Death by ACEs: When Will We Learn?

California Protective Parents Association is honored to be a host organization to a 4-part panel series for Allen v Farrow from the amazing partners Jane Do Films, RAINN, Center for Judicial Excellence, and The National Family Violence Law Center at GW. Starting on September 23, 2021 and every Thursday for 4 weeks, a special panel has/will be discussing the themes of each episode of the award nominated Allen v Farrow on HBO by Jane Do Films. This is an opportunity to use this powerful documentary as a launching pad and tool to discuss the family court crisis, learn how we can move to name abuse to protect children and ensure the child safety is the first priority. You can watch the episode on HBO to follow along, but the panels series is an amazing stand alone. Note, you can also listen to the Allen v Farrow podcasts . Sept 23 (Episode 1): Grooming + Child Protection Moderator: Viola Vaughan-Eden, PhD, MJ, LSW (She/Her), Clinical & Forensic Social Worker Panelists: Lundy Bancroft (He/Him), Author, Expert on Domestic Violence Camille Cooper (She/Her), Vice President of Public Policy, RAINN Amy Herdy (She/Her), Co-Creator + Producer, Allen v. Farrow Joyanna Silberg, Ph.D. (She/Her), Child Psychologist Sept 30 (Episode 2): The Protective Parent’s Dilemma Moderator: Kathleen Russell, Executive Director, Center for Judicial Excellence PANELISTS: Kathy Sherlock, Mother, Advocate, Kayden's Korner Adrian Ionescu, Father, Advocate Darrel Riley, Father, Advocate Priscilla Gilman, Mother, Author, Farrow Family Friend Oct 7 (Episode 3): Parental Alienation Syndrome & Family Courts Moderator: Joan Meier, Founder and Director, National Family Violence Law Center PANELISTS: Maralee McLean, Author, Speaker, Child Advocate, Domestic Violence Expert Richard Ducote, Domestic Violence and Family Court Litigator, Law Reformer Annie Kenny, Mother, Advocate Safety Advocate Suzanne Chester, Managing Attorney, The Child's Advocate Legal Aid of North Carolina Oct 21 (Episode 4): Long Term Effects of Abuse on Survivors Moderator Jamie Rogers, Producer, Allen v. Farrow PANELISTS: Dylan Farrow, Author, Advocate Lori Pitts, Founder, Healing Coach & Energy/Spiritual Healer, Still Whole Wellness Danielle Pollack, Policy Manager, National Family Violence Law Center Oct 13 Allen v Farrow Episode 3 Panel with Museum of Tolerance and Breakthrough LA Note: this is a stand alone panel from the 4-part series above Moderator Liebe Geft, Museum of Tolerance Director PANELISTS Mikaela Shwer, Allen v. Farrow editor Thomas D. Lyon, Judge Edward J. and Ruey L. Guirado Chair in Law and Psychology at the University of Southern California and Director of USC Child Interviewing Lab Harriet Kerr, Director, Stuart House at Stuart House/Rape Treatment Cente Jeff Todahl, University of Oregon, Associate Professor Couples and Family Therapy Program Director, Couples and Family Therapy, Family and Human Services, Prevention Science Panels will stream live on the Jane Do Films Facebook page and repeat on their Facebook page and YouTube page after the live stream.

Fathers, they are so important to a child. They can be so much, make such a difference in a child’s life and lay a foundation for their child to grow up in a healthy, loving and supportive environment and home to thrive as a person. And they can be destructive. At the California Protective Parents Association, we acknowledge there are many amazing fathers in our world and there are even protective fathers! Sadly, most parents who do abuse though are fathers. We all want to wish all fathers are loving, kind, caring, supportive and safe. Wishing this does not change the fact that there are some fathers who are abusive and toxic to their own children. Hoping they change is not enough, nor is one anger management class. We believe that cycles of abuse must end. While we know being abused as a child does not make a person an abuser, we know most abusive parents were abused themselves. To end the cycle of abuse in families, we must name it, acknowledge it, actively protect others from a harmful parent and hold those abusive accountable. We believe a person who truly changes and acknowledges their abuse to their children and spouse can one day have a healthy relationship with their children; that may not happen until their children are adults or it may never happen. Our systems though force a relationship with abusive fathers and their children for they believe children do better when they have a father in their lives and/or the patriarchy demands fathers have control. Yes, two healthy parents are wonderful for any child! But all the studies that state all the facts as to why a father is important in a child’s life, and thus our system that forces children to be with abusive parents, is that these studies do not show the results to a child with being with an abusive father. They do not consider what abuse does to a child. Forcing a child to be with an abusive father is hurting our country and it is hurting all of those children. Abusive fathers who fight so hard in family court for custody are about wanting to continue to control and dominate, not love and care for their family. Our courts need to recognize that a father wanting custody does not automatically mean they want to care for their children. This Father’s Day we are grateful for all the men who stand up for their children, but we must see that abuse has no place in a family. If you are a protective father, thank you for being a safe father. If you are an abusive father, we ask you to take care of yourself first before you try to care for another. We ask you to truly look at your behavior and ask yourself honest questions. We know most abusive people cannot see their own abuse. We know most have to hit rock bottom sometimes to want to get help. And we know many of you do not get to that bottom point to turn your lives around for you are being enabled to continue your abuse and our systems do not give you boundaries; they are almost begging you to be in our child’s life, even if you are abusive. If you are an abusive father, please think of yourself as a child. Think about what you would want for yourself from a parent. Don’t think about what you had and think it was good enough, think about what you know now as an adult, what you know about healthy and unhealthy relationships in our world and truly see yourself with a loving parent. Please hold that feeling for yourself. You deserved to be treated with respect, love, compassion, empathy and boundaries. You deserve that now. Love, compassion, empathy and boundaries come with the truth. If you were abused yourself, we are sorry for your pain and suffering. If you are abusive, please find help. You can start on our page here . If you are a child who is currently being abused or were abused as a child, know it is not your fault. You did not deserve to be mistreated. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, boundaries and with compassion. These are loving acts. The word love for you may be confusing for so many people may tell you how much your parent loves you, even when they know your parent has been abusive, or your abuser may tell you they love you. Abuse is never love. Incest is never love. Children of abuse, know that we hear you. We see the signs of abuse and are doing all we can to make sure you can grow up without abuse, without fear of a parent and you can be with your safe, protective parent. We are still growing as a nation and species. We are learning more about what you need and it is hard for some people to acknowledge your safety is more important than being with an abusive parent. We will get there though. We want to break the cycle of abuse in families and know you can be that cycle breaker! You matter, your voice matters and you are so worthy of love and safety! Know that on Father’s Day it is OK to not feel good, to be sad, or even mad. Just remember an abusive parent's brokenness does not make you broken. You may be injured from all the abuse and trauma, but that is not who you are, it is just what happened to you. You were made for love and you are worthy of love!

The plane was scheduled to leave Oakland Airport at 5:30 pm on Wednesday, February 17, 2021. Jane was anxious about boarding the plane with her father. She told multiple people, including her mother, a nurse, the police, and staff at the hospital, she would kill herself if she had to return to Phoenix with him. She escaped momentarily from her father into the restroom and asked a stranger to borrow their phone as one last hope before her flight departed for Phoenix. Why couldn’t the professionals understand her or help her? Jane's story is more common than most believe. She is a girl who reported her father sexually abused her. At times it was even hard for her to understand this. Children at four years old do not have words to express a molest or rape. They are taking in the entire world around them as their vocabulary increases every day, yet the words to express a sexual abuse are not there for them. Children take in how others are treated and how they are treated. But they may not know the difference between a safe touch and a molest at four. They may feel strange about it. They may have been groomed years before the first molest. But we do know they may feel uncomfortable and even know it is wrong. At three years old when her parents divorced, and at seven she stopped seeing her father. Jane still did not fully understand the abuse she endured when he left. Her life changed though. Her father moved away without a forwarding phone number, email or address. He remarried. Her mother remarried and soon she would have three more siblings by the time she was a teenager. Where did her father go? Why did he never send her and his sons cards or presents on their birthdays. Why didn’t he call? Jane went through some tough years. She had not processed her abuse fully. Even though she started disclosing while she was younger and her mother reported these disclosures to CPS, the allegations were unfounded, partly because as a little girl she was unable to explain it to CPS. But what if she did tell enough when she was younger? Did professionals know how to understand abuse then? This is a reasonable question for she has told professionals this month, years into the #METoo movement, and still she was not given protection from her father. The abuse was denied and she was forced, court ordered, to move back with him to Phoenix. Here is what you should understand, Jane was confused and in trauma for years. As we know from the ACE Study (Adverse Childhood Experiences), children who are abused are more likely to be anxious, depressed, self harm, struggle to stay in school, have a high rate of teen age pregnancy and suicide. Jane had a typical response to going through abuse and then it being dismissed by those who are responsible for protecting abused children. She was hospitalized multiple times during the time her father was out of her life. She was also searching for more answers from her life with her father. Last summer when most were trying to cope with the pandemic, Jane reached out on social media to her stepmother. She started telling her stepmother and father about her trauma. Her memory of her father’s abuse to her had been repressed. She needed answers and was searching for more. After hearing of her hospitalizations, her father filed for custody in 2020, something he walked away from in his 2010 divorce. Jane said to the court she wanted to live with her father. The court granted the 13 year old's request. In California, the judge should consider the wishes of a child if they are of sufficient age and capacity to reason so as to form an intelligent preference as to custody or visitation (Family Code 3042). The court granted the father custody and Jane went to live with him in October 2020 at his home in Phoenix, with a trip back to see her mother, stepfather and siblings in December 2020. When Jane arrived home this past December, she told her mother she remembered more of the abuse by her father, she said she did not want to go back with him and she refused to go back on the three separate flights scheduled after the visit to her home with her mother was ordered to end. This story started with telling you Jane told hospital staff and a nurse she would kill herself. She had already told her mother she would kill herself or run away if she had to go back with her father. The pressure was mounting as her father insisted the court order be followed and she return back to her home with him. She overdosed on over the counter medication at the end of January and was on a 5150 hold. Once again, she told multiple people she was sexually abused by her father and still nobody stepped in to protect her. While on the 5150 hold, her father went back to court to ensure Jane would need to leave the hospital with him. The February 2 order stated as such; Jane must leave with her father to Phoenix even though she told the court on January 6, 2021 that her father molested her. Communication with both parents was to remain unless the doctor ordered no communication. The mother reached out to a nonprofit organization on February 6, 2021 for help based on the advice from a potential lawyer as her daughter was scheduled to be released from the hospital to the father on February 7. Was the advice to understand how normal this situation is, that abuse is dismissed and if a protective mother in California raises this, she could have up to an 85% of losing custody to the abusive parent, even one who has raped their child? While Jane’s mother learned of the rights of 12 year old's in CA, she was able to tell her daughter about these, the right to call an abuse shelter and also ask for restraining order. Jane did call a local shelter from her hospital bed and they said she should call the police because they do not deal with children issues. Jane told the police and hospital staff four times she would kill herself if she had to leave with her father as they tried to discharge her into his care on the 7th. The police told the father to leave and Jane would, at least for a short period of time, remain at the hospital. Normally when a child refuses to go with an abusive parent, the abusive parent uses a DARVO strategy, that is they defend, attack and reverse victim and offender. Jane’s father denied the abuse and blamed the mother of making Jane say she was abused. If the child refuses to go with their abusive parent, we know in many cases a reunification process is used, be it in a camp situation, a weekly therapy session or even as we see in Jane’s case, a hospital situation. Jane was told she could not speak with her mother any longer. Even Jane’s grandmother was barred from speaking with her. It is unclear if the doctor ordered this or the father insisted the mother’s and daughter's communication end. She was also told to leave the hospital she would need to have four positive calls with her father. This was a difficult week for Jane. Who would listen to her? Why were they forcing her to have a relationship with the man who abused her? The child advocate called the hospital on February 11 to ask about the lack of communication with the mother, only to get a message that said they would call back within a week. A week would be too late. When Jane told multiple nurses at the hospital that her father molested her, one nurse replied, “give your dad another chance, people change” while the others seem to dismiss it as well. Was there a CPS report made as mandated? The mother filed for an emergency custody order after Jane had told the police and staff that she would kill herself if she had to be with her father. It was denied. After four “successful” reunification phone calls with her father, Jane was released to his care and off to the airport. Jane was panicking and desperate to get to a safe space. She wanted to go home with her mother. While at the airport on the 17th of February, she said she needed to use the restroom. Once outside of her father’s supervision, she asked a stranger if she could use her phone to call her mom. The stranger agreed and Jane called her mother, told her she was at the airport and asked what to do next. Her mother told her to call the police. The stranger said she needed to go and left Jane wondering what would happen next. The mother called the police at the Oakland Airport. They went to speak with Jane and it was determined that she was fine. At the same time, the child advocate received the call back from the hospital. It had nearly been a week since the message was left. The hospital staff member listened and said she should have the advocate speak with the supervisor. The supervisor did not call back, but the advocate checked in with the mother to see what transpired during the week. After hearing that Jane was at the airport, ready to take off in 40 minutes, the advocate called the airport to speak with the police. Immediately they said they had already spoken with this family. They had dealt with trafficking issues in the past and were ready to take her to child protective services if needed. The office said Jane did not disclose any information that would allow them to take her. The advocate asked why then did she call her mother in desperation from the bathroom. In a culture that dismisses abuse, we must all learn new steps, have Institutional Courage to name abuse and look beyond the fear-filled statements of a 13 year old that has been forced to leave with her father despite her best efforts to stay safe. The office said a new team was just coming on duty and he agreed to send them to speak with her again. This time Jane told the officers she did not want to be with him, but agreed he could take her to the hospital. Another near save, yet did he take her? The mother received a call from a patient at the hospital whom Jane had befriended. The note stated to call her mother and tell her she was now leaving with the father once again to the airport. Jane is back in Phoenix. She was silenced. She was dismissed. She was not understood. She is fearful. There are concerns she will hurt herself. [2.22.21 UPDATE: Jane is currently in a mental health facility in AZ. She is still fearful and concerned she is not being heard and will be sent back to her father's as they are not allowing her to talk with her mother. ] Reports to CPS were not helpful. The hospital did not report to CPS as far as it is known. The police gave a bit of hope to Jane on the 17th when they intervened a second time, but once again she was back at the airport. The court listened to a 13 year old when she wanted to live with her father. There was to be another hearing to see if this was indeed what she wanted. Once she said no to living with her father and requesting to live with her mother, the request was denied. Why did the court not listen to her wishes this time as they did when she asked to live with her father? This time she reported she was sexually abused by her father. Abuse dismissed. How many times did you read in this story of a missed opportunity to save Jane? We ask those in Phoenix to step forward to protect Jane. To be noted, Jane is not her real name. Jane is willing to speak to the press, but we know, like many others living in abuse, she does not have a way to have outside communication since she is now homeschooling in Phoenix. This is Jane’s story. This is a common story. It is time there is Institutional Courage and Jane is heard and protected. To those who are responsible for children’s safety, will you do what is right and just now? Will you allow Jane to have her rights to be safe? Note: this story has been corrected to reflect her parents divorced when she was three and at seven she stopped seeing her father when he moved away.

Family Court Awareness Month (FCAM) was conceptualized in 2020 by Tina Swithin, founder and CEO of One Mom’s Battle. Tina’s mission is to shine a spotlight on the failures of the family court system while honoring the nearly 800 children who have been murdered by separating or divorcing parents since 2008. Tina realizes it takes a village to bring the needed change. She is literally on the road to meet many of the villages of those abused by the family courts who are now voices for change across America while spreading awareness of the family court crisis. The family court crisis is ongoing abuse after leaving domestic violence. Abuse is silenced, thus more abuse ensues. It is fitting that this awareness for November follows October’s Domestic Violence Awareness month. To date, the Center for Judicial Excellence has reported 762 children have been murdered by a parent in custody/separation/divorce situations since 2008. We also know based on the work of the Leadership Council that 1,170,000 children have been court ordered to live with their named abuser since 2000. That means 500,000 TODAY are living with their named abusive parent, are at risk of being murdered and their adverse childhood experiences continue to grow. Starting in Los Angeles, California on November 1, 2020, Tina launched this awareness month with an amazing press conference with advocates and legislators. Watch this impactful press conference with powerful speakers her e . California Protective Parent Association’s (CPPA) board member, Sandy Ross, read a note of support from Congresswoman Judy Chu who was a cosponsor to H. Con. Res. 72. California’s AB 113 Piqui’s Resolution, which brought much of the same language to California as the federal resolution to have child safety as a first priority in custody adjudications, author was present, Assemblywoman Blanca Rubio, who spoke in support of bringing this awareness to protect children. Her sister, Senator Susan Rubio, a DV survivor, also spoke in support and shared her bill, SB 1141 that added coercive control to family court laws. Two mothers who have had the horrific experience of having their child murdered by the child’s father spoke of the dismissal of abuse by the family courts and the lack of protection for their children. Ana Estevez is Piqui’s mother, she started Piqui’s Justice and is a board member for CPPA. Jacqueline Franchetti is the founder of the Kyra Franchetti Foundation, named after her daughter, and is based in New York. She is currently working on adding legislation in NY for child safety. Both Ana and Jacqueline traveled to Washington D.C. to help pass H. Con. Res. 72. Sandy and Tina were able to speak to this abuse as well for many protectives parents have had to share custody with dangerous abusers. While many of these children live, we are learning resilience only comes when they are in a safe home. Adverse childhood experiences are preventable and our courts must do better. Tina is calling for all to join this movement this month. She has created a new site with press releases for all local advocacy groups to share with their own legislators and local news. The more stories of the dismissal of abuse to protective parents, the louder we become. Download the graphic and use them on social media. Add the hand graphic to your photo for this month. Share this awareness with your community: social works, courts, press, legislators and those in need of change. Join forces and volunteer to be a leader and change maker. There is no need to live near or in these cities to join! This is a virtual community. If you do live near these cities, are a protective parent and have contacts with the press and legislators, please sign up to help Tina! Next stop is Little Rock! 11/6 — 8:30am Little Rock, Arkansas 11/10 — 3:00pm Charleston, South Carolina 11/11 — 3:30pm Raleigh, North Carolina 11/13 — 12:00pm Nashville, Tennessee 11/16 — 9:30am Amarillo, Texas 11/17 — 9:00am Albuquerque, New Mexico While Family Court Awareness Month is this month, we are continually working to make our courts safer every month. We are grateful for this month of more awareness and advocates from across our country joining together to bring attention to this national issue. CPPA is a proud supporter of Family Court Awareness Month .

Sometimes you see a problem and you know others must see it as well. You try to make a difference, ask for an audit and you push for and wonder what will ever come of the recommendations from the auditor. Knowing you are not alone in seeing the problem is good and bad. First, it is not about you as the opposition would like to suggest you to be ‘just an angry litigant’ and secondly, the problem has risen to the point there are more and more people shining a light onto the crisis. This crisis is our largely unaccountable judicial system. Michael Berens and John Shiffman start a year long process of looking into judicial accountability in the United States. What they found is overwhelming to most who have not lived through the injustices in our nation’s family courts. Our courts are 90% or more unregulated. With courts such as these, how can there be justice? What started out as a request to audit due to the lack of oversight with California’s Commission on Judicial Performance (CJP) for family court matters, where abuse is being dismissed, judges act unethically and unlawfully, the CA State Auditor issued a scathing report . We have yet to see the results of their recommendations put into place. Now with the series of reports from Reuters called The Teflon Robe, we are seeing as much as we expected, this is a national crisis. Thus far they have released two main articles, Objections Overruled, Part 1| Thousands of U.S. judges who broke laws or oaths remained on the bench , June 30, 2020 and Emboldened by Impunity, Part 2 | With ‘judges judging judges,’ rogues on the bench have little to fear ., July 9, 2020. There is also a background piece on how this was tracked this past year, Secretive systems created obstacles, How Reuters tracked judicial misconduct . They have also created a database of those accused who have been publicly disciplined or are no longer on the bench due to retirement or resigning, Delving into disciplinary records, How to explore the misdeeds of judges across America . All of these stories, and hopefully more to come, can be found in this link, Holding judges accountable, The Teflon Robe, a Reuters Investigation . Listen to Michael Berens, one of the investigative reporters, on the judicial misconduct Reuters reports on WNYC Studio’s The Takeaway . Hear how they wanted to shine a light on the victims of this lack of accountability. They documented 5,206 victims from 38 states alone and this was the social mission to give voice to the victims due to the consequences of this judicial crisis. We know many of you who visit our site have personally experienced judicial misconduct. We invite you to share your personal judicial injustice story with Reuters. Please send them details at tips@thomsonreuters.com . Include the name of the judge, the state, details of what the judge may have done wrong, and a way for us to contact you. Reuters investigates such tips and will contact you before publishing. We thank all who have shared their journeys in this crisis. We will continue to update our Others’ Stories on our website. You can share with us here . Sharing brings healing., learning and change. We thank Michael Berens, John Shiffman, Jason Schneider and all at Reuters who made this judicial investigation series possible. More light is needed for transparency and accountability. May this help each state move to change to allow for more justice and honor for our courts.

We are at a time unlike no other that we have experienced as we live through COVID-19. The world has sheltered in place to flatten the curve of a virus that has no cure. Protective parents have been living with a global crisis that is at pandemic levels, abuse being dismissed. The world had no choice though but to face this coronavirus where we were at 500,000 child living with their named abusers in the US, wage discrimination for women and Institutional Betrayal in our systems. The stories that are being published every day speaks to the abuse that we know is happening now as it rises when there is a crisis . It almost feels as if there was an acceptance of the level of abuse prior though, as though is was OK if the abuse only happens half of the week if there is shared custody for a child, if the child can leave abuse for they go to school or if they leave for work. Why has abuse been allowed to continue when we know it has been happening? The child abuse reports have gone down by 50% in some places , but all counties have seen a drop in child abuse reporting. This New York Times article states child abuse cases are down 51%. We must not forget that only approximately 10% of the prior abuse cases reported are validated. With only 4 to 6% of reports being false, this means up to 86% of children are still living in abuse, even though it had been reported. The work of many has allowed more voices to be heard this past decade. For the first time ever, more calls to RAINN were made by children than adults. “Of those young people who contacted the hotline in March, 67% identified their perpetrator as a family member and 79% said they were currently living with that perpetrator .” Yes, we are very concerned to know that this pandemic has brought more abuse to many, some being abused more often without the safety of school, summer camps or work and more being abused due to the rise in the stress and strain of illness, lack of income for many and food and shelter uncertainties. Abuse is up , live stream abuse is up , online child sexual abuse material (CSAM) has risen , some expect to see more teenage pregnancies , DV searches are up 75% , front line healthcare workers are losing custody if they are female and general custody issues are also rising with fears of exposure. Here are some ways help has arrived: Future's Without Violence has created multiple webinars and other resources on how to help during this pandemic. CA Governor proclaimed April as Child Abuse Prevention Month and issues 211 number for stressed parents to reach out for help and provided resources to ensure for home visits. CA JCC rules some family court matters must be heard and as many home visits as possible should happen. More presentations on how to respond to child abuse during a pandemic are happening including this APSAC Zoom with Victor Vieth and a resource page . 91 members of Congress call for increase in funding for DV and sexual violence programs impacted by COVID-19 The C enter for Institutional Courage has opened! What we must learn from this situation is abuse is never acceptable. We must turn away from the ongoing dismissal of abuse and move to Institutional Courage to believe and protect those in need. We must also financially support those who desire to live a healthier life and rear children to become adults who have respect, good values and healthy boundaries. The goal is to end abuse cycles that can continue in families generation after generation. May we learn from this moment. Our prayers for all those who are in need, live in abuse and for all who are working to provide essential needs for us all, especially the front line workers.

The New York Time's investigative journalists Michael Keller and Gabriel Dance started releasing print stories last September and November 2019 and podcasts on the NYT Daily on February 19 , 20 and 21 , 2020 with Michael Barbaro regarding the online child sexual abuse material crisis. Their reporting was shocking for many and riveting for all to understand the sheer volume of child abuse online (70 million child sexual abuse images reported to authorities last year alone) and how the volume of this imagery is sky rocking. They were willing to have the conversation that is ignored by many, possibly due to the enormity of the problem and it is hard to know where to start to solve this crisis. Change actually started by the New York Times supporting and printing their story to build more general awareness. Congress took note. With a controversial bill called the EARN IT Act introduced first that had more of a focus for the tech giants, they have now introduced a bill that brings $5 billion over ten years to end child sexual abuse. We will continue to discuss this bill as time goes on; for now we are grateful for those who have signed on to the Invest in Child Safety Act : Senators Ron Wyden, Kristen Gillibrand, Bob Casey and Sherrod Brown as well as Representatives Anna Eshoo, Kathy Castor, Annie Kuster, Eleanor Norton, Alcee Hastings and Deb Haaland. Read the full article about the new bill here . One note here, the name of this bill is so powerful. Invest in Child Safety. This is one of the steps needed for Institutional Courage, fund the goal. We are not just in a pandemic, we are at the shift for ending child abuse.

In the US and the UK, parental alienation claims are being used to silence abuse. Even after Richard Gardner’s debunked theory of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), now more commonly just called parental alienation (PA) or disguised as claims of a protective parent being delusional or even just resentful, protective parents are losing custody to the point of prompting new studies into see if empirical data would agree with these PA claims or show they are used as a weapon and defense against abuse. Professor Joan Meier from George Washington University published new findings this month in her paper, “U.S. child custody outcomes in cases involving parental alienation and abuse allegations: what do the data show?” The findings confirm that mothers’ claims of abuse, especially child physical or sexual abuse, increase their risk of losing custody, and that fathers’ cross-claims of alienation virtually double that risk. Alienation’s impact is gender-specific; fathers alleging mothers are abusive are not similarly undermined when mothers cross-claim alienation. One of the most shocking results are only one out of 51 cases where a mother reported child sexual abuse and a father claimed alienation was the mother’s allegation considered valid by the court. Also, mothers have 2.5 times the odds of losing custody when alleging both forms of child abuse than when they allege child sexual abuse alone. Her study reviewed 15,000 cases from 10-year period from 2005 to 2014 that used 4,338 cases which met the criteria here: child abuse and parental alienation. These cases are mainly appellate cases and some trial court cases were also used from online publications of these cases. Read Joan Meier’s paper here , see Table 5, figure 2 above, and listen to her discuss these results on the One in Ten podcast with the National Children’s Alliance here. Please note, the acronym for the graph are: DV (Domestic Violence), child abuse (CA) and child sexual abuse (CSA) and CH (Child). A smaller study was conducted by Dr. Andrea Barrnett at Brunel University London from 40 private family law cases in England and Wales from 2000 to 2019. Her paper, “A genealogy of hostility: parental alienation in England and Wales” shows a pattern of abusive parents using alienation claims when the non abusive parent child has custody of the child/children. Read more about this UK study here and see the full study here .

On October 8, 2019, The Oregonian published an amazing article, No Mercy, the story of Tania Culver Humphrey, a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by her father, the co-founder of Mercy Corp who served from president to being the face of the organization that aids people fleeing wars and disasters. The story walks us through the abuse that was reported to Mercy Corp 25 years ago and then again last year. For ten years after the first disclosure to Mercy Corp, they dismissed the allegations and her father, Ellsworth Culver, continued with the company until his death in 2005. The original story is one that, unfortunately, many probably understand first hand. A child is abused by her parent with no protection from the other parent and the abuse goes on from preschool through high school. Once in college she reported the abuse to Mercy Corp who investigated this over two years. They concluded that is was troubling, but inadequate. This October the story changed. We invite you to read the original article that the team, Noelle Crombie with Kale Williams and Beth Nakamura who wrote the story, Beth Nakamura who was also the photographer and Dave Killen who was the videographer, that took 10 months to investigate. Humphrey is an amazing survivor. We are so grateful for her to trust someone again to tell her story and be heard. Her strength is to be respected by all. Here is what happened after the story ran: Mercy Corp did not get defensive after the article, but moved into righting a wrong which they failed to do 25 years ago and last year as well. A board member resigned and the website was scrubbed of “good feelings” references to their co-founder, Ellsworth Culver. To be noted, the board member said this was just as painful then as it was 25 years ago. “We – and this is hard – had an opportunity to right a wrong or at least to try,” Keny-Guyer [the Mercy Corp CEO in October] said. “Instead we failed her with our response. We failed her with our tone. We didn’t do enough to listen to her. We were too legalistic instead of engaging in good faith, and I fear through that we added to her suffering. And for that I’m deeply sorry." Days later the CEO resigns. Mercy Corp employees wrote messages of support to Tania Culver Humphrey in front of their office on the sidewalk with chalk. Humphrey drove to see these messages and was embraced by the employees. By the end of the visit, 75 employees came out to encircle her with love and support, saying they believed her. Shanti Sattler who first wrote the compassionate message said, “Your courage has inspired us all and it will inspire us moving forward. You matter so much. Your voice and everything you have done is being heard around the world.” NPR covered the story of Humphrey’s courage to go to the Oregonian when she was dismissed again by Mercy Corp last year and outlines the many times she told others to no avail. Humphrey’s courage and her efforts to not give up changed her own story. Noelle Crombie and the Oregonian team taking on a 10-month investigation into her story allowed for others to have a clear picture of how abuse is dismissed and how it takes an entire village to allow this to continue as it did in this case, as well as so many others. It took Institutional Courage for the CEO to write his letter and for 75 employees to come out and embrace one brave survivor. Please take a moment to think of the time you could have stood up stronger for someone. Take time to know how one person could have cracked the village of dismissals for Tania. Ask yourself what you can do to be the change in your community and workplace. Be the change! May you never forget Tania Culver Humphrey, her journey of survival through years of abuse to the embrace of being believed she waited for since preschool. Learn more about Institutional Courage here . Read and watch the original Oregonian story & video here . Read the Oregonian follow-up stories here: Mercy Corp shaken; board member resigns CEO Apologizes CEO Resigns Mercy Corp workers embrace Humphrey Read and listen to the NPR story here . Take time to understand what abuse is and looks like from these free classes here .