage rates remain around 50% .

Read Hera McLeod’s story here .

EMDR for trauma therapy

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 30 Jun 2018 04:40:01 GMT

There are some protective parents who need good self-care from the trauma of having their children removed from their care. Many have been learning more about the trauma to a child when separated from their nurturing and protective parent, but the pain from losing custody of your child to their abuser is deep trauma as well. Fortunately, some are at a stage to help their children receive therapy as they are past the forced custody with the abuser.

One type of treatment that has helped many is ERDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which alleviates traumatic memories through psychotherapy. It was originated and developed by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. in 1987. This form of treatment has been tested and is now recommended in Practice Guidelines of the American Psychiatric Association, and those of the Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs.

We thought Ricky Greenwald's Trauma Institute list of good trauma treatment modalities was worth sharing with all of you.

Within the phase model treatment approach, any good trauma resolution method can be used. However, we most highly recommend (and teach) EMDR , which has been found to be the most efficient of the research-supported trauma resolution methods, for adults as well as children. We also recommend (and teach) PC , which is based on existing proven-effective methods, has a growing research base, and appears to be at least as effective and well-tolerated as EMDR, while being more efficient. Here is a selective annotated list of leading proven-effective trauma resolution methods for adults and children. Each involves some way of having the client systematically face and work through the memory, without becoming overwhelmed, so that the healing can occur.

Prolonged Exposure (PE) involves having the client tell the story of the trauma memory in detail, along with thoughts and emotions, from beginning to end. And then tell it again, and again... The theory is that as avoidance of the memory is prevented, the client has a chance to learn that it can no longer hurt, and desensitization occurs. This is an effective, well-researched treatment, mainly for adults.

Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) is an exposure variant that involves having the client write down the trauma memory rather than speak it; the writing may provide some distance, making the procedure more tolerable. Most of the research on CPT has been with adult victims of rape, but one study of incarcerated teens with PTSD also showed CPT's effectiveness.

Trauma-Focused Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) is a treatment for children that involves having the child create a book of the trauma memory, in which each page of the book represents one significant part of the event. The drawing helps to hold the child's interest, while going only a page at a time breaks down the memory into small parts, so that facing it is more tolerable. This method is well tolerated by children and well researched.

Narrative Exposure Therapy (NET) begins by creating a graphic time line of the client's life, marking all of the best and worst events along the way. Then the worst events are addressed sequentially using narrative exposure (basically PE). NET has been found to be rather efficient with children as well as adults, perhaps because the broader life perspective from the time line has been structured in.

Traumatic Incident Reduction (TIR) involves having the client imaginally view a "movie" of the trauma memory, and then discuss it with the therapist. This is repeated until no further distress is reported. TIR could use more research but appears to be efficient and well tolerated by children as well as adults.

Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing (EMDR) involves having the client concentrate on the worst part of the memory for perhaps half a minute at a time, while moving his or her eyes back and forth by following the therapist's moving fingers. This is done again and again until all distressing aspects of the memory have been worked through. The brief burst of exposure, combined with the distraction of the eye movements, may help to make the procedure more tolerable. This web site features a lot of information on EMDR, because it is well researched, effective, well tolerated, and has been found to be more efficient than the traditional exposure methods (such as PE, TF-CBT).

Counting Method (CM) involves having the client visualize a "movie" of the trauma memory, from beginning to end, while the therapist counts out loud from one to one hundred. The visualization, time limit, and distraction of the counting may help to make the procedure more tolerable. In the one controlled study completed so far, CM appeared to work as well and as quickly as EMDR (PE took about 50% longer for the same results). It has so far been used only with adults.

Progressive Counting (PC) is a variant of the counting method, developed by Dr. Greenwald, designed to make the treatment more efficient and better tolerated by clients. PC involves having the client visualize a series of progressively longer "movies" of the trauma memory while the therapist counts out loud first from one to 10, then to 20, then 30, etc. PC appears to be at least as effective as EMDR, well tolerated by clients, more efficient, and relatively easy for therapists to learn. PC is now featured in many of our training programs.

Structured Play Therapy is a structured, directive style of play therapy that guides the child to repeatedly go through the trauma memory, in symbolic form. This is not a manualized treatment approach like the others on this page, and the research supporting this approach is not as strong as for most of the others listed. Even so, it is a legitimate and potentially effective way of conducting "exposure" with a child.

Note that there are other promising methods around, such as Emotional Freedom Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, etc., which may be added to the list if/when sufficient supportive research is published.

See The Trauma Institute and the Child Trauma Institute here .

See the EMDR Institute, Inc. (Francine Shapiro, Ph.D.) here .

LA County Calls for Better Protection and a Mother Sues for No Protection

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 28 Jun 2018 03:54:44 GMT

Another child has died in Los Angeles County after reports of abuse were made to child protection services, known as Department of Child and Family Services (DCFS) in LA. The LA Board of Supervisors are calling on DCFS to review the matter of 10-year-old Anthony Avalos’ death after multiple reports of abuse led to no protection.

Some of the County Supervisors recalled the death of a child in their county in 2013 which prompted them to do more through the Board of Supervisors after multiple reports of abuse were not acted upon to protect eight-year-old Gabriel Fernandez. They did not want to see this happen again.

This was also after the 2012 State Audit in LA titled Management Instability Hampered Efforts to Better Protect Children. The summary was instability in the department’s management has hampered its efforts to address long-standing problems, it saw high turnover in management (including four directors in just over one year!) and from 2008 to 2010 the department completed fewer than a third of home and caregiver assessments before placing children with relatives.

The death of a child in 2017 has promoted Piqui’s mother, Ana Estevez, to file a lawsuit against DCFS this week for not protecting her child. With no protection given, the father was allowed unsupervised time with his son. Soon after the court ruling which dismissed the abuse and no protection from DCFS, the father took his son to Disneyland, knowing he was planning to murder him afterwards, and after he did kill his own son, he left him propped up next to a tree. Piqui would have been six today if protection was given.

Every county struggles with the protection of children. Abuse must be believed. The audits alone and the continual deaths should be enough for our state and our country to know change is needed now. Children must be protected.

Read the LA Times article about the death of Anthony Avalos here .

Read the LA County DCFS Audit from 2012 here .

Read the Pasadena Star-News article of the lawsuit by Ana Estevez here .

Information about the LA DCFS protest on July 2 is here .

Connie Valentine - a hero to children

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 19 Jun 2018 23:04:59 GMT

Today is a day to recognize a hero to children, a compassionate woman who has dedicated the second half of her life to ensuring children can be safe from abusive parents.

This woman is Connie Valentine. Today we honor her for her choice to serve children, to be a voice for the voiceless and to live out her faith by serving others with love and respect.

A mother of two and grandmother to one, Connie started California Protective Parent’s Association (CPPA) with Karen Anderson in 1998. Without her contribution to this movement, we would not be as far along as we are today. She remains a constant force for good and continues to dedicate her life to this cause to end child abuse in homes instead of full-time retirement.

So many people reach out to Connie each and every day regarding protective parents losing custody. The mothers who lost custody in 1977 in Buenos Aires were an inspiration to her to start the Mothers of Lost Children Movement. Good mothers need to care for their children to nurture them into adulthood. Good mothers will always rise and say enough is enough.

To Connie on this special day, may you receive all the love you have given to others in this lifetime. May your work touch every protective parent and their children across the US and at our borders. We honor you, we thank you and are grateful to know you.

The wisdom from heroes should be shared. Connie continues to share via CPPA, and today we share the notes from her talk she gave at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference in May 2018 , The History of the Mothers of Lost Children Movement.

In her own words, Connie Valentine (slide deck here ):

I want to tell you the story of a social justice movement we call Mothers of Lost Children.

It started in 1995 when three mothers started meeting every week at the pretty quiet Davis CA Central Park. We sat on wooden benches by the Hattie Weber Museum to wail and talk and pray for our children who lived with abusers.

We talked about the Madres de la Plaza de Mayo and decided to pattern ourselves on those astonishing women Their adult children had been “disappeared” by the Argentine government during a brutal military dictatorship.

They defied the government’s state terrorism and began marching in 1977 at the Plaza de Mayo in Buenos Aires in front of the Casa Rosada presidential palace. Casa Rosada means “the pink house”.

They were first responders to the junta’s dreadful human rights violations.

It occurred to us that our children were basically being “disappeared” from us by the US government.

Rather than being killed, most of the children were “missing in action” or in home-based prisoner-of-war camps that were far worse than government-run prisons.

But over time, more and more reports of custodial batterers murdering the disappeared children began to surface.

We realized our government was an ally in our opponents’ vicious war against children.

Having grown up in a military family, and being a really good player of the board game Risk, I knew a bit about war tactics. I knew you needed to gather troops, work together and move carefully. If you did not have equal or greater power than your opponent, you needed to gather stronger allies.

So we began. We moved from wailing to flailing. Little did we know at the time that:

· Phyllis Chesler had already written Mothers on Trial in 1986

· Elizabeth Morgan MD was put in prison in 1987 for not telling where her child was hiding.

· The Friends of Elizabeth Morgan became Alliance for the Rights of Children, then became One Voice.

· The book Screw the Bitch: Divorce Tactics for Men was published by Dave Hart in 1991.

· Maralee McLean organized a protective mother rally at the US Capitol on Mother’s Day.

· Joan Pennington founded the National Center for Protective Parents in New Jersey in 1992.

We started having conferences in Davis about child sexual abuse, and slowly began to find each other, one by one. We found out about Joan Pennington, and decided to call ourselves CA Protective Parents Association, which would be the formal organization. Mothers of Lost Children was and is a decentralized social justice movement with no structure.

The federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) passed, shifting the support of children from the state to the parents. Healthy Marriage Promotion and Fatherhood Initiative gave annual awards of $150 million, and Access and Visitation (AV) gave grants of $10 million per year to states for programs to support and facilitate noncustodial parents. The focus was on fathers, and included a website fatherhood.gov . Mothers applied and were turned away.

In 1996, we met a woman named Josie whose little boy would not stop talking about sexual abuse being inflicted on him by his father, regardless of the retribution. By 1998, Josie died and her boy was put full time with the pedophile father.

A kind friend who was CEO of a foundation sent us a large check made out to California Protective Parents Association. That was a problem. Since we had no real status, we had to put the check with a local non-profit DV agency. But by October 1999, our rag tag group of traumatized mothers managed to figure out how to establish a non-profit. Karen Anderson became Executive Director and I became President. We had no idea what we were doing.

But we did make allies with bigger organizations, went to conferences to find more mothers, began the Courageous Kids Network, and met at least yearly with the CA Judicial Council to try to find ways to stop the madness.

We tried so many things. One of the most effective things we did was to take Mothers of Lost Children bulletins with a one page history of different California cases to the Legislature every week.

· We did this under the Mothers of Lost Children title because non-profits are limited in lobbying ability.

· This strategy resulted in several good laws, which were ignored by the judiciary.

· We moved from flailing to bailing.

The Battered Mothers Custody Conference began in 2004. That next year we spearheaded the PBS documentary Breaking the Silence: Children’s Stories and worked with PROTECT to end the incest exception in California in 2005.

We met Kathleen Russell from Center for Judicial Excellence who galvanized the media and led our lobby efforts.

There were inspirations along the way. When Jessica Lenehan Gonzalez ’ three girls were abducted by the father and killed, she took her case all the way to the US Supreme Court, and when they said she had no Constitutional right to police enforcement of her restraining order, she asked “Who is the boss of the Supreme Court.” She was one small brave battered mother who stood tall and refused to give up.

In 2007, Attorney Dianne Post petitioned the Inter-American Commission on behalf of ten of our mothers whose children were taken and placed with batterers. The Inter American Commission has not yet made a determination in our petition, a decade later.

But the Commission did find that the United States had committed human right violations in the Gonzalez case and we were failing in our legal obligation to protect, recommending “multifaceted legislation at the federal and state levels, or reform existing legislation, including protection measures for children in the context of domestic violence.” (2011)

More documentaries were made over the years, including Family Court Crisis , No Way Out But One and most recently What Doesn’t Kill Me . Someone quipped What Doesn’t Kill Me Gives Me PTSD. Hundreds of articles and books have been published on the issue. FOX television did a year-long series and ABC , NBC, and the Center for Investigative Reporting are working with us. A landslide of media attention broke open the pedophile priest scandal.

Our research on 399 protective mothers surveys from 39 states shows

· 90% of protective mothers were battered

· Over 80% had custody before they asked family court to protect the children from battery and/or incest

· After the court fleecing process by lawyers, evaluators, mediators, guardians, and other hungry professionals reduced the mothers to penniless, jobless, homeless, and friendless, 98% had to represent themselves against their batterer who had one or more attorneys.

· 75% lost custody to the abuser. In California, 85% lost custody .

· Two thirds of these brave kids kept reporting abuse even while with the abuser, but were still disbelieved.

Nothing seemed to halt the process of stripping children from safe mothers and sending them to be beaten and raped.

So we decided to go to Washington DC and ask the new president for help.

Beginning on Mother’s Day in 2010, we demonstrated for 5 weeks in front of the White House, our presidential palace.

We found the suffragists headquarters while we were there and discovered that they too had tried to stop the madness back in 1848. Right in the middle In their Declaration of Sentiments, opposing patriarchy, Elizabeth Cady Stanton wrote:

“ He has so framed the laws of divorce, as to what shall be the proper causes of divorce, in case of separation, to whom the guardianship of the children shall be given; as to be wholly regardless of the happiness of the women—the law, in all cases, going upon a false supposition of the supremacy of a man, and giving all power into his hands .”

We started to learn our way around Washington DC and decided to come back twice a year, demonstrating and going to Congress in our white t-shirts, telling our stories, hoping someone would know how to stop the human rights violations. We held several Congressional briefings on Safety for Children of Divorce.

Joan Meier from DV LEAP stepped in, helping with a federal Resolution patterned on a 1990 Resolution 172 by Connie Morella. It urged that credible evidence of physical abuse of one's spouse should create a statutory presumption that it is detrimental to the child to be placed in the custody of the abuser. This spurred good state laws.

H. CON RES 72 is the current Resolution, which urges states to make child safety the first priority in custody decisions.

From wailing, to flailing to bailing, we are now sailing. We are in a small boat in choppy waters, but we are right side up.

We found that protective mothers fit a profile: you are generally prayerful people who are attractive, intelligent and assertive. Everything was taken, your dignity, your resources, your job, your friends, your family and then your children. You became mothers of lost children. It is a club nobody wants to join, but here we are.

What can you do?

-Pray without ceasing. We have a Christian based prayer conference call at 9 pm PST every night if you want to join.

-Get a buddy. Laugh together. Don’t drink or drug – you need every brain cell to be working perfectly in this battle.

-When you are with your children, stop being an activist and go back to being a safe, loving, nurturing mom.

-Practice aggressive niceness with everyone in the system, including your opponent. Be especially kind to each other.

-Be careful about asking for support. Batterers do not like to pay, and may get custody so you have to pay them.

-Understand that we are up against something much bigger than ourselves and our cases. Family courts work like a well-oiled machine for the perpetrators where a theory called parental alienation is used as a legal tactic for pedophiles. As war correspondent Keith Harmon Snow said in his book The Worst Interests of the Child , this is not like organized crime. This is not similar to organized crime. This IS organized crime. We call it judicial trafficking.

-Start a court watch program. Whistleblower judge DeAnn Salcido that court watch by citizens strikes fear into judges, so we immediately started one in Sacramento. You can see the results on our website. You can do this too.

-If your Congress member has not signed on as one of the 35 [48 current] cosponsors of H CON RES 72 which has over 50 support organizations, take a bunch of friends to meet and ask him or her to become a cosponsor. It is especially effective to go to a Town Hall meeting and speak to them publicly.

-Since family court is a state issue, work with state Legislators to on a bill making child safety the highest priority.

-Start a county workgroup of DA, law enforcement, CPS and DV agencies to have them each write a child safety plan.

-Request Congressional Oversight hearings for an undercover operation like Operation Greylord in Chicago .

-Find an attorney to sue the federal government for gender biased grants that injure children, to stop the money flow.

-Never, ever give up.

The border crisis and the family court crisis - the separation of children and a protective parent

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 19 Jun 2018 19:05:45 GMT

Children taken from parents; this is the headline we have all been reading about this week as nearly 2,000 children have been taken from their parents as they attempt to enter the United States of America from Mexico.

The outcry comes for the illegal activity from those who desperately flee their country are treated to what has been called child abuse , inhumane, immoral, cruel and a disgrace to our country.

Many protective parents know how this feels to have a child taken and their children know how wrong and devastating this is to them. We all should know this based on the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Study done by Kaiser and the CDC. If you do not know about this study, please learn more here and about toxic stress here .

When our country allows American children from the United States to be taken away from a protective parents, this should not be shocking that it is happening to illegal immigrants. Both are an outrage. This happens at the rate of 6,692 to U.S. children compared to the 1,995 taken from at least one parent on the border in a six week period.

The legal stand is that this is a policy. Even if it was a law, how can we allow this to happen when we understand ACE scores and how it effects a child being separated from their nurturing parent(s)? Protective parents have been working to change this in the USA for decades.

Abuse is being dismissed to our children with US citizenship at the rate of 58,000 per year, which is 6,692 in six weeks/1,115 per week, and 160 children per day, and are being forced to live with a known abuser per the Leadership Council . The public is outraged not by what is happening across USA to our citizens each and every day in our family courts, but to what is happening to refugees crossing over the border.

Now Homeland Security is speaking up about doing their job, stating they do not have to apologize for following the law. What if the law is not right? When there are laws to protect against abuse here in the U.S. and abuse is dismissed, how can we assume these children are not being abused, especially when they are taken from their parent(s) to begin with?

When abused children are taken from their nurturing/protective parent and forced to live with their abusers, we know their education can suffer and they may choose to cope with the abuse in various ways including drug and alcohol. Suicide rates increase as ACE scores increase for these children.

We can read that these children are put into holding areas for up to 10 days and then moved to facilities with proper beds, education, medical needs and activities. They are moved away from a parent. Nothing will replace a protective parent.

Outrage is what we should all feel for both sets of children, those from the U.S. and those from Mexico. For a country to defend themselves from what Former First Lady Laura Bush described as cruel and immoral and the president of the American Academy of Pediatrics stating this as child abuse, by declaring they are following the law tells us we need to do more. We need to ensure there is accountability, laws are enforced, laws are updated as needed and we stand together to end child abuse for all children in our world.

We need to build up protective parents and their children. We need to protect this family unit.

One way to help children from Mexico who have been taken from their parent is through RAICES .

To help children forced to live with their named abuser, you can donate to CPPA here .

Ana Estevez speaks out against child abuse being dismissed by family courts and lends her son's name to Piqui's Resolution

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 16 Jun 2018 07:20:44 GMT

Update 6.18.18: Piqui's Resolution will go straight to committee. Stay tuned for more details.

Ana Estevez is speaking up for children who cannot speak for themselves. She spoke up for her own son, but the abuse was dismissed in family court. He son, Piqui, was murdered by his father when no protection was given.

Piqui died in April of 2017. Since that time, Ana has dedicated herself to change the way family courts and our Child Protection Services (CPS) agencies respond to abuse allegations and evidence. She created a nonprofit and is now helping CA's Assemblywoman Blanca Rubio introduce a resolution named after her son, Piqui’s Resolution.

Piqui’s Resolution will be brought to the CA Assembly floor on Thursday, June 21, where Assemblywoman Rubio will ask for additional coauthors to join Assemblymembers Calderon and Lackey. This resolution, HR 113, calls for safety of the child has priority over all other considerations in any custody or visitation decision.

Our state has seen 53 deaths of a child by parent since 2008 in separation/custody situations. Many of these deaths are preventable. Abuse must be believed and children must be protected.

Ana’s hope is that more parents speak out against abuse and those who are in a position to protect children listen and respond with protection.

Note, Piqui’s Resolution, HR 113, is a CA resolution; the Federal resolution, H. Con. Res. 72 calls for states to ensure child safety is a first priority. We thank Assemblymember Rubio for bringing this legislation to CA before the passing of H. Con. Res. 72, which currently has 48 cosponsors and is being led by Rep. Pete Sessions.

Both the state and federal resolutions are needed first steps to ensure the culture of dismissing abuse in family court ends and more children are protected. Ana recommends protective parents to not be afraid to speak up, advocate for your child as you may be your child’s only hope.

Watch Ana speak with FOX11’s Good Day LA on Friday , June 15, 2018.

Read CA’s HR 113, Piqui’s Resolution, here .

Find your CA State Assemblymember here .

Piqui's Resolution to be introduced

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 14 Jun 2018 01:02:58 GMT

Piqui's Resolution, HR 113, is the first step in making child safety a priority in the CA state legislature.

Aramazd Andressian II, also known as Piqui (pronounced pee-kee), was brutally murdered by his father on April 21, 2017. Piqui's father smothered his son in the backseat of his car after a trip to Disneyland. He committed this heinous crime in retaliation for Piqui's mother, Ana Estevez, asking the courts for protection during the divorce. The abuse was dismissed and no protection was given. Although this became a national story, child death-by-parent has yet to become a priority for many law makers.

There are 636 documented cases of children being murdered by a parent here in the United States. 53 of those murders took place here in California. Parents murdering their own children is on the rise and this atrocity must stop now. Since Piqui’s death on April 21, 2017, there have been 44 children murdered by a parent in the United States.

This resolution states:

Resolved by the Assembly of the State of California, That all court-related professionals should be trauma-informed and trained in recognizing, evaluating, and understanding evidence and the impacts of domestic violence and child abuse; and be it further
Resolved, That a court reporter should record all hearings in contested custody cases and all litigants should have access to the court records; and be it further
Resolved, That when a child witnesses domestic violence, reports being injured or abused, or there is substantial evidence of child injury, family courts should ensure that the safety of the child has priority over all other considerations in any custody or visitation decision; and be it further
Resolved, That the Chief Clerk of the Assembly transmit copies of this resolution to the California Supreme Court, the Judicial Council, and to the author for appropriate distribution.

Help ensure this passes, see instructions here . UPDATE 6.18.18: Piqui's Resolution going before committee. Hold for now!

Read Piqui's Resolution HR 113 here .

Learn more about Piqui here .

See Piqui's photo album here .

Will this graduating class be the generation to finally end the silencing of abuse?

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Mon, 11 Jun 2018 22:48:03 GMT

This season of graduations comes at a time when the present #MeToo movement has been a part of the culture for nearly the full school year and high school students are not just the future, they are the present movement as we see the Marjory Stoneman Douglas class go from leading March for Our Lives in March to March for Our Lives: Road to Change that will make more than 50 stops this summer.

Graduations ranged from students to school administrators recognizing the shift in culture to speak up and embrace change for making our world a better place.

In Silicon Valley, one high school principal stated, “We have become witness to a political awakening among our students we haven't seen in 50 years.” From school walk outs across this country for gun control to having more students preregister to vote, students are becoming involved with words and actions.

The graduation at Petaluma High School made the news though when the school’s valedictorian, Lulabel Seitz, was cut off for going off script to mention sexual abuse in high schools.

The school warned her this would happen if she attempted to talk about the situation of sexual abuse that she endured and was not properly dealt with according to Ms. Seitz. It is not the fact that she was cut off that is the problem, it is that the school would not allow her to speak of sexual abuse.

Lulabel Seitz is one in five according the CDC and Kaiser ACE Study who have been sexually abused before they turn 18. This makes this matter relevant to her graduating class. Her speech focused on having dreams and having to overcome obstacles to achieve them, making an impact on each other and the world around us. Her actions of moving forward showed when she lost her mortar board and continued to speak of not letting the Northern California fires that touched her area drag them down nor the teachers going on strike for they did not get the contracts they wanted. One would think this school is open to recognizing the reality of these student’s lives.

Seitz is right, her generation is not too young to speak up and bring change. Is the older generation too old though to allow this to happen?

While her microphone was cut, her message is now surpassing those who were the intended audience. Much like her inspiration of Dr. Martin Luther King, her message is going farther for someone tried to stop her, to silence abuse.

Protective parents are not surprised by this silencing. Abuse is still silenced. Our society is still learning how to allow this conversation to move forward. Silencing the valedictorian did not work. Silencing protective parents is not working. Taking children away from protective parents may be continuing, but it is not working for anyone.

When protective parents lose custody of their children for abuse is silenced, children are hurting, the schools are left with trying to manage the crisis when it is their role to educate and the economic burden has caught up with our nation. Our children see adverse childhood experience stay with them as they move into adulthood. By ignoring, invalidating and dismissing abuse we are allowing our children to carry abuse in their bodies that change the way they can develop, learn and function.

It is time to end the silencing of abuse and work towards protecting children. It is time to stop defending abusers and silencing victims. This is the time for change.

Read the full article and see the video of the actual graduation speech and the full unedited speech here .

Self reflection and correction

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 09 Jun 2018 19:17:33 GMT

As a protective parent, you sit in the grief and pain of knowing your child is not being protected feeling your pleas for help drift past those responsible for ensuring your community is safe. You have your child stating sexual abuse by the other parent, yet you are forced to share custody. Do they hear it? Do they feel responsible? Have they stood up to do what is right?

If our children are not safe, the answer is no.

An article in the Daily Beast states , “Public servants ought to take responsibility for their actions. But they operate in a system that all too often punishes them when they do.”

At the CPPA conference this year we heard a retired Superior Court Judge state this fact. Ret. Judge DeAnn Salcido chose to leave the bench for she was unable to stand in the truth, serve justice and keep her job.

We have learned social change takes 20 years as seen in the TED Talk by Margaret Heffernan, Dare to Disagree . We see this with the ACE Study conducted 20 years ago and just in these past few years seeing more awareness around how we need to look at the crisis of adverse childhood experiences and how the effect our society today.

The #MeToo movement for ending workplace harassment started long before Anita Hill took an oath in 1991 to tell the truth about the harassment she endured by our now Supreme Court Judge Clarence Thomas. That only was a 26 year gap in bringing sexual harassment before Congress to the beginning of the end.

At the Battered Mothers Custody Conference this past May, presenters spoke of working on changing the rights for protective parents to keep custody of their children back in the 1960’s.

What will it take to bring us forward to protect children from abuse in their own homes?

Recently we have seen great awareness building from H. Con. Res. 72 , a resolution for child safety to be the first priority, growing to 45 cosponsors to new legislation for states being introduced. ABC10.com/familycourt has been exposing the reality of protective parents losing custody to abusers and those who claim to be “helping” when they dismiss abuse by using junk science to deflect from the abuse.

But is there a pull back now that more exposure is happening? In California we have a watchdog organization, the Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP), refusing to have transparency with the complaints filed to the point they sued the CA State Auditor when they asked to see the complaints after their first-ever audit was ordered. The CJP has been told their budget will be cut by $500,000 for the Legislature cannot responsibly fund the CJP if they cannot see the work they are doing, especially when constituents are reporting valid complaints are being dismissed.

The Board of Psychology recently withdrew an accusation from the AG’s office for a psychologist and even formally dismissed a valid complaint that has been in their department for three years.

‘

When the people ask for change and are met with resistance, the awareness must grow. We are not going back.

Forcing children to age out of the system to end the abuse and allowing children to be murdered is not what we stand for as a nation. But it is exactly what is happening more often than not. Abuse allegations have been shown to be false only 2 to 6% of the time, yet around 11% or less are substantiated. This needs to shift into protecting more.

Andy Stanley states experience does not make you smarter, it makes you older. Only reflective evaluation of the experience allows one to grow.

We ALL need to be reflective. We need to stand in the truth. We owe it to our children, the future of our country to protect them. We will continue to tell the stories that are hard to hear and sound unbelievable.

Organizations are made up of people. One person alone can make a difference to allow others to stand with them. It takes one to start and it take many to allow the change to happen. Be the start of the protection of children.

If you are a professional and forced to do what is wrong, we ask you to stand with us now. Please reach out to us and let us help you change the systems that dismiss abuse. Add your comments below or email us at cppa001@aol.com .

This month a mother was forced to share custody with the reported rapist of her daughter. This continues to happen. It needs to stop now.

The status of the CA judiciary and the people of CA

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Wed, 06 Jun 2018 23:59:08 GMT

The mid-term primary election in CA had one historic vote take place, that of the recall of Judge Aaron Persky, the judge who ruled for jail time to only be six months for the Stanford rapist, Brock Turner, who served only three months of that time.

The debate for this recall will be remember (as this vote is being called as passing at this point) as the first judge to be recalled in CA in 86 years. The people spoke and took action with their votes and recalled Judge Persky

Michele Dauber, a tenured Stanford law professor, stood up to launch the recall against Persky the day Brock Turner left jail. The #twentyminutes signs made a point; the intensity of one rape can last lifetime for a victim even though some would like to discount the act for the perpetrator. This hashtag was created from the quote by Dan Turner, the sex offenders father, when he wrote in a letter asking for probation, “That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.”

Critics against the recall claim Judge Persky followed the law and therefore there is no recall needed. Some stated laws were changed based on this case and that is how we improve our system without recalling judges. Even though DA Jeff Rosen helped change the law for unconscious victims of rape, he recommended six years of prison in this matter while maximum was set at 14 years.

Recall opponent LaDoris Cordell told KPIX that it was unlikely Persky could catch up. “This is a sad day for the California judiciary,” said Cordell, a former Santa Clara County judge who was active in the campaign against the recall. Some claim longer sentence will now be handed out for the fear of a recall.

But is it a sad day for the judiciary? Should there be any fear for judges?

Our state operates through three branches: executive, legislature and judiciary. Those elected and appointed are responsible to the people of California. They are there to protect us and help our state continue to prosper, although no mission statement for CA.gov can be found.

The judicial branch of government is charged with interpreting the laws of the State of California. It provides for the orderly settlement of disputes between parties in controversy, determines the guilt or innocence of those accused of violating laws, and protects the rights of individuals.

What happens when rights are not protected? What is the recourse for those who feel the law was not followed and there were ethical issues?

The law states recalls and impeachment of judges are legal and a way to remove a judge from the bench. Prior to yesterday, the last successful recall election of a judge happened in 1932. The law to recall a judge came into law in 1911 and since that time as of yesterday’s election, there have been five judges recalled.

As to how many judges have been subjected to recall actions, it is unclear. We know of five filing for recalls in Solano County, two for the same judge, all from family court. While these did not end up on the ballot, their “Five in Five” years are making a point. From the cases below, Judges Ichikawa and Riggins-Unger retired after being served recall notices. Judge Riggins-Unger is still on the bench, but has had an impeachment filed with the CA Legislature that is still in process.

· 2013 - Judge Daniel Healey, who was subsequently publicly admonished by the Commission on Judicial Performance and moved out of family court

· 2014 - Judge Cynda Riggins-Unger, retired post recall filing

· 2017 - Judge Christine Carringer, who still serves on the family court bench

· 2017 - Judge Garry Ichikawa, retired post recall filing

· 2018 - Judge Cynda Riggins-Unger, retired post recall filing

A judge up for reelection rarely will have any lawyer run against them. In a recall, others can run for the chance the recall will pass and they can fill the void. It appears the Assistant DA in Santa Clara County, Cindy Hendrickson, will replace Judge Persky, even though she opposed the recall.

This election also saw another judge up for re-election, Judge Vincent Chiarello. His name normally would not have been added to the ballot for there was no opposition. His name was added to the ballot after enough valid signatures were collected to put him on the ballot. Since there was no valid opponent for the write-in against Judge Chiarello, he should have six more years on the bench.

Judge Chiarello was on the ballot in Santa Clara County this election due to the efforts of family court reform advocates for Judge Chiarello dismissed abuse and ordered a young girl into the custody of her abusive father. The father then drugged, raped (multiple separate rapes) photographed, videoed, murdered, and buried her only to claim she ran away. Alycia Mesiti Allen will be remembered.

Judges continue to dismiss abuse in CA. Judge Chiarello’s decision led to the death of a young and bright girl. Judge Cynda Riggins-Unger also ordered a young girl into the hands of her abusive father who in his care saw his daughter die at five years old from what appeared to malnourished and emaciated. He then took his daughter and put her dead body in storage container. Cali Anderson will be remembered.

Judge Ichikawa refused to give a restraining order to Felisha Jackson even though the judge was aware of prior domestic violence. She was then killed by the father of their children, Everett Highbaugh, as he shot her to death in front of their children. Felisha Jackson will be remembered.

As noted on the CPPA site, children are being ordered into the custody and care of their named abusers. On study shows in CA there is an 85% chance of losing custody to the abuser if abuse is brought up in litigation. We are at a precipice of time with the #MeToo movement that is acknowledging abuse more and more from the work place and in sports. Abuse in the home is substantiate around 10% or less in most cases and counties. Lawyers are advising litigants not to bring up the abuse for they most likely will lose custody. The silencing of abuse continues in family court.

Although most concerns against judges do not rise to the level of recalls or impeachments, it could be seen by some as the only means to bring justice back into the California courts and protect our children.

Judges who are unethical or do not follow the law may be reported to the Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP). This watch dog organization has been in existence since 1960. Complaints can be filed with the CJP which has approximately 24 staff positions with a yearly budget close to $5 million. But the problem here is valid complaints are being dismissed.

Family court reform advocates brought the problems of the CJP’s complaint dismissals before the Legislature in 2016. An audit for the people was ordered in August 2016, only to see the CJP sue the CA State Auditor to ensure the auditor would not see the complaints that come in for review. This is the first audit the CJP has ever been ordered to undergo. The audit is now in appeal as the lower court ruled in favor of the CJP.

When the CJP only publicly disciplined just 56 judges out of more than 11,455 complaints received over the past 10 years, or approximately 0.48%, one can begin to understand why recalls are happening. The CA courts are virtually going unregulated, there is no accountability for judges and the people are demand ethical and lawful judges.

Advocates have gone to the Legislature to ask for the CJP to be defunded. This past month the Assembly and the Senate both voted to cut the CJP’s budget by $500,000 for the CJP is not making any moves to release the complaints to the auditor. The Assembly Budget Sub Committee 5 directly asked the CJP to find a way to help them responsibly fund the CJP. While the CJP continues to not turn over the complaints to the auditor, there should be concern over the status of our courts.

We are at the point of not only recalls, but the Legislature stepping in to help govern the judicial branch for it is not clear if the courts are operating as they should. From the vote to cut the CJP’s budget and a request for the Judicial Council to look into the problems of family court, the Legislature is attempting to bring in balance.

The people have the right to recall. They have a right for complaints to be processed in an ethical manner and deserve to have judges who are accountable.

The bottom line is women and children have the right to be safe from abuse and rape. The rape culture must end now. Our courts must do more now to protect victims.

Read the Emily Doe's victim statement from the Brock Turner sexual assault here .

Read more about the Judge Persky recall here and here .

Read more about the death of Alycia Mesiti Allen here .

Read more about the death of Cali Anderson here .

Read more about the death of Felisha Jackson here .

Sound Off on family court issues

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Fri, 01 Jun 2018 16:51:07 GMT

This week Jaime Umphenour, host of KPRL's Sound Off, interviewed author and One Mom’s Battle’s Founder Tina Swithin and Center for Judicial Excellence’s Executive Director Kathleen Russell regarding the family court crisis.

The interview is worth the listen. Start at the 34 minute mark and take the 50 minutes to hear a complete overview of the issue to what protective parents endure to how advocates are coming in to change the system.

This is the next stop for the #MeToo movement. Protective parents have been trying for years to get help protecting their children. The abuse claims and allegations are dismissed and children are being forced to live with their abusers.

Hear how H. Con. Res is progressing and how to help get your U.S. House Representative to become a cosponsor to this important piece of legislation. See more details here for signing up your representative.

Listen here , starting at 34 minutes.

This is bigger than myself

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 31 May 2018 20:00:41 GMT

Whether you are learning you have a voice, how to use your voice or finding your voice, the time to speak and be heard is now. Ally Reisman, Olympic Gold Medalist, is using her voice to bring awareness to the problem of sexual abuse being dismissed. If you are an abuse survivor, you will find the right time to speak your truth and to whom. The difference is now you are more likely to be heard and believed for the others who have come before you and spoke up are allowing for what was considered shameful to know be something that is acceptable to talk about and share.

Reisman states this problem is bigger than herself and that is just the tip of the iceberg. The ACE Study shows 1 in 5 children are sexually abused by the time they turn 18. Most states only substantiate abuse around 10% of the time or less, while it has been shown in a one study that abuse allegations are true more than 94% of the time.

The article here in Vanity Fair gives hope to many who have been abused. It gives understanding of how it happened. And it gives each of us a story to ask ourselves how we would have reacted or responded to these girls speaking their truths of their abuse by Larry Nassar.

If you hear a child speak of abuse, know they may not have the words to define what has happened to them and they may only tell once. Raising your concerns matters. It can change a life and protect more children in the future. Nassar did not have one victim or 100, he had more than we may ever know.

Read the full Vanity Fair article here .

When the truth does not set you free

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sat, 26 May 2018 21:08:39 GMT

When the NYT’s article, "When Living Your Truth Can Mean Losing Your Children," by Sharon Otterman on May 25, 2018 was published, it caught the eye of many protective parents.

The article highlights a clause in a custody order of maintaining the Jewish practices, traditions and religion for the children when full custody was given to the mother. This clause did not resonate with the mother for she was fully practicing her Jewish faith at the time. When she became to change her views on who she was as a person, a time she was learning to live her own truth, she came under fire for not having the children practice their religion as ordered.

After losing custody to the father over this issue and winning custody back in appeal due to the freedom of religion in America, one can ask, what if religion was not part of the this case, how would “best interest of the child” be viewed?

If you are coming to our page, you already know if a protective parent reports abuse of their child be the other parent, with the majority of the cases the mother being the protective parent, you have a very high risk of losing part to full custody to the abuser. The 58,000 per year forced to live with their abusers needs to end and now as this is never in the best interest of the child.

Many lawyers are now telling clients to not report abuse for they odds of losing custody go way up. If you fail to report abuse though, you can be found guilty of failure to protect and lose custody. The child loses in each of the scenerios.

The ACE Study shows the trauma and harm done to a child in these abuse situations. The money funding the father’s rights programs tend to focus on the father being in the child’s life rather than the safety of the child as well as ignores the abuse that is happening. The DV work in the past two decades has allowed women to leave their abuser, but children are still being used to control women and in a majority of cases with alleged abuse, the father is winning custody, even when abuse has been credited per the studies of Joan Meier of George Washington University.

Once a woman leaves an abusive partner with her children, as studies show she most likely with live with less money than the father as a single mother. The studies that state child do better in two parent homes with more money does not justify spending the money to keep any family together. The reason many people leave marriages includes abuse. Staying with an abuser with more money does not solve a problem and funding to keep abusers and victims together for the children does not solve the problems for the family.

We are at the precipice of change. Protective parents should be allowed to live with their truth of the abuse to their children. It has never been in the best interest to live with an abuser. To continue to pretend this is OK or it does not happen needs to end. We support healthy families and know no family is perfect. There is a line that is drawn with abuse and that line must be followed by the court.

The court orders today can be very constricting for good parenting. From being judge by having good boundaries for yourself and your children, courts are controlling how a person parents. Parenting choices that are healthy and sound can be construed to look as if the parent is not putting the children best interest first. The family court is failing the family from dismissing abuse claims and failing by overreaching their roles for custody. This one story in this article shows the overreach of religious rights. While taking children from both parents seems to overreach as well, taking a child from the true abusive parent needs to happen.

The right to be safe belongs to children. It is time for the courts to protect children.

Read the full NYT article here .

Candlelight Vigil for Cali Anderson

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Fri, 25 May 2018 14:21:06 GMT

When Cali Anderson's five-year-old body was found dead in a storage locker in Sacramento, family court reform advocates gathered with the mother who had lost custody to the man who stored his daughter in a locker after her death. The father and step-mother to Cali where arrested while the mother is just processing this shocking death of her daughter. There will be a car wash on Saturday, May 26, 2018 at 1317 East Monte Vista Ave. in Vacaville to help pay for her funeral.

Read and hear more here .

Is your psychologist or LMFT licensed to work?

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Tue, 17 Apr 2018 20:24:22 GMT

Have you checked to see if your psychologist is licensed by the Board of Psychology or Board of Behavioral Sciences to work? There have been court professionals who have worked without a license. Some renewals may be put on hold for either all of the paperwork has not been submitted or other details. It is important regardless of the reason to be aware of the status of your professional.

Rebecca Bailey, #18732, is currently licensed to practice at this time after a short gap in her license.

If a psychologist is under review, even if there is an accusation against the professional, they may be able to continue practice and also serve as an expert reviewer for the Board of Psychology.

Confirm the status of your licensed psychologist or LMFT here .

Post was updated on 4.19.18

The silence of abuse lived and shared

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 17:22:17 GMT

This brilliant reflection of wearing a mask to hide abuse is a story that many must be able to relate to and feel not only pain for the author, but for themselves. Junit Díaz’s story, The Silence: The Legacy of Childhood Trauma, is an understanding of the cost of having to wear a mask for something he never caused. Silence was considered golden for abuse victims and it is what can cause the most pain and destruction for a person. Nobody spoke of it, and it you did, most likely it was dismissed and the silence requirement was confirmed.

Our society often labels those abused as less than, unable to have healthy relationships and unworthy of being whole. Yet this is how many people feel when society does not allow someone to be real about their abuse. To have to put on a mask and hide abuse to be accepted is how we as a society re-abuse. We allow 1-in-3 girls and 1-in-6 boys who are sexually abused by the time they turn 18 to grow up to think they have to hide their abuse to be accepted, to be loved, to be considered whole. We allow them to think the shame is theirs to hold. And by doing so we allow abuse to hide in the dark, stay a secret and grow like a mold ready to devour all it can. We allow abuse to continue by keeping this silent and not speaking about it.

In October of 2017, this darkness began to be exposed like never before with the #MeToo Movement. We are now shining more light on abuse. Shining this light does not mean we are putting abusers down. We are saying there is a boundary and it has been crossed. It is holding people accountable and asking them to stop and rise rather than continue their decent down with continued abuse onto others and ultimately to themselves. We are now ready to end the family cycle of abuse. We are ready to have those abused heal now. The more light we shine onto this problem, the healthier we will all be.

We thank Junot Díaz for his bravery to share this personal journey to be healthy, to finally removing his mask and for The New Yorker for publishing this. We know many people are walking through life this same way. Their façade is exhausting them and their truth is not going away no matter how hard they try. This story is an open door for all to express their abuse to move through it and heal. It is not who you are, it is what happened to you.

It was wrong for someone to abuse all of these children. The numbers are staggering, but there is hope. We are listening. You are whole and worthy of all the love the world has to offer and then some!

Read Junot Díaz’s story in The New Yorker here .

Watch The Mask You Live In here to hear and see more of how a mask was never the solution.

Paterno's legacy

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Sun, 15 Apr 2018 18:52:50 GMT

This month HBO released their film, Paterno , based on Joe Paterno, AKA JoePa, the most winning coach in all of NCAA Division I college football with 409 wins as a coach and second most wins in any division. And that is not his legacy.

Forty-six years as the head coach at Penn State University, a man who made a small college more than it ever had been, even academically, Joe Paterno will forever be known as the man who knew about the child sexual abuse by Jerry Sandusky.

Did he do enough? Did he know earlier? Could he has stopped it from continuing with other children? Could he have led as an example for what you do when you hear about a child being abused?

It you are a protective parent, you would say no, he did not do enough.

That is because protective parents who have asked for help know how abuse is dismissed over and over again. They know the abuse of their child is like a hot potato that nobody will take ownership of to help the child from the abuse. They know too many like those at Penn State who basically just gave Sandusky a slap on the wrist and told him not to do it again. They gambled it would only happen once, it would be the last time and dismissed that the one time meant anything at all.

The one sexual abuse does matter. And all of the other times matter as well.

Paterno was known for being there for the young students, guiding them in their lives and helping them to be better people. But he was not there for the abused. According to multiple reports, Paterno knew of this abuse as far back as the 1970’s.

This film covers two weeks of Paterno's life. From the 409th win, his last game, through the indictment of Jerry Sandusky, his retirement, being fired, to his cancer diagnosis, Paterno went from being on top of his world (and College Station's) to the bottom. Paterno died two and a half months post diagnosis.

Per the article by the York Daily Record, HBO wanted to do a trilogy about men who are thought of as good men, had success in their careers and then did something wrong, something terribly wrong. The first two films told the stories of Phil Spector and Bernie Madoff. Murder, financial fraud and child sexual abuse are the crimes. The director, Barry Levinson, states the Paterno was not made to be a documentary, and there was no judgement intended.

This story is a lesson for us all. Even those who try to do good struggle with child sexual abuse. Blind eyes, dismissals and ignorance have led to a culture of not protecting children from being abused as well as putting those who stand up against the abuse down. That time is over.

Joe Paterno has a legacy of teaching us all we need to do more. Each of us has a responsibility to protect children when we hear of sexual abuse. Report to the police. Demand action. Ensure the child is removed from the abuser. Please do not wait the weekend. It is more than OK to report suspected child sexual abuse. It is right and just. And it could save a life.

Read the York Daily Record article here and read and see more on HBO here . This film is worth watching.

What Doesn't Kill Me plays in San Rafael

sross@caprotectiveparents.org (California Protective Parents Association) — Thu, 12 Apr 2018 18:45:30 GMT

Rachel Meyrick's documentary of the domestic violence and child custody with abusers, "What Doesn't Kill Me," at Dominican University of California last night was the first showing in Marin County. This film walked the audience through the realization of how our family courts systems work and why reporting abuse increases the risk of losing custody to an abuser.

During the panel discussion that followed, questions arose of how can this be true to what can we do to protect children now. They were “flabbergasted” at the reality of how abuse situations are handled. There was a professor from Dominican who asked what should she teach to future educators. Her question asked more how to prepare them for their own lives, versus how to handle abuse situations as an educator. The shock of seeing abuse victims be re-victimized versus removing the victims from the abuser and helping them heal was overwhelming to most and opposite of what logic and research tells us. It is hard to imagine a new generation of new families walking into this situation, let alone the ones who are dealing with this now. No couple can imagine walking into abusive relationships, but unhealed trauma effects many families and family cycles of abuse continues.

Kathleen Russell, Executive Director for the Center for Judicial Excellence who hosted this event with other cosponsors, lead the discussion of all the work that is making a difference in this area of the family court crisis. From the federal resolution, H. Con. Res. 72 to California's AB 2044, there is legislation to help move this in the right direction. It is a culture shift more than anything else. The more the film is shown, the more people speak out about abuse and the more accountability there is with the agencies who oversee our professionals, the closer we get to protecting children.

One protective parent on the panel discussed being in the family court for 16 years while another has lost custody of her daughter regardless of the evidence of abuse and the self-harm her daughter is doing as a reaction to her trauma. Their advice was to stay strong, find support, speak up and never give up hope.

This event was sponsored by Dominican University's Democracy & Equity Initiative, Center for Judicial Excellence, California Protective Parents Association, Center for Domestic Peace, Family Violence Appellate Project, SOAR for Justice and others and moderated by Dr. LeeAnn Bartolini from the Dominican University Psychology Dept.