My name is Roberta Allen, and I am Alycia’s mother. This statement I have struggled with as there is no easy or short response to ‘How has his actions affected me and my family?’. I have been plagued by Mark for 30years and there hasn’t been a year in that time I have ever breathed easy. To this very morning I wake either angry or in tears because of all the hate and harm Mark has affected throughout decades. And he could have been stopped long before Alycia’s death, the other two children were victimized, before my children’s lives were derailed to the point of serious chaos and hurt, and became so devastating I would lose all sense of what and who was real, true and trustworthy. But Mark is very good at preying upon weaknesses and sensing just which button, in another, he had to manipulate – not push outright as that would spoil the fun of the game for him, to elicit the machinations necessary to win support and even assistance in committing the most heinous of crimes. But it is a confounding riddle to me how so many could fight so hard to afford him his ‘Rights’, and opportunity for what I feared would and has happened, while he so consistently and conspicuously endeavored to take the very same from us.
Mark created a way of living that has had me on high alert whether present or absent. I still struggle with many fears though you’d think I could finally relax. But I have become a truly damaged human being with all the years of abuse, which never stopped, and even got more insidious when the door was firmly closed. That I am here, over 11 years after Alycia’s passing, to try and describe what his actions have done to me and mine, is still part of that abuse. If I could simply relay the constant turmoil and angst I breathe along with the air, while trying to move normally and feel thankful for the chance at another day, I would. With so much to react towards, in my head, in my heart, in this room, I don’t think it could ever be accurately conveyed.
To have my children ripped from me and then made to watch, like a strangling spectator from the sidelines, as they were forced to endure such trauma and terror of which no one should be made subject, to be denied any recourse in order to stop the pain, allowed no ability to provide any protection to thwart his intentions, no doubt was just the icing on the cake for Mark. I told the Police, and to any I could grab an ear, since 2006, Mark was responsible for Alycia’s disappearance. I was made to suffer years before anyone even looked for her. That in itself is crazy making. I was ignored when calling attention forth throughout my raising of the children, and when they went missing I was dismissed and demeaned by those that were supposed to be standing up for their survival. After what has been my entire adult life to date, I have been left ground into a form of nothingness that has me struggling daily to look past and reform, because of the actions Mark took for his own despicably perverse gratifications. My nerves are shot and I deal with severe anxiety, depression, often damned with agoraphobia, insomnia, panic attacks, and so many triggers that have me frequently hiding and unbalanced. I can’t work or plan time with others because when the anxiety becomes too constant and /or when I face even a few bad triggers in a week, I become so physically ill I can’t leave my bed for days. As a direct result of all that Mark has put me and mine through, I have been diagnosed with disorders by which I will most likely be haunted, afflicted, and disabled for the rest of my life.
This statement started out being eight pages long, but there is only so much time and energy I wish Mark to enjoy from this. I wanted to give by example how he has ritualistically, sadistically, narcissistically, and greedily gobbled up any and all of the possibilities and potential positives the kids and I could have reached, Before he was given custody, but actually trying to read the first draft was just too devastating for me to articulate. Mark took from me, literally, everything but my heart, and it is overstressed and strained constantly by Pain. I appreciate this chance to even speak a few words, but they now seem moot. The damage has been done, and he will be reliving his actions for a very long time no doubt fondly, as he was Allowed to do all he has because of his winning the ultimate of chess games. But anyone who hides secrets, such as they were and he had, can only be deemed a vicious sociopath and a coward. To anyone who would spare him a thought or future civility, only folly will follow. This is a man that is incapable of being rehabilitated and should be with the same constraints as Alycia, while alive and now. He has proven he holds no humanity or respect for even the most vulnerable of us all, even while they were in the most vulnerable of states, and though it would be his pleasure to show you how smart he feels himself to be, should you pay him any mind, you’ve already lost whatever game he has devised for you.